Friday, April 30, 2021



* i wake up sleep still in my one eye, rubbing my newly-shaven head, blanket in my mouth. to the rumble of the trash trucks i later gathered. i spy through the slit of my curtains the three trucks gallant friends driving in a circle around each other like musketeers waving their rapiers. away from my place, just missing that empty spot of lawn where i put the 3 bins to be picked up. I FORGOT THE TRASH RECYCLING AND YARD WASTE!!! it was there and then that i knew what it felt like to be Beck and his last 10 albums.

* this is a Behind The Scenes of BTS.

* what would George Carlin say about Earth Day 2021?

* Gen Alpha: don't you DARE call us Gen BETA!!! we won't wait.........cos we literally can't wait or the entire human race will have to live on a space station above the Earth cos the planet will be uninhabitable. i mean who do you think's gonna clean up this mess!? you guys get to die, this is OUR future, our time, our life. the media says we're a stalled generation but wait till the lockdowns for climate change come, THEN we'll start manufacturing those online video games in a hurry.

* Waterworld scenario: all ocean. but there still has to be room for the windmills.

* BTS: we're not androgynous, we're Korean.

* scuba diver: we'll pick up the trash from the kelp.........and that phone you lost at the bottom of the ocean with all your revealing compromising nude shots.

* we had to do our greenhouse INSIDE. thanks, Boomers!

* we all use spraybottles. when we spray ourselves with water we turn into cats, this is evolution.

* humans will be drinking from bidons long after Biden's 8-year Roarin' Twenties.

* high fashion is now trashbag dresses. we have to turn the lights off FOREVER cos there's no more energy. sure it's less dangerous but don't you want to SEE your lover!

* can't grow peanuts anymore, this is brown candy that looks like peanuts, there's only candy to eat now. 

* there's still packing peanuts but nobody makes anything anymore so there's nothing to ship.

* you thought that was a couch. you thought that was Tom Cruise doing a skateboard trick. the couch is an illusion, everyone has been aboard a virtual-reality cruiseliner this whole time...

* the Earth has had so many earthquakes its plates are now visible from space.

* the only good news is robot police dogs have been reduced to light switches.

* hi, my name is Douglas. i look like a professor but i decided to get into the entertainment business. cos i wanted a quiet life in my twilight years. turns out EVERYBODY there's younger than me! i mean fuck me. i mean why can i only find work in the anime industry? i view art not as art but as competition. so i take these strange drugs that are slipped under my maildoor each month and try to get by. my only consolation is i got to marry Barbra Streisand.

happy weekend, my babies

TOMORROW: i finally saw that green check by In N Out Burger, indoor dining is back! and i won't go in cos i hate crowds!


there's a known agenda out there and Bill Gates is broke paying for it. The Lion King left a generation traumatized on the stoop. keep me in mind for sainthood. Amazon is Jeff's last name, he's sleeping with Burt for the bee honey. The Mandalorian is better without the only bad Gina who ever lived. meet me in the middle. Charlie Brown got a red tongue. only drink bourbon at midnight. helium makes you dynamic then gassy. there's a hidden stash of porn of essential quality if you want to be loved in this world, cos the only love that matters is masturbation. only you can rock your world. a king's fury is peanuts, the queen is highly motivated to seduce Spock with a soup and sandwich and fuck him to avoid the next pandemic, the Bourbonic Plague, which is what happened in the Roarin' Twenties when the booze ran out.  

red for roses


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