TMIT: SEX SYMBOLS ARE BORN, NOT MADE

"you have to be born a sex symbol. you don't become one. if you're born with it, you'll have it even when you're 100 years old."---Sophia Loren

and Sophia would know, she was the very first gilf...

1. are movie star sex symbols a thing of the past? HELL NO. take H. Jon Benjamin.........well H. Jon Benjamin's voice...

2. who was your favorite sex symbol while you were growing up?

Maria from Sesame Street

that wedding episode was tough to get through. even rougher for a kid like me with no coping skills. i cried blubber forcing my eyes open to have to watch that special. the only thing that comforted me that day was Linda Bove's smile. when Luis takes Maria strongly by his forearm and walks her down the aisle, when she gazes longingly into his Latin-lover eyes as they say their vows---Big Bird understandably not wanting to go up to that altar holding a candle---i threw my fish tuna-melt at the tv screen and howled at the moon on the calendar above...

3. of present-day stars, who do you consider to be a legitimate sex symbol? why?

Shia LaBeouf. because of what he said about his mother...

4. do you have what it takes to be a sex symbol? tell us 3 things that make you a sex symbol:

i look like Tiger Woods

i look like Drake

i look like Eric Andre

5. the following can be celebrities or people in your life.

---name someone who was sexy younger and is still sexy today, like Helen Mirren:

my priest. he constantly brags to me about how good he is in bed. how he cleansed Annette Funicello's soul so she wouldn't get disowned by Disney in her old age. about how he got the black-and-gold Lamborghini cos he's a Taurus. our sessions always go like this:

priest: tell me your sins you did today, you little bitch.

me: i started to believe in the infinity pool...

priest: speaking of, i got an infinity pool. it's in my villa up in the Italian hills where i Confession celebrities. what i hear in their sacred box i only tell the papers. i got to drink George's wine. he gave me a three-picture deal with HBO Max where if i singlehandedly revive Venture Bros i can do my vanity project where i get to be Jude Law's trainer...

---name someone who was a bit goofy when younger but has gotten sexy with age? like Jeff Goldblum:

Goofy. right? when he reappears in Goof Troop he's different. he's the seasoned dad, the man who is wise and doesn't guffaw at shit anymore. doesn't go around chasing ambulances, he's just sitting in his easy-chair smoking a pipe, washing dishes for his smoking wife, taking care of his skateboard son. and telling stories out of school about the old days and where Mickey stores his cheese in his body. Goofy is a zaddy.

---name someone who was sexy when younger but has lost that sex appeal? Woody Allen...

BONUS: name a sex symbol living or dead whose bedroom skills you would not mind testing out? Trent Reznor...

CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY