MONKS AND WAR DON'T MIX

 

notes:

* yes but see all those tiny one-room apartments next to each other? what happens when the housing runs out? the rent is too damn high, the neighborhood OF the monastery, not the neighborhood around the monastery, is getting gentrified. it's not the mean monastery of ago, the mean-streets monastery, the old gritty '70s NYC monastery of your father's youth. there are only so many cells to go around. MAXIMUM CAPACITY: 100 monks...

* prior monk: the Prior is the priority.

* monks: tourists? tourists at our monastery? people TRAVEL all the way from St. Louis to meet US in Paris? to take pictures of our rope belts? why? we're not wax statues in a museum, we're real people who wanted love but couldn't find love. we're hiding. take a picture it'll last longer!!! drink from my dirty well, you fucking foreign out-of-state bastards. 

* Elton John playing the organ: it seems to me that she lived her life like a candle in the wind sitting on the sill of a monastery window high above the Alps...

* Elton John: i didn't sing the "nude" part of the "Candle in the Wind" lyrics at Princess Di's funeral...

* Harry and Meghan: we got kicked out of Frogmore Cottage? why? we feel like monks getting kicked out of our monastery because of World War I. where are we gonna live now? in that Five Guys in London?

* Gladyce: when i'm doing my jumping jacks i can't go here cos the fence is too short. i have to take off my snuggly pimp jacket, the zipper makes too much noise bobbing up and down.

* Tim Minchin in a red robe and red mortarboard...

Mardith: ...and red graduation tassel.

Tim Minchin:  i too love that Outer Limits episode "Corner of the Eye"...

* Tim Minchin: spray it

* Arnold Horshack: i too joined a monastery once.........well i mean it was more of a cult.........okay it was airport Hare Krishna...

* hooking lids: for prostitutes and housewives

* Julie Kotter: an Olympic champion? let me guess, he's from Nebraska...

* monks: we are professional huddlers. we huddle. that's what we do. 

Monk Aaron Rodgers: you guys should career-change and try out for the NFL!!!

* the girl in Thompson Twins: i'm Boy George but female.

* Cecily Strong: nowadays it is possible for me to reprise the role of Ratso Rizzo in the inevitable upcoming remake of Midnight Cowboy.

Seth Meyers: yes, considering there are a LOT of unsavory rumors swirling around Dustin Hoffman. like a LOT.

Joe Buck: not THAT Joe Buck...

Cecily Strong: ain't 2023 grand?

* Golden Corral

mom: conversation doesn't involve phones, it involves letters. do you girls know what a butterfly is?

girls: only that butterfly from that meme.

mom: go get shrimp.

girls: did we miss any calls while we were away?

mom: a suitor called you wanting to meet up behind the trash can, a potential boyfriend, husband material.........you just missed talking to your soul mate...

* Lucio Rossi: WOW, the WOW sound, that's the sound the phone makes when the spam call goes to die.

* Domino's: you've already tried New York pizza!!! remember? you had our Brooklyn.

me: yeah but New York pizza that's not pepperoni is weird, New York City pizza that's cheese.........doesn't count.

* HomeGoods: we sell EVERYTHING here.........including cars!!!.........but only those cars that drift...

* Chili's: it's not Coke unless it's served in a frosty beer mug.

* Domino's: soggy fries are the bane of delivery.

DoorDash: tell us about it. it's impossible to deliver crisp hot fries, ALL delivery fries are soggy and cold.

Domino's: let me have your damp towel. WE'VE COME UP WITH THE SOLVE!!! we don't do fries anymore, we do TOTS!!!

DoorDash: why does your kitchen look like a garage?...

* Taco Bell Craving Trios: Skins was a masterpiece but that was the one regret, that was the one thing they didn't do, they never had an episode where all the Skins kids hung out and ate Taco Bell.

Skins America: we never did that either.........we should have to be different.........from the critically-acclaimed British parent show.........would have given us an American flavor.

CLICK HERE FOR NEAT AND TIDY

now that's neat and tidy.

happy weekend, my babies

TOMORROW: DoorDash times two. x2. double. the second outing. 3 pepperoni pizza SLICES from Pizza My Heart, none of that $50 square pizza block shit again. this is exciting. there's nothing more romantic than pizza in the rain...