Monday, June 7, 2021


me, every twilight hour in the middle of late Saturday night early Sunday morning, after Saturday Night Live was over but before church. mid-2000s or so. on the couch with melted nacho cheese dripping from my ears and gummi worms coming out my zits.

this is when the programmers in their infinite wisdom decided to put new episodes, NEW EPISODES mind you, of Legend of the Seeker and Star Trek: Enterprise on UPN. sleep? who needs sleep! my recorder was broken so yeah it was cool to stay up 48 hours during the weekend, it's not like i had a school or job to go to...

1. what do you have against reality? 

it's like that eloquent comment from the adult swim youtube about Final Space:

yeah but reality doesn't have cat creatures who walk on two legs and talk and crack jokes and cry when they accidentally kill their son's family

2. do you feel you are maintaining a healthy balance between leisure, time for self, career, physical activity, and those you care about?

i mean my butt doesn't look as good as Jennifer Aniston's but i'm getting my vital proteins. i'm a man who does yoga for the actual exercise and meditation. i want a Friends spinoff in which Matthew Perry plays a dentist.

3. what is a fantasy you have you really want to come true?

i want to fuck my best friend's wife.........and since that is never gonna happen i'd settle for her making a cameo in my movie. my existential movie, no nudity, just vignettes of one-on-one conversations about life in cafes, parking lots, and trees.

4. what is the most impulsive thing you have ever done? joined Instagram. it's ruined my life. but it's wonderful.

5. you are being given an all-expense-paid vacation you must leave for tomorrow. considering your current mood, state of mind, feelings---will you take the vacation alone, with a friend, or with family?

i want nothing more in life than to travel the world with my beloved. does all-expense-paid mean i'm going with Alex Trebek and Anthony Bourdain? i mean Pat Sajak is cool but i'd rather go with those two where they're going...

BONUS: how do you feel most of the time? happy? anxious? satisfied? sad?

a combination of Novak Djokovic down the first two sets at the French Open and when Dr. Mark Greene had to say goodbye forever to his soulmate Susan on ER at that train station


Smu Doodle said...

I betcha half a peach Pat Sajak would make the cut if he brought Vanna along.

the late phoenix said...

i saw the trailer for that new Anthony Bourdain doc Roadrunner and got shook for a week

Jules said...

1: Everything. Particularly that it’s not fantasy.

2 :No. I constantly tip the scales.

3: Living in a field.

4: Got on the back of a strangers Harley without a helmet and took off into the night.

5: Alone. I like blazing trails.

BONUS: All of the above with an added dash of frustration. *)

Bathwater said...

All expense paid vacation? I'd go alone and tour the brothels of Germany.

the late phoenix said...

mah dahlin:

1. i heard a nice quote that said without fantasy no inventions in reality would have ever been made, no rocket ships, no Coke

2. with your beautiful tits

3. i live in a field in my backyard, my monk garden, the ditch is in the frontyard

4. that sounds dangerous, mah dahlin, Darkwing Duck, like an episode of anime. at least you got a good story out of it. i'd only do that if the biker was Goose not Tom Cruise


bonus: next time use a dash of Old Bay Seasoning

bathwater: same. i have an Instagram friend in Germany she tells me all about it. get me a bathhouse in Bath, England, and some LUSH soaps and i'm there

the late phoenix said...