Friday, June 18, 2021




Sting: i had nothing to do with this

Lupita Nyong'o: okay i'll write the book. but i'll conceal Shakespeare's name, in the book he's called Mike Hunt.

Billy Corgan: i've completely lost my taste for criss-cut fries.

Dirg: do NOT take Austedo. and do NOT have the picture you put up in your inside-locker be your dog.

* Sarah Levy: dad, Eugene, i appreciate you, i really do. especially on Father's Day. but look at me, i'm hot AND funny. i could have made it on my own.
Eugene Levy: got any Cinanmon Toast Crunch?

* -examine the lyrics to double-dutch more closely. they are brutal. they are dark. the Bubonic Plague, gang warfare in Vienna, bloodshed. not for kids.
kids: we now know what it's like to be young and old at the same time.

* Chris Paul: *reading* i turn into a cardboard cutout and tip over? i turn into a living breathing basketball who hurts when they bounce? who wrote this script, The Late Phoenix?!!!

* Burger King: we're now known for chicken. we were once known for burgers.
Phoenix: yeah but they sucked. the Whopper NEVER competed with the Big Mac, not once!!! why o why did you decide NOT to put ketchup on the pattie!!!?

* -play football. it's a great way to learn about teamwork, commitment, sacrifice, and how society will never be fair. you'll be a contributing member of society if you don't get a permanent concussion.

* action star A: want some Aspercreme?
action star 2: that's for old people!
George Clooney: hello. my name is George Clooney. i'm known for my action movies.

* kid: mommy i dropped my Nature Valley granola bar in the river.
mommy: it should be alright.
Yogi Bear: they're closing down all National Parks cos of you, you dumb kid.

* -impatience is a virtue.
Coco Gauff: hurry up, i'm gonna be the black Coco Chanel before i get my drivers license.
Olivia Rodrigo: come to me if you ever need relationship advice.
-you got next? we got now.
Jada Pinkett Smith: son we really need to talk. why did you turn into a lizard?

* Dr Vacc: cool. cool. they have covid tests over-the-counter now. only at CVS. but when are the covid vaccines gonna be over-the-counter?
-my friends are your friends and your friends are my friends
Baby Yoda: WE AIN'T FRIENDS!!!

* Madame Pons: our new LUSH line of body wash is colorless, odorless, and vegan. so it's basically air. it's okay to eat.
Mardith: but will it make me look good naked?

* -i go to Starbucks for coffee. not for weirdly-colored lemonade.

* the secret to BBQ: the sauce, not the meat

happy weekend, my babies

TOMORROW: Carl's Jr, not taking Billy Corgan. i want to see if you really can dine indoors. they have a chicken sandwich also. and i'm gonna get just one small cute cheeseburger, i've never not gotten a Western onion-ring sauced-up thing there before

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