Monday, August 3, 2020

TMIT: CHATTING UP GRACE CHATTO



1. it's okay if you don't wear any ___

FUR! NEVER WEAR FUR!!! ANYONE!!!

2. what on earth are you here for? Costco ChickenBakes. btw if you see a bigbox bulk fucking crate of VANQUISH on a pallet over there by the vacuum dropsondes let me the fuck know! 

3. what has been the best day of your life? 

when the cats whispered today in my ear that grandma was gonna be okay

the day i got off this doomed rock on my spaceship

that Christmas i got the Nintendo greybox. see it's not any one specific day but a feeling. it's any summer Saturday evening in 1985. we go to the YMCA, making sure to pack the slippers with the tag still on them, the rubber-duckie ring, and those greentint goggles that always filled up with water on first contact and made me look like a tax boy. will this be the weekend i finally learn to dive? the family arrives just as the sun is setting upon the mint tile of the electric doors, leaving a last glint on the rearviews in the parking lot. towel covering our faces but we know the way by heart, we know which stairs to take to the pool. and we do family fun free swim for an hour, just to get soaked, just to get wet, just to dunk our heads a minute. i stay underneath by the jets, that's a feeling i will never duplicate in my life.  i find the two missing red rings down at the corner i don't tell my whistling instructor about, i stuff them in my pants which are now balloon shorts. the slide is broken but i use it anyway, two more bolts slathered in foamy backwash fly to the tile above. 

and afterwards, we quickly dry off in the stalls, hop in the car, do a round of minigolf at Magic Castle by artificial lawnlight, and get home in time for the newest episode of Small Wonder whilst i eat a pepperoni pizza with yellow rice as topping i secretly phone-numbered to Domino's in the kitchen while my parents weren't looking so i could have it all to myself. me and my imaginary cat at the time in the '80s i always wanted under the sofa.

it's the little things.

4. are you ordinary or extraordinary? why?

extraordinary. cos Clean Bandit. i mean i like my women bold. for Grace Chatto to deliberately set her lifepath to be the girl who plays cello for a living is aces in my book. and not just cello, electric cello. i mean there are only two electric cellos in the world and one of them is in Weird Al's garage.

5.. how do you want to be described by your friends?

they wanted to roast me but knew i was too delicate for it

BONUS: after a breakup would you rather be alone or surrounded by friends?

surrounded by enemies roasting me. but only if Stefon shows up sows up and stows up






4 comments:

Lynda McKinney Lambert said...

Definitely no fur - I am into PITA - no fur, no fur no fur.
and, no animals for meals.

You most memorable day was a trip...lol

the late phoenix said...

yeah I just love animals too much especially after my cats. we were always a dog family and I never thought about cats growing up but these two cats have changed my life. have a good week, my friend

Bathwater said...

My cat drives me nuts. I am not sure what my best days was but some of my best moments where with my ex-girlfriend Billie and that is okay. I think I am somewhere between ordinary and extraordinary.

the late phoenix said...

bath: yeah once I made the switch to cats I've never looked back. there's that one famous song with extraordinary in the lyric...