Boc: i've been doing some deep thinking lately.
Cotard: that's good...
Germane: sorry don't mean to step on any toes but the question was addressed to me...
Boc: more of an observation. one morning i woke up in this building and i just snapped. but in a good way. i started loving nature again. i got excited at the sight of a hose where the water pressure is too high and it goes crazy flailing up and down a circle path like a catatonic snake who just got its first whiff of freedom air. i like the idea of turning brown green. a lawn that's just a pile of brown dirt turns dark brown with the application of water.
Dirg: whatever you do don't application to any of those Eastern Seaboard colleges, they're useless in life...…...i mean zoom classes don't count, there's no atmosphere...where's the experience, where's the light my fire?...
Takahashi: not in the blue light of an HP laptop...
Germane: yeah but remember to cover more ground by twisting on the nozzle with all those lovely holes like a cribbage set first to the hose, not after while you're looking at it, you'll just swallow a lot of water and look like an idiot dog. i've already set up the hose on the roof garden, no extra charge on your water bill for helping around the complex.
cat familiars: we use the hose when we garden, but we twist a faucet on it first.
Cotard: reminds me of Nice Guys orange trees circa 1985. i'd water all the ones in a waterfall in the monastery when i was still a novitiate and the monastery was still a RadioShack. what boots are you using? i tried to get mine at the Five Guys mall but they only had women's boots and mens slippers.
Boc: you need boots to do this? eh, i'll just wrap two kitty-litter clear plastic bags around my heels with shoelaces. it's quite meditative out there, the act is brilliantly contemplative, i think i'll stay out there for 30 minutes...
Dirg: OH COME ON!!! THAT IS SO CHEAP!!! you see what they did on one of the last episodes of Bubblegum Crisis 2040? they had the big titan flying statue of the naked woman carved in space stone and milky alabaster hold her arms up in an X to cover her breasts. just show the tits, it's anime, that's what we're here for!!!
Takahashi: that speech tho. reminded me of someone:
what is love? it's that strongest of feelings, that strongest passionate urge and emotion when you have it bad for someone who's taken. you know you should just walk away but you can't...
Madame Pons: *big sigh* there's nothing like a morning dump. clears the chakras.
Mardith: *big sigh* now see this is what i'm talking about, miss. i mean look at your Tinder profile. it says
i want to be alone...
Dirg: see that thing when you start hanging out with a girl on Instagram and then the girl's boyfriend starts following you on Instagram...
Mardith: i see that thing where people photoshop their faces onto Beyonce or Jay-Z for inspiration, to place themselves in their dreams...
Mardith: you need a good video that shows where your priorities lie. what your beliefs and feeling are. of a woman in a red dress barefoot on a beach. and the narrator under her a woman with a man's voice...
Mardith: and a nice quote in your profile.
Pons: be the change you want to see in the world...
Mardith: that's sugar. be the energy you want to attract...
President Bump: holy smokes! Felicia Combs's ass is so stellar she carries not one but TWO phones in each of her ass-cheek jean pockets. Isaias, i mean what the fuck. that is the MOST difficult-to-pronounce hurricane in my army of all time. who comes up with these names, the Mexican drug cartel? i hate when hurricanes are busts, i hate busts in my life...
Pat: so we all had an assignment. get the most unique food or drink item we could find from the craziest out-there local-flavor indie alternative Rasputin store on a hill. here's mine: octopus pot.
Takahashi: mine is not so much a coconut as a car. a new car: meet my Old Glarus!
Dirg: i got jupiter balls at Whole Foods. i checked for bugs in that place first. both kind of bugs.
Takahashi: uh, that's not a food. that's a lawn ornament.
Dirg: this thing where all the youtubers date all the other youtubers...…...it's incesticide!!!...
Ivana Chubbuck: i'm here...…
Dirg: that's very good. who are you supposed to be?
Ivana: i'm the acting coach. kindly direct me to the Orchid Girls headquarters.
Dirg: you mean room. what i wouldn't give to spend the night there. it's right over...
Laertus: *slaps Dirg's fist* yeah don't listen to him anymore. don't ask him for directions, he's a man. over there.
Dirg: great song, great cause.
Dirg: acting, aye? like coronavirus. like love.
Ivana: i won't be swallowing any cum for bucks. i can already tell what you want from your eyes, i'm that empathic.
Dirg: please be my chum chum.
Ivana: i'm not an acting coach, i'm a theatre coach. spelled -re. i plan to be the Old Guard Orchid once the girls get settled in their posts for life.
Mardith: may i follow you on Instagram?
Ivana: i don't have an Instagram, dear, i have a life.
Mardith: *starry-eyed* that is so cool.
Halee Mason: Orchid Girls?
Eye: no, Dirg, don't touch her, that's not a gaming chair, she's a scientist...
Pons: i took a morning dump at Whole Foods and let me tell ya. well do you blame me with all that quinoa?! it was so lush. my bottom was in bliss! i swear to you the toilet seat over there is pure naugahyde.
Laertus: America is living in an actual living breathing dystopia right now. not with the dramatic flourishes of 1984, but with the pangs and the aches at the edges.
Dirg: i went to Cult Taco but they wouldn't serve me.
Takahashi: cos you left that harsh google review of them where you accused them of trying to copy Telegraph Avenue.
Dirg: couldn't have been worse than that review i left of the Obec Pipe Shoppe:
i use your products at the graveyard. put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Takahashi: you typed to the bagel kiosk to ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE!!!
Dirg: yes i did. yes i sure did. of course i did. i mean what's the point of being in a mall!!!?
Cotard: my teen angst lasted forever.
Pons: oh i saw some glisteningly beautiful stained-glass at Prim Brinton's, Tibetan Window Shop, perfect for a tea shop!
Mardith: do you think cute guys like to eat mod podge? i know i do sometimes, i'm obsessed with my weight. wish i weren't but a girl's mind is a beast. i can't get my brain to change the subject.
Dirg: focus on the explosions in the world, girl, not your own.
Vacc: Mardith, invite the man over for some of your cooking, the way to a man's heart is his stomach. i get that all the time from my patients when they don't want to pay my pill bills. organic food suggestions i'm flooded with instead of pills grown in nature.
Mardith: oh i know, that's how girls flirt, they say they'll cook something for him.
Cotard: what the fuck is wrong with Bevmo!!? i thought it was a place to find rare unique drinks, like Swiss-Chocolate Java-Monster, i'm not here for 19 Crimes!!!
Dirg: go to Home Depot for all your Halloween needs!!!
Dirg: there's no pickle emoji? i coulda sworn there was!
Takahashi: now how will you document your progress to your Instagram followers?
Dirg: what's this thing where around the globe everyone posts pics of their families all smoking from the same collective hookah?...
Mardith: do you long for the collectivism part or the family part?
Doryce: so? how was it?
Gladyce: heavenly, dear. on the shelf at Trader Jane's! best-tasting noodles i've ever eaten!
Naruto: told ya. ramen, believe it. you know what the secret ingredient is? mustard. put mustard on your noodles. why do you think i have yellow hair?
Gladyce: sauerkraut as a meal?
Doryce: i so would. The Store subliminally makes you buy stuff, there's a gigantic titan-sized pile-stand, a literal hill of beans, baked-bean cans for miles, by the deli. and what's up with all the s'mores stuff? the marshmallows, the skewers, the out-of-almond chocolate bars, the used lighters, I HATE S'MORES!!!
Dirg: i went to the liquid zoo to drown my sorrows. drowned instead.
Mardith, looking askance at the Instagram photos on her scroll: the spirit healer empath down in Miami makes plastic-surgeon money???!!!
Mardith: right guy, wrong situation. see?, we get this feeling, too.
Dirg: roll to me, pretty baby.
Madame Pons: NO DON'T!!!
Gladyce: oh dear, how long do you have to "lightly shake" the Orangina sparkling can?
crones: we went to the Ordway Obec Drug Store for the vaccine.........the Cosentyx vaccine...
Laertus: that place has those weird indoor stone stairs that hit you right in the face as you open the entrance door.
Gladyce: it's always hard to find in the House cupboard what you just bought the day before that first day back after the grocery haul...
Dirg: sorry but i'm an artist. i won't apologize for that. NO FAIR, MUSTARD DHL VAN!!! you get to blow your horn, you get to sound your backup siren as you back out of a crowded parking lot, not like the rest of us who have to scrimp and save enough space to get the fuck outta there!
Eye Luggage: what were we talking about again?
Tyzik: 12 Oz Mouse, that was a classic line they used. DAMN DAMN DAMN from Good Times.
Daym Drops: contrary to popular belief...
Rubikon: did you see the absolute unfettered genuine not-an-ounce-of-jadedness look on Daym's face when he got not one but TWO Whoppers?
Naruto: the TOPAZ from Bubblebum Crisis? same as the one from 12 Oz Mouse. i have a crush on Nene...
Eye: Palm Springs and go...
Vanilla Ice: Vanilla Sky, not about me hanging from a rooftop...
Laertus: HAD NO IDEA this would be a time-loop movie. thought it'd be about two frat guys crashing a covid party. i swear when they started to replay the scene i thought i was going crazy, thought the quarantine had finally done me in.
Dirg: Jena Friedman...
Laertus: stop right there. she's the perfect girl for you cos she's the enemy. it would never work out cos she'd challenge you at every turn, every thought, every comeback, every riposte, every skin you wore, every hat you wore. and make jokes about you she'd try out on stage. you'd be her material, you'd be the butt of her success. she will always be too good for you, she's beautiful inside and out.
Dirg: and her little dog, too. i mean Daisy's bartender vest, you know? the new look for covid summer! i just want her to pass me a glass of milk. what's the point of a bartender vest? to catch spilled drinks?
Eye: Cristin Milioti.
Laertus: good to see voice actresses getting their due shine!
Eye: okay but for the whole movie i thought she was Christina Perri.
Dirg: Andy Samberg can act? i mean drama.
Laertus: my dad has a birthday and Berkeley connection to him. they're birthday boys!
Dirg: when they were around the campfire looking at the stars, what exactly was i supposed to be seeing?
Codrus: Tree of Life titan dinosaurs...
Dirg: see?, there's no love. female infidelity causes earthquakes. ooooh, Tyler Hoechlin, we don't talk about 7th Heaven in polite company...
Eye: it's not the shower, it's the eyes...
Dirg: he makes me howl, but i blame him for the baseball season ending. J.K. Simmons.
Laertus: everybody's got an Irvine. that's where Spider-Man finally melted...
Dirg: ...when he took off his mask to play the kettle drum...
Eye: Jacqueline Obradors!!! MAMACITA!!! where have you been my bodacious babe! since everyone now turns in their police badge and shuns their cop past...
Dirg: motorcycling hog gilfs make the best lovers. cos they're seasoned, they're experienced. squibs are those insects that glide along the surface of a pond. fuck all you nerds!!! i knew Clifford V. Johnson BEFORE this film!!!
Eye: Conner O'Malley, who knew? and of couse he HAD to mention Michigan...
Vanilla Ice: i'd rather watch Bill Murray have a drinking problem. g'night, folks.
Boc: got a paring knife in an envelope addressed to me slipped under my door?
Germane: no that was a letter-opener.
Boc: i'm on the edge all the time.
Germane: don't waste water.
Boc: but it's meditative...you lose yourself...sense of time goes out the window...
Germane: speaking of, don't stay too long up there cos the neighborhood kids below will start to think you're peeing on their heads...
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