notes:
* Arleen Sorkin in Harley Quinn voice: who ate all the cake?
Mark Hamill: me. sorry. Luke Skywalker has to be fat for the sequels...
Arleen Sorkin: hey why is it so dark in this room? who turned off all the lights?
Bruce Timm: i wanted our last time together to be like my process...
Paul Dini: please be my girlfriend, Arleen Sorkin.
Arleen Sorkin: nah, you're better at drawing your girlfriends...
* Pinocchio: hey don't mess with me, Coachman. don't mess with me, Coachman man. i'll put the Pinocchio Malocchio on you...
* Jen R: when i was sweeping the orange leaves away from the Treehouse out the second-story porch using my tiny cute little yellow mini-broom, i swept away one of my broom's orange bristles, that was quite symbolic...
* The Pope in the Confessional Booth.
The Pope: look, Our Fathers and Hail Marys are great, but suckling on big tits is what's really gonna relax you, i'm just saying...
* me: i have stretchmarks on my throat. and i don't have strep...
Zed: is it sore?
me: you ask that question a lot, huh...
* Luke Russert: i never knew how much EVERY SINGLE ITEM IN THE GROCERY STORE cost until now, until i had to, until i had to learn every single price...
* Link: really the only thing you can do now with a Nintendo Switch.........is compose Vaporwave music on it...
TetraNinja: ...
* Jesus: when a female athlete becomes a mom, they immediately hang a cross around their neck, have you noticed that? cross necklaces become the new diamond ring. don't worry, mamas, i'll protect all the babies...
* John Isner: hey you wanna sign this petition to bring back no tiebreaks at Wimbledon?...
* St. Cyril's: school starts Sept 1!!!.........for one day. then you get a three-day weekend and then you don't have to go to school anymore...
* okok: no it's not oh cock!!! it's okay okay...
Doryce: ...
* Roger Federer: wanna play some tennikoit?
Jen R: sure, i can quilt while i play.
Roger Federer: wanna play deck tennis?.........i promise i won't be a tennis dick...
* Grace Kelly: i had the perfect life, right?...
* Grace Kelly: i still call women gals...
* Zardoz: this world is a KQED station-identification stillframe...
* Paul Sepulveda: Metalocalypse metal operas take time. you know?
Billy Corgan: i should have done a metal opera, not a rock opera...
* Luke Russert: ginger ale is healthy, right? can soda be healthy? healthy soda?...
Lindy Lenz: it's sweetened mineral water...
* Wendy's.
Wendy: the crew is giving our food codenames. cos Wendy's is THAT breakfast.
Willy: sauce-bisk and some taytays.
Wendy: whimsy, Willy. that's a sausage biscuit and small seasoned potatoes, nothing to do with my tits.
Wendy: btw, we're better than McDonald's fries cos we SEASON the potatoes, we don't SALT them...
McDonald's: we had wedge fries once but people got confused.
Tyler: bis-squared.
Wendy: egg-and-cheese AND sausage. Tyler knows what squared means?
Tyler: you know that movie A Beautiful Mind? that's my dad.
Cherub: cuppadopajava.
Wendy: don't be a dope, Cherub, it's two coffees.
Cherub: have some compassion, i'm sick. dope doesn't mean i'm dumb, dope means i'm on drugs and a brilliant mathematician.
* Patrick Mahomes: are you gay?
Ben Barnes: no i'm British.
Patrick: then why do you have your butt in my face?
Ben: it's how you play American football, i fart the ball into your face, Ancient Roman custom. speaking of hike T-Mobile won't hike your prices.
Patrick: i've been sacked.
Ben: i am SO sorry to hear of that, Patrick Mahomes, i know what it's like to lose your job. i lose my job weekly because i am an actor.
Patrick: are you sure you're not gay? you're hugging me.
Ben: that's only because i have great admiration for you, Patrick Mahomes. what's a huddle? that's like a sleepover, right? i'll bring the tea.
Patrick: man nobody has EVER drunk tea at a sleepover.
* Chemical Brothers: yeah the song is "Galvanize," not "Don't Hold Back." only by signing up with us here at Michelin can you get those Who Framed Roger Rabbit cartoon white-glow-rave tires...
* health insurance.
van mom: are you feeling okay, honey?
girl in back: i feel like shit. like i got run over by a truck. i'm too young to drink, why am i feeling like this?
mom: i'll consult the AI robot pharmacist who looks like a man on my dashboard.
girl: fuck AI. all you're doing is looking at a youtube video for the answers. let's go to a REAL doctor, not CVS!!!
mom: you're gonna be late for soccer practice, honey.
girl: i HATE soccer, mom!!! i don't care about soccer, mom, soccer is YOUR thing. do you know how BORING it is to be a goalie?!!!
keep pushing that Heal Button week after week until you actually start feeling better...
the Staples Easy Button: ...
happy weekend, my babies.
TOMORROW: no money for grease food anymore, i have to keep all my coins in my pockets to pay for pills...
No comments:
Post a Comment