notes:
* Bob Ross: no happy little clouds in that one.........i was still debating back then at that time whether to go to war or go to Broadway...
* Jen Pizarro: the half-circle on the right side of the Guadalajara tennis Open court, that's a Bruce Springsteen secret garden...
Jen R: does Bruce play tennis?
Jen P: yes, in jeans.
Jen R: his racquet is his guitar. he doesn't overhead-smash, he underhand-serves, he's gotta preserve that relic, that racquet is going in the Rock Hall...
* Frasier (2023): there's just something so melancholic about revisiting the Frasier world 20 years later...
Laertus's grandpa: yeah, especially when you visit Harvard again...
* Mardith: okay i need that red-and-black-plaid bra...
Madame Pons: the Tartan bra!!!
* Luke Russert: the good life i lived.........while i was strong, that line really HITS and HURTS.
Tai: just a few more massages.
* monastery: another word for farm...
* Luke Russert: everyday when i wake up i feel like my chest has been run over by a mack truck.
Jen R: convert that into an electric mack truck...
* me: have you ever been to the Buena Park, California Medieval Times?
Melissa Maker: nope, not even the Toronto one. all that Smurfs stuff is sus.
me's mom: all that Smurfs shit pays for my knee surgery, you barefoot contessa.
me: i like wearing tunics now. cos they're tight against my chest, then when i place two ice packs under on my areolas it really becomes an Ice Tunic like in that episode of Smurfs...
* Stephanie Abrams: i will singlehandedly personally save the entire world by myself at the U.N. General Assembly in New York City with my two globes uh with my two tits.
Jen R: NYC is the best, it's the only town that can provide a Global Climate Summit air-conditioning for all. if we lose this world, we have two other planets humanity can live on: Stephanie Abrams's two tits.
* Climate Week NYC: better than Car Week Carmel.
* Lindy Lenz: all the seagull feathers strewn on the street everywhere are blessings, blessed Native feathers mixed with fries and frybread.
Gladyce: you sound just like a crone, dear!!!
Lindy Lenz: Hair By Cindy. Nails By Cindy. Hair and Nails By Cindy Lorenz, i'll always be there for her, with Bob Barker news.
* account manager: literally anybody...
* Luke Russert: i wish there was a grocery-store machine where you put 10 $1 bills in and get 1 $10 bill...
* Luke Russert: i need something.
Tai: hot Tang, it's just like TheraFlu...
Mardith: ...
* Mr. McFeely: if you see a letter that's been all chewed-up, spit out, torn, and fucked in your mailbox, do NOT open this letter...
* Lorne Michaels: the world continues on, whether Saturday Night Live makes fun of it or not...
* Tai: still have your gum?
Luke Russert: yeah.
Tai: chewing gum is the greatest thing a human can do to relieve stress...
* Jen R: the most relaxing job? librarian.
Tom Cruise: bartender?!!! um, no.
Tai: no way, man, masseur, man, masseur.
* Jen and i are still at the Downtown Van Nuys Public Library. we're in the Encyclopedia Brown bathroom staring at the dirty library mirror.
Jen R: why don't you shave your beard and mustache? keep the fro. you look like a shaggy homeless bag man. not the Nixon kind.
me: yes, we both love, watch, and record Rachel Maddow. i remember the last thing you said to me on Instagram, you told me to go for it when i asked you if i should get a handlebar mustache.
Jen R: you would look quite handsome with a handlebar mustache. handlebar handsome. you'd look like a hipster boxer from Brooklyn filling his gloves illegally with tea sachets.
me: say no more, i'm remaining a dockside bum forever...
* carnelian: when Van Halen gets lustful cos Sammy Hagar misses Gary Cherone...
* Richard's Toggery: dick buggery.
* Luke Russert: it's gonna be so hard trying to cure my chest cold-turkey. can i touch your hand?
Tai: okay but don't touch my butt.
* Boc: was that yoga-pants woman peeing in the bushes? how is that even possible?
Tai: ...
Mardith: ...
* 100-year-old man wearing a SERVICE cap: i wasn't in the army, i'm talking about bus service...
* Chipotle: Carne Asada is our McRib...
* Apple Titanium: we caused the dinosaurs to die off. our iPhone fell in the lava of that volcano and did it. makes sense when you think about it in 2023, right? there are no more precious metals on Earth...
* Lexus Hybrid.
man: did we get hustled?
other man: no way that man was 70 years old.
Roger Federer: i AM 70 years old so shut up. your car is stupid. how can your car have a gas tank AND an electric tank? don't be stupid, choose one. the right one, electric. there is no electric gas.
* Walgreens woman: hey Walgreens, i need to schedule this vaccine IN BETWEEN that steam-bird alarm crying out and my lunch break. see this 1000-page book? it's Dance For Dummies, i'm learning Met-level ballet while working in this mining shaft. hard to read cos it's always dark.
Smack Louis: i'd like to smack those CVS schedulers...
* Caleb Williams: i became the USC quarterback instead of a garden-variety quarterback cos i wanted to be on the show Heisman House, better than Family Matters.
House of Anubis: but not better than us. we popped your football with our pin.
Caleb: what time's lights-out?
Tim Tebow: noon. people don't know this but i sleep with a weighted blanket...
RGIII: i'm going to the Jets.........think about it...
grandpas: out of the room, we do our TikToks in here.
Caleb: my generation lets AI do our TikToks for us, so there's more time for football...
Caleb: hey you guys want Wendy's for dinner?.........you know it's VERY LONELY to be the only one in the Heisman House who likes Wendy's...
* Progressive.
Flo: first of all, how are you getting your money?
Janice: i work at Amazon. as a grunt. remember when i stole your husband? you were about to become Flo Onassis...
Flo: so close. but i'm still Flo Insurance...
Janice: your last name is Insurance? like my dog sculpture? i didn't even realize it was ice, i just like his giraffe neck. i have a snatched waist.
Flo: that sounds very very dirty and painful. is this your hyperbaric chamber?
Janice: no that's my Star Trek shit. if you don't breathe like a yoga girl you die.
Flo: solid-gold coffee machine?
Janice: what can i say, i like the '70s.
Flo: lake-making kit?
Janice: i stole her from under Chris Rock. if Chris Rock ever comes to this mansion searching for Lake Bell.........i will slap Chris Rock...
Flo: your gold coffee won't taste good unless the froth is silver...
* CVS: if you take our covid booster we PROMISE to bring back Meerkat Manor for Season 13...
* Ford.
Luke Russert: i know a first-responder who only gave it 95% and now my chest is weak and faltering.
Gordon Ramsay: same...
* me: i need to go back to Berkeley for the libraries. but really for those green library lamps, you don't see those anywhere else...
Green Notebook: ...
* Lance Lear Armstrong: UPS lost my bike in the mail. in fairness, i lost my mind in the mail years before at Mailboxes Etc....
happy weekend, my babies.
TOMORROW: does DoorDash accept cash? i'm in MASSIVE credit-card debt. the "new" thing at Taco Bell is TAQUITOS?!!! come on, how can a ROLLED taco be better than their SHELLED taco? Autumn starts at 11:50 tonight!!! LET THE COOL AIR COMMENCE!!! LET THE FREEZING WIND ENTER YOUR MOUTH!!!
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