SECRET CAMP DAVID ROMANCE

 

notes:

* Camp David: the lush foresty woodsy scenic atmosphere, perfect for secret love stories, clandestine encounters, between Heads of State. Head head. leaf lust. between a lot of ferns. and a LONG country walk on the hidden trail after the love. that's how unusual peace treaties get signed. it's the perfect getaway shack cos nobody knows EXACTLY where it's located...

* Camp David: and it's a GREAT place to play Live-Action Clue...

* Jen R: Camp David is so picturesque that it behooves us to do nothing but make love there.

me: spoken like a true politician. yeah, it's in Maryland, and Maryland CLEARLY is For Lovers.

* Goldfish Cub: when you eat a handful of Goldfish crackers whilst parachuting off a helicopter into the icy depths of the ocean below drinking an Icee...

* Rafael Nadal: my name is Rafael Nadal. i will do your title Subway commercial. but I will NOT glorify your Pickleball Club submarine sandwich...

* Pee-wee Herman: why do all farmers have on their porch a LONG porch swing that seats 100 people?

Farmer Brown: we're all fans of 1910 Our Gang: Little Rascals film reels. every house back then had a porch swing...

* Lindy Lenz: still feeling low, Luke?

Luke Russert: yeah.

Lindy: what will cheer you up?

Luke: Disneyland, the Happiest Place on Earth.

Lindy: here.

Lindy hands Luke a Churro KitKat.

Luke: oh. i mean it's not really the same. but thanks. thanks for thinking of me.........you take it up to the counter, i can't deal with Mr. Money Magically Missing Ringer Clerk no more...

* Jen R and i are in the college parking lot.

Jen R: SEE?!!! now see HER?!!! THAT's what i'm talking about, a tiny 90-year-old Asian woman gets out of her silver Nissan Sentra with two good legs. she drove here herself. she even has an Autobot sticker on her gas gauge!!!

me: i guarantee she's a professor of botany...

* Seb Korda: i am the lead singer of the band The Midnight...

* Suzy Lu: i have the only Slipknot sweater in existence...

* me: check your mailbox.

Jen R: my email?

me: no, your actual physical mailbox.

Jen R: it's back at the motel.........OH CUTE!!!

me: it's a Nine Inch Nails pink sweater...

* Natasha Lyonne for Old Navy: nice pants? i think you mean nice ass...

* Diane Salinger: how are you enjoying my manse and its hidden corridors?

Pee-wee Herman you're a good tour guide.

Diane Salinger: my leather flying helmet collection has but 2: the one when i play Amelia Earhart and the one when i try out for the football team...

Pee-wee: and the one when you get rye caught in your teeth...

* Iowa Skinny: shoestring popcorn...

Mother Brain: if you eat a fried brain sandwich, you will fry your brain...

* St. Paul Sandwich: no, not four pickles!!! you know better, man!!!

* Stanford from Sex and the City: wait, so all monks are gay?...

Codrus: all Shinto monks, right?

Cotard: no, no that can't be right...

* royal progress: when Meghan Markle becomes Queen...

* Metro by T-Mobile.

Samantha Aolani Wimmer-Duran: now that's a name.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: yadda yadda yadda. just get me a cucumber water.

* Simu Liu: it wasn't all bad being an accountant. now i can count all my movie-star money...

Suzy Lu: i WISH i was related to Simu Liu...

* Volkswagen Atlas carpool chaos.

let's go, they're doing the Almost Famous sequel entitled Famous.

Beethoven wrote a symphony for the flugelhorn.

when does a kraken become an octopus? with a family's love.

daughter: these are the soccer uniforms?

mom: yes, they're tutus, coach wants to mold you into young women.

* Travis Kelce: fire hazard with the fireplace in the locker room. when does a Jets fan cry? always cos he's a clown. i mean that he wears the clown makeup, he hides his tears. what's your password?

man: your last name.

Travis: it's spelled KelSee.

* Progressive.

man: i can't sleep.

wife: sleep apnea.

daughter: i want a pony.

grandma: relax by knitting. knit Jamie's face on your toilet seat.

Flo: so now i gotta advertise those Scrub Bubbles in the toilet?

Pee-wee Herman: talking chair, those were the days. so Pee-wee-y.

* KFC: no chickens allowed at school...

CLICK HERE FOR A HEALING

happy weekend, my babies.

TOMORROW: Taco Bell does dipping Cubans...