notes:
* Wolfgang Puck: when i pierced the Kraken with my harpoon out there on the Santa Monica Pier, i made my first kraken pizza. pizza with octopus. it was a Spago Specialty, it was a hit!!! it was the first pizza i put in my new brick oven i layed myself.
Ear Horn: did it come with squid salad cream?...
* Jack Tripper: your middle finger...
Terri Alden: no...
* Jules Smith: TEA IS THE KEY!!!
* Ethan Hawke: i have a planet of regret on my shoulders.
Winona Ryder: and that planet is Earth. maybe work out more, skip leg day and focus on your glutes by eating more gluten. Jean-Paul Sartre had skinny shoulders, too. next time, go to your father's funeral in a sportsjacket with shoulderpads.
Ethan Hawke: nah, shoulderpads are too '80s. it's the '90s, baby.
* The Feral Monk: i don't rest. if my master's refuge is a sleeping bag i sleep. humans were meant to sleep for 3 days straight...
* Stephen A. Smith: call me Stephen Shakespeare Smith...
* Stephen A. Smith: i'm a fan of Arsenal but do NOT call me gooner...
* John Cusack: Reality Bites? High Fidelity, right?...
Ben Stiller: kinda.
Lisa Bonet: you forgot i was in High Fidelity...
* Batou: what's your favorite Police album, Major?...
Motoko Kusanagi: are you flirting with me, Batou?...
* Justin Trudeau: did you see those college pics of me with the buff oiled chest like i was some fucking weightlifter, eh? yeah, just saying. just Justin. i auditioned for James Bond, too...
Emilie Ikeda: it's gonna be okay, Justin...
* Winona Ryder: a warm hug is better in jeans...
* PBS: we're the only channel that goes there. only on PBS will you see an attractive woman in a pink shirt with a Catholic-priest collar...
* James LeBrecht: Crip Camp is as gangsta as you can get. people thought Brecht had a disabled brain, too, and he proved them wrong, so i will to you. yes i like the Muppets...
* scary fireman: i scowl. my face is mean. my brow, lip, and voice is low. when i look at you, you run away. my glowering glare turned off the sun. my stare made a moon. i have no friends, not even my wife and kids. so I am the one you want fighting your fire...
Trent Reznor: ...
* Roger Federer: i'm huffing.........out here on the court.........i don't take drugs now...
* Sam Acho: why am i always smiling? i know a secret no one else knows...
* Dirg: i'm frustrated.
Mardith: remember, when a girl has a private Instagram and you're on it, that's a good sign.
Michael Weiss: unless she's a Russian from Princeton. cos she's just looking to recruit you into cajoling Princeton to leave the Pac 10...
Bill Walton: ...
* Macy's: kids, we know going back to school is SCARY AS FUCK. but think about it, you can skateboard inside your school now!!! just hold this Macy's skateboard over your head on your first day and you'll feel less nervous, that's a rad guarantee.
Tony Hawk: ...
* Josh Allen: you're looking like a creep standing outside this woman's window.
man: it's okay, she's my neighbor.
Josh Allen: THIS is how you're watching NFL football on TV?!!! with my plan you watch 5 minutes every Sunday, just the field-goal highlights, that's it. now back away slowly back into the hedges like Homer Simpson.
man: i do not understand that reference, i am a millennial. and i went to Stanford, not Berkeley...
* CoffeeMate: turn your cup of coffee into a pitcher with the Kool-Aid Man's face on it...
Mocha Mix: i mean that's some bullshit. when do I get a new commercial? Mocha Mix hasn't had a new commercial since the '80s!!! i'm creamier in the '80s than CoffeeMate on his best day NOW!!!...
* Kay Adams: hi. i'm Kay Adams. i ONLY do Dick's commercials...
Dick's: Dick Ads...
* Steve Jobs: i'm getting a little ticked off here. Samsung is square, BOTH MEANINGS. i hate companies that swoop in after the GENIUS makes a product, alters it SLIGHTLY enough to get a patent, and claims it as their own invention. you really think cutting an iPad in half and making the screen SQUARE will attract the millennials?
Samsung: with our Samsung, you can complete Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom in an any% speedrun in 40 minutes...
TetraNinja: yes but it's not the same SUMPTUOUS experience as doing the walkthrough with me, exploring every nook and cranny, and taking 9000 hours...
* George Lopez: the Blue Beetle hugged my face and i grew this mullet.........i look good in a mullet, it hides my belly for more Belly Burgers...
George Lopez: Batman is a fascist.
Commander Bill Adama: finally, chico. orale. finally someone has the cajones to say it.
George Lopez: they already took Star Wars from us. they took Batman away from us. but i'll be DAMNED if they take Mas y Menos from us...
* George Lopez: the Scarab chose me...
Laertus's grandpa: no the Scarab chose ME a LONG time ago.........when i showed my boy the joys of reading at a college library under a rotunda...
happy weekend, my babies
TOMORROW: QUARTER POUNDER WITH CHEESE, of course, to celebrate Troy Dyer and Lelaina Pierce and all that.........oh shit i forgot, DoorDash doesn't deliver McDonald's!!! that reality really DOES bite!!!
Ethan Hawke: bite into a cheesemelt. bite into Julie Delpy...
Julie Delpy: those are called lovebites. love hurts...
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