notes:
* Lucio: don't worry, the phone is saying NAME UNAVAILABLE, not MAKE PAYMENT.
me: good cos i got no money.
Lucio: but it's still a spam call, you know?
* Camus: i predicted covid...
* NYC: if City Hall is capitalized, it means New York City's city hall.
Los Angeles: ...
Vinnie Barbarino: ...
* junk fees: the Pushaman
* red iPad Mini: why are you greeted every day FIRST with iTunes? as if iTunes is the most important thing in the world.
* Michael Weiss: everyone on Instagram is an 89-year-old grandmother...
* Kyrgios giving the mountza: Washington is not Wimbledon...
* Oakland A's: notice how the grass on our field is yellowish-green?...
* Brabus: holding up the tits in that babysitter shower scene in Arachnophobia...
* Confucius: it doesn't matter if you're busy or bored if your friends aren't around.
Socrates: hey C, i clogged your toilet again. sorry. never eat more than 1 Bloomin Onion at Outback Steak House in 1 day...
Confucius hits Socrates upside the head.
Confucius: baka. that's what happens when you eat alone.
* aliens: we were never bigger than in the '90s...
* Homer Simpson: i was the first person to ever spike a football after a touchdown.
Gronk: ...
Homer Simpson: i am Charlie Brown...
* Dad joke: there's just something about the number 17...
* Cyndi Wood: yeah i had a runny nose doing my Apocalypse Now cowgirl stripper scene in front of the troops, that damn LARGE ROTOR from the helicopter was disturbing my flow, disturbing my airflow.
Yoda enjoying the USO strip show: a whirling in the Force...
* Sadie from Verizon: not the chick from that Canadian nature show. remember live-action kids' TV on Saturday mornings?
ex-boyfriend: why did you go to Costa Rica for our vacation?
Sadie: my home life is not good. mom's texting dirty pics again. the thing is, she's an OLDER mom, you know? i had to get away. i had a Snickers.
* Liberty Mutual on the docks with the longshoremen.
daughter: you can save $700 with Liberty Mutual.
mom: honey, our family has never had 700 dollars.
daughter: it says on your physical not digital computer that you forgot to pick up dad at the airport.
mom: honey, there are no such things as airports...
* Walgreens: for Robin's asthma, not Batman's affluenza...
* Gatorade: you can't be a winner unless you've lost 51% of your games.
Michael Jordan: this is true.
Gatorade: Michael Jordan lost 100% of his sweat out on that court every night. Michael Jordan has no sweat left in his body.
Michael Jordan: come on, man.
* Netflix elevator.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: hey Chris Pratt, it says here the elevator can only hold 4000 pounds, so i can't be on it, my bicep alone weighs 5000 pounds.
Chris Hemsworth: that's Hemsworth...
* Meta Quest 3: wait, isn't Asgard a good guy?...
* Youtube TV: you can watch 4 screens at the same time, only available during March Madness...
* Trinity: oh you're surprised and dumbstruck when you see a talking Timon and Pumbaa in front of you but not when you see a talking cat such as myself debonairly walk on two legs. nature is EVERYWHERE, bub. i'm real, Timon and Pumbaa are AI.
mom: don't sing Frozen songs in the car with our daughter in the back seat.
dad: why not?
mom: Elsagate.
TOMORROW: see that's the thing, i've never had a Swiss Whopper at Burger King, but i've had Swiss cheese and a Whopper, so is it technically new?...
Swiss cheese: all the holes in me doesn't mean more places for bacteria to hide, right?...
Roger Federer: hide in my holes.
when i was a kid it started and it continues to this day: my fantasy. my ultimate fantasy is to raise my hand and pluck from the thin air in my room, magically, a Triple Cheeseburger from Burger King. and start to eat it and lick the greasy wrapper. i pretend i achieve this sorcerer's magic, that i'm a wizard, by ordering DoorDash and the thing in the bag arrives and it's like i SUMMONED it with the pixiedust rubbed on my triangular blue fingers by Mickey Mouse's paint. this is my conundrum, do i DoorDash the Triple Cheeseburger and Chicken Fries, otherwise known as the '80s Meal? or go with the exotic untested untasted Swiss Whopper?
i also do this with Coke. i have 3 cases of Coke in the garage, i MAGIC into existence the can of Cake from thin air and i'm holding the can and start to drink it. what i did was transfer the case from garage to bedroom.
i'm excited about the U.S. Open this weekend. happy weekend, my babies. it's at Los Angeles Country Club, a venue shrouded in mystery. why hasn't Major golf ever been played there before? it's because, of course, the place was home to a secret game of the board game Clue played by Howard Hughes and everyone else who was in The Rocketeer in 1938 Los Angeles. played on the second story where the tearoom was. and the tearoom models were...
my life would have been COMPLETELY different if i had stayed in Los Angeles. the very thought of Los Angeles makes me CRY ON CONTACT. not from the smog. from the WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN. i wouldn't be here right now. i wouldn't be on blogspot right now. Lucio and Avo as my best men at my wedding...
me: omg, you see how Rory is doing? but i'm actually biting my fingernails hoping that Rickie Fowler FINALLY gets his one, you know? the California kid makes good at home, that's a story. rooting for Rickie...
Rickie Fowler: my dad raised me on this course, this course was my childhood course, my Sherman Oaks Magic Castle Galleria course growing up, if you know what i mean. the course out back from the arcade.
Takahashi: i'm rooting for Yutaka, too...
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