notes:
* Greykid: grimalkin, i get it. like me as a grey cat using my grimoire as a scratching post.
Gladyce: and unfortunately as a synonym for a woman bitch of a certain old wizened dried-up hag witch age.
Doryce: ogre age, dear.
Matilda from Matilda: ...
* Lindy Lenz: HERE IT IS!!! WE'RE HERE!!!
Luke Russert and i look around the 7-Eleven at Berkeley, the one covered in vines and moss.
Lindy: get it now?
both of us stay very still in a meditative trance observing. we listen to the quiet rotation roar of the silver metal haircurlers cooking the hot dogs on that movable grill. we listen for the first kernel to pop corn. the first loud HOT PLOP of nacho cheese turning ordinary tortilla chips to nachos and one green jalapeno pepper. we smell the first cheese strand of the.........pizza...
Luke: PIZZA!!! omg i get it now!!! i've been in a BILLION 7-Elevens but i've never actually had their pizza!!!
Joe Pera: yes, i'm the lead singer of the band Hum...
me: all travel food is NOT the same. that's not a breakfast burrito with green chile in the microwave, it's a pizza in that community microwave by the bathrooms...
Lindy: it's gonna be such a HEARTWARMING BONDING trip thing when the three of us partake of our first-ever collective 7-Eleven pepperoni pizza!!!
Luke: i'm sure it'll taste good...
Tony Hawk skates the rotating silver metal rollers of the hot-dog cooker on his new skateboard.
Kurt Cobain: here, Tony Hawk, i want you to have THIS skateboard, MY skateboard.
Tony: i'll cherish it always. it has your drawing of Eddie on the back.
Kurt: Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Blue Oyster Cult, i can't remember, they were all my ESCAPES.
Eddie Munster: ...
* Rubikon: wait, you picked up the trash and recycling TODAY?!!! that means you didn't honor Juneteenth as a Federal Holiday!!! sure it's a NEW Federal Holiday but it's a Federal Holiday!!!
trash men: be glad we pick up your trash and recycling AT ALL...
* spot clean: nothing to do with cleaning the big-ass back-pillow in spots.
Madame Pons: it's for cleaning your dog Spot.
Greykid: a little dab'll do ya. we cats clean ourselves.
Clifford the Big Red Dog: ...
* Doryce: Nags Head? why is everyone staring at me?...
* Brandon Jordan: i'm a frogman, not a froggy.........okay i'm French, not American Frat Boy...
the Sub-Mariner from Marvel: you thought i was a mariner going sub underwater, rather than a man steering a submarine...
* Dora, Oregon: where Swiper is.
* Gigi Hadid: yeah i was HIGH AS FUCK doing those Coke commercials. i was drinking but it wasn't Coke...
* America's Test Kitchen: the hardcorers call us ATK. the fans know. like Mystery Science Theater 3000. we're ATK3000...
* Cody Longo: so i only get a Wikipedia page AFTER i die badly?...
* Coconut Creek: a minivan in the ocean, Paradise, the Blue Garden of Eden...
Stockton Rush: i rushed to the answers to life. a sub is the ultimate drive. i'll never apologize for my EXTRA passion for exploration. the media has already forgotten about us, everyone has moved on, we were a one-day story. the answers to life are found in the ocean, not outer space.
Laertus's grandpa, Julia Ioffe, and Michael Weiss join Stockton Rush, they all put on their Princeton sweaters and chow down at a coconut table on a tiny remote uncharted island for a hearty Hawaiian-Bostonian-Canadian feast of maple bananas, hum-fish baked beans, poutine with pineapple, non-poisonous gooseberries, giant green palm leaves the size of thatch houses, and ice cold lager.
Monstro the whale: i didn't eat him.........i wish he was safe inside my mouth tickling his naked body sliding down my baleen.
PH: balance in life.
* tramp steamer: a boat without a schedule, not a Cleveland steamer performed on your chest by a hooker...
Indiana Jones: ...
* John de Lancie: don't look into my stern eyes...
Q: DEFINITELY don't look into MY eyes!!!...
* Pati Jinich: eventually.........you'll fall in love with me. i have one of those faces, voices, and personalities. i got that Mary Tyler Moore quirkiness to me. i'm the Mexican Mary Tyler Moore. my beret is a sombrero. i toss a sombrero...
* James Cameron: whatcha working on, Guillermo?
Guillermo del Toro: dammit Jim. just kidding. how about we collab on a film about how you ponied up a $1 million ransom so my dad would be released by Guadalajara gauchos...
James Cameron: i'm a good friend. let's call it Free Willy: Padre...
* The Vatican: yeah the Emanuela Orlandi case, we'll look into it in 40 years...
* Sister Mary Kenneth Keller: i invented Vaporwave...
* Unicorn: Warriors Eternal: it's the Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends house!!!
* Hornswoggle: the reason i turned to a life of crime is because i flunked my Pirates of the Caribbean audition, i coulda been under the tutelage of Michael Eisner himself!!!
* Leslie Sbrocco: miso horny, now THAT's sauce.
Jacques Pepin: every time i eat a spinach enchilada i think of my poor late wife. she's still with us. how do you eat SO MUCH FOOD each week and not gain weight?!!! you're still so skinny. where does all that weight go?
Leslie Sbrocco: it goes into my HEAVY TITS.
* olive-oil cake: when Olive Oyl fucks Popeye so hard his muscles deflate into spent balloons.
* Allen Iverson: i'm the good AI...
* Wush: a SAFE waterpik for your ears!!!
* Sadie from Verizon: i got a brown cardboard box here that says LAUNDROMAT. what's a laundromat? i've never done laundry in my life.
Sadie: i'm moving to the big city!!!
mom: we'll miss you, honey. you're not going back to Costa Rica anymore, right?
Sadie: um, probably not, why?
mom: have fun at college, honey!!!
Sadie: *on monitor* hi mom.
mom: how are you adjusting? have you moved in yet? oh yeah it's your birthday, i forgot about your birthday.
Sadie: this is my first birthday away from home, i'm lonely, confused, and scared.
mom: listen honey, your ex-boyfriend from Costa Rica is my new husband.
Sadie: what about dad?
mom: he's the new dean of your college.
Sadie: i'd be madder but i just got to see the final season of Ted Lasso before anyone else in the world so i'm feeling pretty happy, satisfied, sated and sedated right now...
Jennifer Pizarro: Cristina Spruell could play me in the movie, just saying...
* Kohl's: NOBODY buys new clothes for Fourth of July...
* adidas.
Trevor Lawrence: ask the OLDS what they think...
Sepp Blatter: who are these walk-on bitches?
Megan Rapinoe and Alex Morgan: strangely, this commercial doesn't show THE ACTUAL TEAM of women that will compete for the U.S. next month at the World Cup...
happy weekend, my babies.
TOMORROW: see story above. 7-Eleven pepperoni pizza, let's do this...
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