notes:
* 23 railroad tracks, 23 ridges on a Nintendo Entertainment System greybox cartridge, who knew?...
* landscaping: the most relaxing meditative profession in the world...
landscaper: as long as you don't cut down any trees. all day i'm swimming in bush...* giant lobsters: better than tiny spiders...
* parlatore: a parliamentarian with a parachute, a parliamentarian paratrooper...
James Bond: ...
* Taylor Swift: i sing better in the rain.
John Fogerty: i play music better in the fog...
* Jaclyn Whittal from The Weather Network: let's face it, Canadian tits are the best tits...
Melissa Maker: ...
Melissa Maker: tits sustain.
* New York City: choked by smoke. the smoke sickness. tastes like a campfire without the marshmallows. eerie glow. pinecones? New York City doesn't have pinecones!!!...
Kate Bolduan: i didn't mean to wear my orange shirt today, i swear...
* Thursdays: not a day for another shower but rather Jacuzzi Day!!!
Doryce: ...
Doryce: Thursdays are when i have the most crust in my eyes...
* cats: we like water fountains...
* groc shop: shopping for grok
* serve the curve: Wes Anderson hot dog pierced by two tines of a fork, no bun
* egg sac: both sex organs.........in a spider...
* Jacques Pepin: it ain't a French chicken until it's cut with a scissors...
* Holt Hanley at Carmel Surf Shop: i miss the June Gloom...
* reporter with big furry fuzzy Muppet-hair microphone jogging alongside Boris Johnson: Sir Boris, do you have a comment? don't puncture my mic.
Boris Johnson jogging in the British woods: no, no comment, i'm jogging not running away. i've quit being an MP so i can do my Olympic jogging full-time. i'm gonna make the team for the Paris Olympics next year...
* Lucio: never say your phone number out loud to the check-out girl at the plastic cash register of your favorite grocery store, that's how the spam calls start...
* Trent Reznor: remember the wait between The Downward Spiral and The Fragile? it was only 5 years but it felt like 50 years...
* Candace Bailey: i could come out of retirement and steal all of Dianna Agron's parts!!!
* at the Cook's Country grill.
Bridget Lancaster: boning? i be boning you?
Morgan Bolling: what? my name is Morgan Bolling.
Morgan Bolling: oh no, Bridget, i'm not spreading the roast beef with my fingers for you again...
* Mickey Mouse: how is the mousepad more expensive than the mouse?...
* Willi Ninja: i look like Richard Pryor which is perfect because we were both innovators.
* Yahoo: it's a weird name, right? it's a strange name for a company...
* Leslie Sbrocco: watch me on Channel 9. it's called Nip & Sip.........no because you nip at the foods on totems, you're supposed to just nibble at all the colorful food arranged on flat concentric stainless-steel silver rings around the hotel. the wine is the star of the party. the real star of the party is the pineapple waterfall. for years it was called Devour & Vacuum...
* Einstein Jr.: there are 547,209 different Whopper combinations that are possible. if Relativity holds. which it doesn't, nice try, pops. i am Albert Einstein's son, right?
* Colin Kaepernick: yeah i'm doing the Peloton commercial, can't get work. i've been reduced to an old granny twerking her wrinkly butt in my face.
woman with cross around her neck: Peloton is not an elite cult...
* French neighbor on a moonlit night on the second story overlooking the Seine: Mia, can you send me that?
Mia: why is your accent Japanese and not French? which pic?
French neighbor: the Squid Game one.
Mia: nobody watches that anymore. nobody knows what that IS anymore...
* YouTube TV: more than cable. basketball. as in 3 balls. 3 basketballs, not 2, Steph. your remote control needs to have a trackball in it or nothing will work...
* Arnold Schwarzenegger: i'm the new CEO of Netflix. here, there is no Writers' Strike. all action movies here, all action all the time. it's gonna be a continuous loop of Suburban Commando because i owe Hulk Hogan a favor, he didn't talk about my dad and i didn't talk about his sex tape. here, my action-y samurai sword slices only butter and sushi in half. here, Season 7 of Tuca & Bertie is being drawn as i speak...
* Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chris Hemsworth in an elevator.
Chris: i'll be back.
Arnold: i'm a writer, Jim Cameron thought that line would be shit. i gave a lifeless AI robot killing machine a soul, a heart, feelings, think about that...
Chris: hasta la vista, baby.
Arnold: don't say that, it's not Cinco de Mayo.
Chris: get to the choppa.
Arnold: are you making fun of my accent? you have an accent, too, you know. i wasn't talking about a helicopter, i was talking about my dear friend Bruce Lee's karate.
Chris: not El Chapo? this is me i'll leave now...
* Kia Carnival: when you've just had a baby with C3PO and you need to show off the little chrome tyke to the rest of Burning Man.
* Chevrolet Trax: when you need to take that miniature you did of the proposed stone megacity in that live-action Flintstones movie with John Goodman and Halle Berry, you need to take this to the beach, it's a millennial thing, you wouldn't understand.
* Toyota Prius: the Who Framed Roger Rabbit car...
* Kia Telluride.
man: i just drove this thing through a fucking concrete construction drainage pipe!!! where's my flower i chew the petals of and can shoot fireballs from my fingers?
Wes Anderson bellhop bellboy with Andy Warhol blond hair: hate to break this to you but Mario never grows in size, it's all in Mario's head, he's on drugs the whole time.
man: that is sublimely depressing. i'm a puddlehopper in the Los Angeles River.
bellhop: you drive a Honda Civic? Wes Anderson scripts are all about puddlejumpers of various sorts. how can there be a puddle in the Los Angeles River?
man: i can't drive down snow mountains anymore, i need to be on skis shooting a pistol.
James Bond: that's not as fun as it looks, you have to get the timing just right. and i had to do it alone, Lindsey Vonn refused to be a Bond Girl...
happy weekend, my babies.
an existential question posed to me on Carnaby Street: do i spend the money now on ribeye burgers at Jack in the Box? or do i save the money and spend it later on a Chromebook wireless mouse and an at-home earwax removal kit?...
the name of the Carnaby street wizard was E. coli.
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