THE ELECTRIC WALL: THOMAS MERTON HAS SEX

Jen R: do you love me still?

me: yes.

Jen R: love me do?

me: love you do. i'm serious. this is serious. our love is serious. serious as a heart attack.

Jen R: you're getting to that age where you can drop dead from a heart attack at any moment.

me: this isn't about fucking. i'm through with fucking.

Jen R: you were.........just kinda okay with me. you know? it was just aight. you were just sorta alright with me.

me: i am all right with you, it's the only time i'm calm. like Dave from that FX show, i'm out here to find a wife. 

Jen R: this is getting ridiculous. it's one thing to cross-trek the country, but what are we doing in London? on this unannounced global tour. don't say Beatles.

me: two words: Carnaby Street, i wanna check out the birds...

Jen R: look, we're not going anywhere. despite traveling thousands of miles.

me: i don't wanna break up, only you do.

Jen R: but if one does, then both do. we do. we break up. i'm not some flighty bird, i have a kid, i need to be grounded and level-headed. i gots responsibilities. i have to provide. i gotta feed my daughter, i can't be gallivanting the world. i must be Mama Hen.

me: so does this mean no more drugs for you?

Jen R: i'm afraid so.

me: wait so were you actually going to divorce your husband?

Jen R: no. that was just a temporary thing. we had a fight last week.

Thomas Merton is not seen. because he is under a woman's skirt munching away at her vulva at a jazz club in London.

Thomas Merton: this is why it's good for women to wear LONG SKIRTS. hold on, Knickers, not long now.

Knickers is holding back her blue hair with one hand and holding down her skirt with the other, she's tapping her toes in her black penniless loafers on the wood floor but it's not to any of the jazz music being performed on stage, it's not to the beat, her panties in tatters, Knickers is just trying for dear life not to have too much of a funny orgasm face on her visage. 

Knickers: i'm biting my lip and crossing my eyes to keep the time going.

afterwards, the two exit the club to strange looks.

Thomas: that was quite the interesting time signature.

Knickers: you're telling me!!! it's a good thing the music was so loud in there, it drowned out my primal moan. i mean that was Louis Armstrong's very first gig, it behooves us to pay attention.

Thomas: i can't stand silence. i can't be in silence for too long, i go crazy. if i'm ever in say a monastic setting i'm gonna need to bust out my bongos and start tapping.

Knickers: alright alright all right. MM, not Morning Meditations, Matthew McConaughey. Matthew McConaughy just sounds like a good name for a baby, just spitting the wind out here.

Thomas: i need to be in high places. i'm like a cat, i need to be up high in trees or on the roofs of buildings. i watched the Masters this year from one of those green towers with the telescopic telephoto lenses and the reporters.

overview overbox: ...

Jim Nantz: you mean ONE reporter. that's me inside that damn small tiny-as-fuck green box on a totem pole beanpole perch lookout bunker trying to anchor. i'm towering and i can't fit in this tower. that box is so small it's smaller than a shoebox theatre!!! my fat ass can't fit, it's a 2x2 box, that's why i'm retiring, my butt got too big. Hannah Storm left me by riding a comet outta here, her face got burned by the comet as she left Planet Earth.  

Eye Luggage: you can't truly remember a movie unless you've REVIEWED a movie.

Boris Becker: watch my Apple TV documentary film.

Emma Raducanu: i watched it.

John McEnroe: damn.

Justin Thomas: i double-bogeyed intentionally to let my good friend Tiger Woods make the cut at the Masters.

Freddy Couples: me, too, oldest ever. my golf ball has glaucoma.

Rory McIlroy: so close...

stairway bunker: Led Zeppelin was the first public bookcase.

my car: gonna be dusty forever...

Dianey: the first Diane to do Dianetics...

Sam Bennett: don't wait to do something.........don't be Low Amateur at the Masters, be Low Pro at the Masters.........my father was Samuel Beckett...

Louden Swain: yeah, Vision Quest definitely has the Breaking Away vibes.

Lance Armstrong: i enjoy Taco Bell. i admit it. i like their Chicken Al Pastor quesadillas...

Ti and Do: you gotta love how you're watching the Heaven's Gate documentary on CNN on Easter Sunday...

Do: is cancer considered a human death?

Ti: yes, a painfully human one.

Two Witnesses: so Adam and Eve again?...

Fairyland Loop: for Mormon joggers who like a little Froot Loops in their trail mix. 

Takahashi: Brazil and South Africa got the Nintendo Entertainment System greybox in 1993?!!! that's a little late for '80s games... 

high school: wait, we have Spring Break?

Skip Day: i remember Ditch Day. for seniors and freshmen only. we drank whiskerinos on estoques by the Bay and didn't fight...

principal: we encourage our students to do Skip Day, it's all just April Fools'.

me: i had no idea that my school did a Skip Day.........no idea when it was scheduled.........it happened the day after prom.........now it makes sense...

Ginger Park: for the last time, i don't have red hair. i'm not a place. stop with the heads off the chocolate bunnies and the spice rabbits, it's not my fault candy prices are up from inflation. stupid kids on Skip Day.

Gentle Giants food: for cats, dogs, robins, not for bats.

Attack on Titan English live-action: just please, no Chris Pratt...

Stephanie Niznik from beyond the grave: no Chris Pratt.

salad scissors: all the sexes

CalHOPE: how sad is our world that people are more concerned with politics than love.

Thomas Merton and Knickers are walking in the woods.

Thomas Merton: you know what i admire most about monks? their jean jackets. i like it out here, it reminds me of Kentucky. just farms, and people who tell the truth. simple. the simple life. a land of trees and open fields for golf and dancing.

Knickers: is it okay to drink a can of 7 Up in a forest? i've never done it before. Kentucky, a stone's throw from New Orleans. why did you come into the nurse's office this morning? was it just faith that I happened to be there and was assigned your case? is love random?

Thomas: i had a booboo. on my finger. it needed a bandaid. you know, i always want to remember how you are RIGHT NOW in my mind's eye, i want to take a mental photograph of you with my telescopic telephoto lens. you sprawled out naked on a bed of leaves in this forest. your spread-eagle body. it's not creepy or anything. it's hot, right? having sex in the woods is hot, right?

Doryce: it can be...

the two go back to their shared hostel down the street from London's downtown in a hanging bungalow.

Thomas Merton: i love our apartment. i love our place. i love our home. i can't live anywhere but an artist colony.

Knickers: i mean technically i'm not your roommate. technically i don't live here. i'm Pavlo's girlfriend. but i do stay here a lot.

Pavlo was the dude who was actually paying for this place. he was an expat from Rome with long curly raven-black hair, a struggling puppet-stage actor, a struggling street busker, a struggling arts dealer, a struggling barista. Pavlo was never home. except when he was. like now. Pavlo is misting the hanging fern in the upper-right corner of the ceiling.

Pavlo: shouldn't it be baristo? look at my biceps, dude, they're MASSIVE now, padre, bigger than MY HEAD!!! see these Maori tattoos on my bicep? nobody at this time in the world knows what they mean, what they signify, it's a completely new tat thing!!! Tommy!!! how's the writing coming?

Thomas Merton: i'm blocked. i need to cum.

Pavlo: i am not as learned a man as you, but i know one thing. my mamma taught me this. you can't write a good book unless you've fucked a beautiful woman. that goes for women, too.

Knickers: you still haven't read any of MY STUFF, Pav you basta bakka!!!

Pavlo: Knickers is good like that, she will keep you less alone in the big city, she's a loneliness-killer. she was for me. are you helping Tom, Knickers?

Knickers: i'm showing him all the jazz hotspots. there's only one.

Pavlo: Knickers is a good nurse, she sewed up my broken heart. she can be your mender, too. 

Thomas: i need a mentor, i don't know quite what to do with myself.

Pavlo: hasta la vista, kids, have fun. i'm gonna steal the Mona Lisa tonight and come back here.

Thomas Merton and Knickers are at the library, on the second story.

Thomas: what a view here on this second floor!!! i love the Art Deco look of this library. and the fact that this library is owned by John Waters's father, that old card loves to touch women's shoulders.

Knickers: splay me out on this table, lay me down and get to work.

The Pope: God's work. sex is a beautiful thing. sex is a gift from God.

Knickers: the librarian's on her two-minute break. how does it feel to be inside a woman finally for the first time in your life?

Thomas: i like that i can do it while still wearing my robe.

Knickers: yeah why do you wear that robe all the time anyway? don't tell me you're religious.

Knickers: i shall begin the blowjob.........where is it? i can't see it.

Thomas Merton: it's that carrot down below there. i wanna be a farmer.

after one suck Thomas is ready to cum. Knickers sensually exchanges hands, she places Thomas's hand on his penis with her hand.

Knickers: my hand was previously holding your penis. see how that works? i'm like a guide. 

Thomas Merton takes ahold of his penis, he grabs it with his hand and points it, aims it out into the gallery.

Thomas: this is for all the Catholic cocks out there.

with a primal yell Thomas Merton breaks the stony silence in the library.

Thomas Merton: FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK

Thomas Merton's waterfall of white cum rainbows over the balcony and onto the first floor below. all over everyone's heads and on their books. the students scatter from the table below, looking up and wondering what or who broke their concentration.  

Thomas Merton speaks from on high as if from a raised podium dais high in the clouds in a cloud church.

Thomas Merton: i'm sorry. i am so sorry, everyone. everyone down below. i'm sorry about your books, all the pages in them are sticky now and they can never be opened again. i'm all for free flow and the free flow of information and expression of all ideas. no book banning. no book burning. Knickers, i can't do this anymore. i'm not about this life.

Knickers: what do you mean?

Thomas Merton: as i came i wasn't looking at you, and for that i am sorry. as i came i was looking at that Bible over there on the shelf. it made me realize. i gotta clean up my act. i gotta get reborn in wash, you know? this incident finally convinced me that i need to be a monk from now on.

Knickers: you're welcome?