notes:
* Carrie Fisher: Warren Beatty, stop chewing my leg. hinting at sex does not unleash the Force...
Carrie Fisher: hey how would Star Wars tennis be played?
Jen R: neon balls, neon racquets, neon court, neon cyberbrains. hey do you have any more of those orange tennis balls?
Mardith: i do my best cyberbrain thinking walking an abandoned tennis court at night, it's good for oiling up the ol' cyberbrain at night.
Carrie Fisher: i leave men with purple balls.
Bill Cosby: ...
* Greykid: DINKWADS SUCK!!!
* dark sky festival: the only place hippies can commune nowadays in 2023...
* The Outer Limits "Lion's Den": the thing is, this really IS the final episode of Animorphs. this is the Animorphs series finale if the show had been on Showtime...
* milky cereal: when LL Cool J gets the ladies to love cool James over breakfast with ice cubes in the bowl.
* Willow Creek: the REAL Buffy the Vampire Slayer sequel.
* Pete Davidson hosting Saturday Night Live: a feast for the raccoon eyes, a treat for the senses, a dirty delight.
* Disney music: sounds strangely similar to Super Mario Bros. music...
* California poppy: the Notorious B.I.G. was West Side, wasn't he?
Notorious B.I.G.: superbloom? Don't Doom The Bloom!!! i would have loved to taste the Wendy's Biggie Bag. of course humans aren't sophisticated enough to handle the delicacy of rare flowers. that whole East Coast/West Coast rap rivalry feud was just something made up by the radio stations to boost sales, to sell more records, right?...
* Ansa: a Finnish name that means both "virtue" and "trap"...
* Zales: you too can have a grade-school romance superbloom into marriage!!! you just need one of our Zales Diamonds!!!
Jared: i first saw her in 7th Grade Typing Class. i was so awkward around her, i had butterflies in my stomach.
Joan: no, you had the shakes because you were taking drugs.
Jared: i wrote her many love poems i never sent her.
Joan: because you had to TYPE the love poem, that was the assignment.
Jared: 13 years later, i asked her to be my girl with this one diamond earring.
Joan: and i replied, "Jared, i was ALWAYS your girl."
Jared and Joan hold hands and exclaim: this could only have happened at ST. CYRIL'S!!!
me: why couldn't Katie Newcom and i have been like this?!!!
Lucio: for real.
Katie Newcom: that's Kate.
Katie Newcom: i even gave you my phone number.........but it was a restaurant's phone number...
* Zales: our sales are bussin. Zales Sales.
* Twila Moon: ALL THE FUCKING ICE IS MELTING!!! what will it take for you to save the planet? all the old hippies like me are turning in their tree graves, we all thought we'd be in the Age of Aquarius by now...
* Codrus: The Monk's Kettle, a restaurant that's tucked away for a reason in Marin, it's expensive for a reason. without us monks there would be no beer in the world!!!
Cotard: i tried the romanesco.........fancy broccoli.
me: i want so badly to be in that club for men who rate burgers each month.........but you have to be a dad...
* Harvey Ball, creator of the smiley-face: why do i look so glum, so down? i'm Spock. i'm a Vulcan.
* Will Smith: hold up, the Fresh Prince theme song sounds eerily similar to Young MC's "Bust a Move"...
* Spike Lee: orange-and-blue skies? so Trump is pretending to be a Democrat now to win the 2024 Election?...
the Knicks come out of the tunnel tonight wearing their Orange And Blue Skies jerseys...
jersey: came from Medieval tunics...
* Red Lobster: feeling horny? we'll leave an EXTRA dish of hot butter at the table not for your cajun shrimp but for your bedroom for you and your date later...
* Dairy Queen press conference: HUSTLE, that word was only ever uttered for baseball, nowhere else in society. good job, Craig.........Biggio for taking all those steroids.........shit, wasn't supposed to say that at the press conference.
* Kia.
daughter: detour?
father: ROAD TRIP!!!
father: school's not gonna be easy.
daughter: i know.........but i think you're gonna do great, dad.
daughter: you know, dad, you didn't need to buy a rawhide backpack and go to a PHYSICAL STRUCTURE of a school, you could have done college online.
father: can i fuck your girlfriend?
daughter: what do you mean?
father: well she is my roommate this semester. i'm definitely going to a frat kegger tonight. i'm gonna smoke pot in my dorm room all semester.
* Druski: this is like Breakin' for basketball...
* Progressive family photo.
Marcia Strassman: this is what you want for your family portrait? by the RV?
wife: imma hot wife, hot enough to be a leading lady but i'm in comedy, like Cecily Strong and Jena Friedman. let's get some shots of me on the bike with the gardener's leaf-blower blowing my hair like this a hair-metal video in the '80s.
Beck: this is what i do now, i'm the leaf-blower. the only cool part is when i wear the leaf-blower like a college backpack. i thought weedeater would be different. don't you wish the leaf-bower could do its job but SILENTLY?...
* Sephora: discover your match. if we can't discover your match use some of the pizza oil on your face from next door at Sbarro's...
* Popeye's: the nugget, a shape that doesn't exist in nature...
* Jorge: Masienda is good, but i should have named my kitchen Masa Mass. we're the new Church after McDonald's. a miniature masa mill on every table instead of chips and salsa. have you seen Pavlo?, my brother is missing...
* Mark Cuban: interestingly i have no Cuban blood at all in me. and yet the Cuban sandwich was named after me...
* T-Mobile: you know how Ted Lasso ends? they lose. Just For Kicks is coming back for Season 2...
* Lexus: Battlestar Galactica is coming back for Season 5...
happy weekend, my babies.
TOMORROW: see that's the thing, i've had lemon-pepper chicken.........wings, but these are lemon-pepper chicken SANDWICHES!!! it's in sandwich form, it's new, it's NOVEL. WingStop. DoorDash was on Family Guy...
ORANGE AND BLUE SKIES!!!
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