notes:
* what would be a bigger story? Tiger winning the Masters, Rory winning the Masters, or Rory McIlroy FINALLY bringing Northern Ireland and Ireland together.
Goofd Friday Agreement: we're waiting.........we're still waiting...
* Rory McIlroy: i may not win the 2023 Masters. but take a look at my wife. i'm okay. it's all just mental, you know. it's mental out there.
* me: why i gotta wash the car when it's gonna rain soon? why i gotta bring a dirty dishrag to the proceedings and dry off the caked-in mud? the rain washes out all the mud, there are NO STAINS left on the tires and windows and tiny windows. why i gotta drive the thing all the way down to the car wash to get it a hot-wax sheen when it's just gonna get stolen again?...
* Bill Gates: the last thing you want if you get stabbed to death is for Elon Musk to deliver a terse Twitter on your situation my lumping it into his assessment of crime and punishment in the world...
* Babu Frik: he can't take the fucking cuteness of Grogu anymore...
* Will Zalatoris: don't worry, my back is still fine to surf...
* koler: call her...
* Night Court (2023): so we're just continuing our adventures over here in case anyone is interested...
* Outer Limits "The Sentence": where Dream Corp, LLC came from.
David Hyde Pierce: we finally get to see Niles Crane naked...
LLC: not Roman Numerals for any number...
* Craftee: Rosie O'Donnell's favorite online game.
* Gladyce: i don't need to do jumping jacks anymore. merely cleaning the kitty-litter box suffices. i'm down on my haunches for 30 minutes, the pain i mean the stretch is unbearable.
Greykid: ...
Greykid: feeding a cat without overfeeding a cat, feeding your cat without making your cat a fat cat, that is the most delicate balancing act a person can undertake...
Doryce: i hate driving. i prefer flying. on brooms. i hate cars. i only drive in the grocery store. Amigo Mobility is my only friend...
Gladyce slaps Doryce in the face.
Doryce: thanks, dear.
* Michael J. Fox: i didn't sleep AT ALL for 3 months doing Family Ties and Back to the Future at the same time.........it was worth it. i caught up on all that sleep later with all the various Daylight Saving Times.
* The Masters: *airhorns* play is suspended indefinitely and delayed for inclement weather. the rain is golf-ball-sized hail...
* Boen: Louden Swain's boner
* Boen: grapes hurt.
* Whiff: ahhhhhhh, that new Vanquish smell...
* DQ: cornhole is still not a sport. cornhole is still stupid. even if your backyard is inside.
* Willy: Tyler, don't smell the bacon, it's weird.
Tyler: Willy, do you think i'll ever land a babe like Katherine?
Willy: is it Katherine or Catherine? look at your pipecleaner arms. now look at MY arms. my biceps eat nothing but Wendy's cheeseburgers.
* Dupixent.
Kenny: martial arts is my being. see this bamboo staff? see this big-ass wooden stick? it's my paper straw to help the environment. every time i do bo-fighting i go blind, is that normal?
Mosetta: okay i'm ready. i'm ready to star in the black reboot of the '80s film Perfect...
* Safelite: i mean do you REALLY need windshield wipers?...
* Safelite.
woman: one push of our bamboo bo and there was no point improving our house cos our car got stolen...
* Kohl's: Sephora.........for kids?
Madame Pons: i mean.........even LUSH doesn't have a LUSH For Kids...
* AT&T: connect? it's not a connection unless you can hug the person. social media is ultimately.........bad.
* AT&T: wait, is Jason Preston a real guy or is this a character in a story? it's impossible to tell anymore. Jason's life CHANGED COMPLETELY overnight by a viral video of his dunk. how do yo feel, Jason?
Jason: i dunno, it's weird. my mom is still dead. will basketball help me ultimately.........?
* Super Mario Bros. Movie: getting bad reviews? Yoshi at the end...
* Brie Larson: at Nissan, our cars run on clay, not electricity.
* crash test dummy: i only believe in God during a car crash...
* Airbnb: if you live in a Yellow Submarine, do you really need to brush your teeth?
Jen R: no.
* Rocket Mortgage.
Felicia Day: millennial mortgage? that's an oxymoron, millennial mortgages aren't things. what does it mean to be a geek? if you're good-looking it means you can be on Youtube. but Youtube Culture is dead now, nobody makes any money anymore...
* Grant Hill: the Blue Devil gets the Bonvoy playboy penthouse suite. i'm not playing favorites. the Blue Devil is special, all the other mascots are animals or humans.
* Capital One.
Jennifer Garner: i can't sing.
Willie Nelson: "On the Road Again," i secretly hate that song.
Jim Nantz: this is the last thing i ever did for college basketball.
Spike Lee: i'm retiring, too, before i'm forced to do a Marvel movie because nobody has ever funded any of my movies, i've paid for it all myself.
* Capital One.
Charles Barkley: i'm rubbing one out on this genie lamp.
Robin Williams: heh.
Spike Lee: i wish Robin Williams were still alive...
Robin Williams: two left.
Magic Johnson: those are cool wings, Chuck. my favorite movie is Evangelion...
Samuel L. Jackson: i'm sure i did the live-action of that one...
happy weekend, my babies
TOMORROW: no more DoorDash ever again the rest of my life, i gotta pay for a car now forever
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