TMIT: A HOUSE IS A HOME...

"...come take control

just grab a hold

of my body and mind

soon we'll be makin it, honey

i'll be feeling fine..."

1. are women natural seducers or are men?

definitely women, they're the nurturers, the mommies, the carers, the tenderers. the big tits on whom you rest your weary head after a long life. 

this is true even when you're watching that first episode of Red Shoe Diaries. i mean we're talking about Joan Frickin' Severance here!!! come on! of course she seduced the dude despite the dude being all big and buff and in that taxicab in the rain talking about how the meaning of life is finding the right New York-style street slice of pizza. when Joan wears a pearl necklace she wears a pearl necklace, my friend! that Bauer kid grew up brawny, the kid of Jack Bauer and Nina. Cubans have all the fun...

2. which of the following statements most closely matches your sexual attitude?

a) sex is best when you focus on your own pleasure: especially when you're skiing down a snow slope chewing Juicy Fruit gum...

b) sex is best when i can totally meld with my partner and feel as one: only with a Vulcan

c) sex is best when the purpose is that of conceiving a child: only if that child is Spock

d) sex is just a behavior, don't put too much importance on the act, just do it the way you like and need:

i like this philosophy, i was like this for many years, go with the flow. then i saw the video for "What About Your Friends" by TLC and started wearing condoms on my pants and found the sex was more meaningful...

3. do you need to feel emotionally connected to enjoy sex with another person?

for me, yes, it's just better. if it's random the pleasure lasts a second, but when you actually make love to someone you've dreamt about your whole life, the woman who completes you, whose smile lights up your darkness, whom you can't live without, who you picture growing old together with the both of you wearing one set of baggy jeans by the porch with the moldy rocking chair becoming the last tree, THAT's when sex becomes a portal to an existential celestial out-of-body experience. yes this person is already married but that's besides the point...

4. are you allowed to be sexual? explain: only if my priest says it's okay. in the confessional booth he tells me Jason Bateman is my only get-out-of-jail-free card...

5. agree or disagree: sex without love is meaningless.

it's not meaningless but it's porn...

BONUS: conventional wisdom (but not research) says that women value monogamy more than men, is this true for you?

uh, no. no no no, not at all. just go to any comic-book convention and you'll see...

there are examples in nature: Carrie Fisher in When Harry Met Sally. murder hornets. in FILM and in LIFE i follow one person and one person alone, she's the only person whose explanation i agree with and adhere to, watch Celine's story of the island in Before Sunrise...

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