notes:
* airlines, not the dirty faucet
* not the new episode of Off The Air……...that was cruel...
* thank you, Viola Davis
* this message was NOT approved by Trump
* unfortunately this beautiful sweeping epic-romance Out Of Africa commercial about the American experience, the American election, can only be played on ONE day...
* noise now is noise not white noise or garage noise punk-rock, tweets are tweets which should never have existed, and talking heads not the band who just performed their old ditties on SNL...
* schools...let's keep schools schools...
* this looks more like Brazil...well, Brazil like last year...
* yes even airlines, we at Delta always HATED NASA...
* after the Astros, Americans will never play baseball again...
* only flight can bring us together. there is only one Purple State, and that purple state belongs to only one man, a great American who lived in a van with elevators down by the lake: Prince.
* there is only one game which will bring us together: Go. unfortunately nobody actually knows how to play Go. don't let people tell you they know how to play Go, they don't. you don't just learn Go by being the president of your junior-high anime club. a minute to learn a lifetime to master. no wait that's Othello, nevermind. play, not the play.
* Phoenix: i mastered Go. and Othello. what do i get now, sensei?
sensei: here's some gum.
Phoenix: oh. i thought you were gonna give me some wizened wisdom on how to hit on that girl over there.
* such a tough existential decision: do i keep my bottlecap so it collects dust and becomes a collector's item of candy powder, or do i use it as a checkers piece to meet my future wife?
* hey quit knocking the table around! all the pieces went sent flying! is this Nok Hockey? is this Carrom? is this Air Hockey? this is sending me back to UCLA drama camp circa 1985, when we---me and my new Indian best friends---played hooky for hockey and drank root beer floats without the ice cream at the arcade. we had to make sure to all go to the arcade bathroom together and wipe our lips of all that foam before we slipped back in again...
* Phoenix: i wanted tortillas, not flatbread.
Delta: same thing. besides, you are REALLY skinny, you need some iron pills or something. there's a GNC on our plane...
* Phoenix: hello, everyone, i've never had this many friends before. don't mind me, i'll be drinking my wine with my chopsticks all evening...
* where's my fucking tortilla!!! faster!!! OW that burned my hand!!!
* lady in red: i wish i could have been a ballerina. but UCLA drama camp kept me locked up in this tiny room with the red-light shining 24/7 so i couldn't sleep and there was no room for me to breathe and spread my wings.
UCLA in a statement: corona call......we've got the finest university lab in the country...
* HEY NO BLUE HAIR ON THE BUS!!! YOU'RE CREATING GLARE FOR THE DRIVER!!!
* not red chairs, huge wine glasses
* Dancing With The Stars has been corona-canceled...
* i'm not a dancer. i just like to wear baggy clothes and i got a kink in my leg that needs stretching. oh did i happen to run into this Indian dance class here? that is so Bollywood...
* PLEASE LESBIANS, don't fight! we need you out there! united and in loving committed relationships! make up! fuck! use strapons for the make-up sex if you have to! the Romeo & Juliet balcony is turning to stone...
* come on, sister, let's join hands and audition for Bollywood! we need a distraction from politics...
* anyone up for hedges croquet?
* Phoenix: wanna jump-rope, kid?
kid: no i'm trying to wrangle back the bull who is loose and wild destroying our city! HELP ME NOW!
* hi i'm a high-diver preparing for the Olympics...in four years. delta-shaped waterfall pool, nice touch.
* i'm not some thrillseeker cliffdiver. Dover was closed. my piton and rope are crucial for ringing the Liberty Bell on time! Big Ben has been renamed Big Boris.
* don't tell my mom, but i'm the Hunchback of Notre Dame. except i got a back-brace in highschool and my face cleared up...
* not a building, one giant blue Mardi Gras Mask...
* Blue Biodome, Pauly Shore still lives there. Pauly Shore has since developed psionic abilities since last we saw him, look at the blue iris round his eye, he was featured in the M83 video but got cut.
* okay, buddy, we have to do this ropeless cliffdive off this insanely high green mountain in Brazil. because it's the only green thing left in Brazil...
* Phoenix: i'm an atheist named Christian. my name is Phoenix and i'm deathly afraid to fly. wings on fire and i don't mean hot wings...
* at Delta we have already prepared for your space travel. being human you will only be allowed to use our planes for space travel. a little turbulence is normal. continue eating your mini-pretzels as you don't look outside your window to gaze at Earth cos Earth is a giant eyeball. round of applause for our special guests on board with you this flying day: Maynard and Kubrick.
CLICK HERE
THEN HERE
happy weekend, my babies
TOMORROW: well OF COURSE i have to honor the woman of the hour of the year of the young decade: the girl who quit her job at Wendy's by actually jumping out the drivethru window. i mean you don't see actual defenestrations in society anymore these days. not all heroes wear capes but they do wear silly paper hats. she is a hero to millennials and boomers alike!!!
see? it don't matter if you're Christian or not, WE'RE ALL HUMANS. nobody's a lost cause.
the only thing with Wendy's is......like they have this new bombshell breakfast slate full of great breakfast burgers that look delicious but...it ends at 10:30. why don't ALL CHAINS follow the McDonald's model of all-day breakfast? like you think they would to compete, right? do it for 2 Chainz and 4chan.
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