Friday, February 7, 2020



* this is ingenious, INGENIOUS!!! why didn't anybody think of this before!? combine the groundhog from Groundhog Day with the gopher from Caddyshack into one mammal!!!

* never noticed that before, it's the lamp from A Christmas Story

* Bill Murray: okay, just, where's Andie MacDowell, point me to her and this won't be Hell...
gopher: you were looking for her at your funeral when you should have been looking for her at her wedding...

* i need one of those Ferris Bueller ticker-tape-parade stock-market nightstand clocks...

* Ned: it's me! Ned Ryerson!!!
Bill: oh FUCK no not again!!!
Ned: do you know why i say my name all the time? it's the only word i know. you're my father! mamma wanted to name me Luke. remember? you fucked Andie MacDowell in the snow here and THAT was the predictor that there'd be an early spring cos you melted all the snow!

* Bill: that's different. what color is that jeep?
young reporter: chai.
Bill: go back to The Daily Buzz on The CW, the real reporters are here now.

* Ceremony Tophat: he took the groundhog!
Bill: fuck yeah i did. i paid for it!
Ceremony Tophat: how much?
Bill: i'm Bill Murray.
Ceremony Tophat: oh right.
Bill: i'll give him back if and WHEN David Letterman comes back!!!

* farmer: have we met?
Bill: believe this putz? uh yeah about 100 times.
farmer: sorry, i'm on drugs. you haven't heard of the farmer opioid epidemic?
Bill: no, i keep waking up into a bad actually yes i have heard of what it's like to take drugs

* farmer: you're gonna freeze to death.
Bill: who cares? i can't die.
farmer: i wish i was in the other Hell, at least i'd be warm.

* Bill: i don't know where we parked, i was following you.
gopher: don't treat me like a goddamn baby!

* Bill: hands at 10 and 2.
gopher: time doesn't exist. my hands are too small for this wheel, i'll use my tongue to steer.
Bill: it's funny, i have hair and you have fur.
gopher: other way around, dumbass! in your holier-than-thou righteous societies why didn't you legalize Christmas trees? that was centuries of free marijuana right there! why do you shave off your hair anyway? it's nice in the winter. you came from birds, we came from dinosaurs. we chuck wood, you chuck political systems.

* Mrs. Lancaster: bitch best believe you betta do as i say, i'm related to General Patton!

* hostess: oh sorry, no animals……...we accept only emotional-support elephants, no emotional-support cats or dogs.

* Bill knocks on the gopher's helmet.
Bill: safety first.
gopher: you just gave me a concussion.

* Bill: it's not personal, it's just a game.
gopher: then why aren't you playing Pac-Man?
Bill: cos a guy cheated on it, it's forever tainted.

* Bill: not a bad day, aye?
gopher: hold me. be my blanket.
Bill: why is there a giant tooth sticking out of you? time to go to the dentist, mister!

* Bill: no more crass debauchery. we are in the woke age not the anything-goes age, we won't be recreating the candybar pool scene.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: who you callin' Baby Ruth!!?
Bill: in this scene the short but mighty Ruth will become an Immortal by ingesting the same medicine Arya Stark by the lake did in that one Doctor Who episode...


happy weekend, my babies.

TOMORROW: the Wendy's Big Bacon Classic. why, you ask? well i don't know about you, but i like my bacon red and crisp, not brown and rubbery. i realize in an emergency my bacon will be used for slingshots and tourniquets.

2 REASONS TO KEEP LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE: new Beast Morphers and new Ballmasterz on the horizon!

SUNDAY: Billy Crystal: "no you can't have my porn. an Oscars show without a host? again!? that's like a trial without witnesses..."


Bathwater said...

I would love a Jeep Gladiator but I refuse to spent $53,000 to get one that is decked out like my current Jeep Wangler. Instead I am just going to keep the Wangler and buy a Chevy Colorado.

We do not need another Caddyshack.

the late phoenix said...

like with the E.T. thing, the commercial is enough of a sequel, will win Best Short at the Oscars next year...