Monday, February 10, 2020


1. in the bedroom, what makes you insecure? an unlocked door

2. in the bedroom, what makes you a champion?

Queen. when they play that song in the background while i'm fucking with myself, that song is about me, Freddie took one look at me and had to start sitting down at a cafe...

3. when it comes to sexy time, i earn a gold medal ___

in my ability to make a brick of packed flour...

4. at the sexolympics, in which sport will you compete?
a) artistic synchronized water sex in the pool
b) freestyle naked wrestling
c) artistic naked gymnastics


5. your significant other's ex is coming to town and he/she wants to go out to dinner with them alone. how do you react?
a) it's okay, no problemo
b) not thrilled but go head
c) just no...just HELL no

ONLY if this person is Santa Claus. but this is what i'd do, i'd OF COURSE allow it, you'll never get a chance to gain this particular strain of valuable intel again the rest of your life. let them go to that café down the block on the corner. then an hour on, i stealthily pull up a chair at the booth in the corner of the café, take out my notebook, and my new pencil i chewed to sharpen, and begin taking notes...

BONUS: what kind of fidelity (being faithful) is more important to you?
a) physical/sexual
b) mental/emotional
c) neither
d) both

only one fidelity matters. the kind where you're at that sex party in the Hollywood Hills---at a mansion that is unlisted and covered in palm trees in the dead of night---and everyone's wearing the red drama-mask, or the red comedy-mask, and you decide to wear the deer mask cos you know, that's the unbreakable code which must never be whispered, the inalienable codeword never uttered in the ear only to the angels, THAT is Fidelio.

the inside hallways are littered with orchids. you know where orchids come from? from the root word orgy.

and you meet Ludwig there. and he tells you he's working on an opera. and you tell him that will be the only opera he ever writes. and that blows his mind so hard he has to sit down on the balcony and switch to decaf cider...



ancilla_ksst said...

I feel slightly discontent that I've never been to an orchid orgy now. And a second ago I'd never heard of them. Ah well.

Bathwater said...

Fidelity both mental and physical are important. In my opinion, one leads to the other.

the late phoenix said...

ancilla: there's an orgy every Thursday afternoon at Trader Joe's by the apple barrels...

bath: there's one password to get to the orgy, but to get to the balcony the password is: Mind-Body-Spirit Connection