Friday, January 10, 2020



* Pinocchio: wait, were we meeting at Denny's or IHOP?
Samantha: does it really matter?

* Pinocchio: you look like a Heather, do you get that a lot? has anyone ever told you that?
Samantha: excuse me, i'm the queen of sex, the fucker of queen bees, i can hold my own against any man and i ALWAYS end up on top, honey. i'm not a drug-addled ex-cop.

* Samantha: you're Pete Nocchio?
Pinocchio: Nocchio, from the Italian for gelatin...
Samantha: so you're telling me in the light you're Boone from Lost?
Pinocchio: what a boon you randomly found me on the vast internet! hey wait, what's with all the treehouse wallpaper here? is this a children's library?
Samantha: later, that's Japanese nochio.

* Pinocchio: the pic was a professional headshot.
Samantha: look at the sticker on my sweater, you think i'm an idiot? yeah, i'm sure that's it.
Pinocchio: i mean i'm a famous star, have you heard of Geico commercials?

* Samantha: why is your nose growing?
Pinocchio: i'm excited to see you i mean meet you. you are so beautiful...

* Pinocchio: i'm doing a juice cleanse.
Samantha: Patty Schnyder was my friend you know!
Pinocchio: only apples! cored apples! no oranges i swear! only Orange Juliuses! Juliusii?

* waitress: hey director! cut! can i have a line here?
Phoenix: sure.
waitress: i want to say, YOU FUCKER! to Pinocchio when he spills all my tray water with his stupid long wood nose.
Phoenix: i like your vibe, go for it.
Pinocchio: hey that's cool, you did what Brad Pitt did in his first role in front of the camera as an unknown actor, he spoke up and intonated a line that wasn't in the script for him. Brad was playing a waiter. and you see where Brad Pitt is now, winning that dang Golden Globe and snogging Sharon Osbourne.
waitress: i won't end up another cliche waitress trying to be an actress. imma play Janet in the Three's Company revival...

* Pinocchio: so does that count as me hydrating for the week?

* Dave Lister: first day on set at the Red Dwarf revival and MY how far Rimmer has fallen.
Pinocchio: i always wanted to return to my original human form...

* Pinocchio: drat! and i was just about to impress her with my spooky knowledge of Bruegel's painting "Hunters In The Snow" from the film Melancholia. this WASN'T a children's library!

* Pinocchio: does anyone have a power sander?
*empty set, wood-eating crickets*
Pinocchio: i guess i gotta get my nose down myself. i'll be in the bathroom...


happy weekend, my babies.

TOMORROW: okay i gotta say, even I gotta admit, this is gonna be one bitchin' weekend! i mean you got the simmering silver season finale of Infinity Train tonight, Action Jackson finally in playoff action for the Ravens tomorrow, and then on Sunday/Monday, Mike Tyson Mysteries returns!!!!!

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