Russ Ballard was quite the balladeer.
1. what makes you dislike life?
i get asked this at every session with my psychiatrist. it's not that i dislike life it's that life dislikes me. i tried to go on a date with life to smooth things over---i even wore a flower this time and paid for the water---but life was having none of it, life tried to split the check three ways. not the fun three-way. i suppose i hate when i'm busy. but it's worse for me when i'm bored. you get to the point where you envy those who don't have to think of such things anymore, they are at the end of their journey. you hope to have a grand greasy last meal like that Sopranos mob boss. it's like Winston Churchill said at the end: "eh, it's just all boring now..."
2. when has a mundane occurrence or chance completely changed the course of your life?
i thought i would marry my college sweetheart and be a writing team in LA and that'd be the end of it. no online. ever. but my mind started to deteriorate heavily one day as i brainstormed and reached for story ideas. so i shunned the only thing keeping me sane cos it was making me crazy. i dropped out of uni and immediately started seeing a psychiatrist. a different one, tragic tale why that. anyway, the sessions were so boring, i didn't have an outlet, i just had to sit there twiddling my knees. he advised me to sign some forms online for insurance and that's when i clicked on a wrong link and randomly discovered the world of blogs. it was an awe-inspiring sight, the power of blogging was too much to take in at first. these little things called blogs, what were they? they were forums of freedom. where you could write about...ANYTHING. and the pictures, don't get me started on the pictures. sure food blogs, travel blogs, but it was the deep-dives into panic and abject fear of living---THAT was the writing which interested me. and then one day i happened upon a random mustard-colored blog of one very special person. she inspired me to write seriously again, something i hadn't done in 20 years. i thought those days were over. i'd be a desperate loner alone in my cocoon of sadness forever. no one ever knowing my name. now, well, my problems have magnified since society is the one deteriorating. but at least i can write about it...
3. what has taken up too much of your life? sleeping. sleeping is an odd duck. i'm always tired, whether i sleep or not. and the iron pills aren't working. i'm not at least granted the superpowers of an insomniac. on the one hand i love to sleep, i NEED to sleep to keep balanced. but i tend to sleep too much, i take three naps a day, and then i'm irritable cos i don't have the time to do the stuff i really love to do. like worrying.
4. what is the most ridiculous rule you have to follow?
everyone in the insane asylum must shower once a day. how am i supposed to shower when i can't be around people? i was so nervous one time i dropped the soap on my head...
5. what does the voice in your head say?
push the button. send that email. send that text that was in the trash. in your draft folder. you know good and well it's REPLY ALL......do it anyway...…...my doctor says it's when the voices are silent that i need to start worrying...
BONUS: what's better than great sex?
the forbidden love of a married woman...
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I hear you about sleep. It takes up so much time and we never feel quite rewarded by it, yet it is necessary to function. Kind of like work.
sweeten: yes. I heard once that the body doesn’t know the difference between a five-minute nap and sleeping for 8 hours, i’m gonna go test that theory now...
Blogging can to me at a difficult time after my divorce. I met new friends and some wonderful people. That is why I keep drifting back to it in times of trouble although most of those old friends are gone.
Ooh! Your answer to the bonus question was so intriguing. I suppose forbidden love could rival great sex...or at the very least contribute to it! :D
bath: I don't know where i'd be right now without blogs and that I started to blog myself. not here that's for sure. I've met my new fam here. it hasn't cured me but it's provided me a great valve.
BB: I've fallen into a trap I can't get out of. my heart pains. I've fallen in love with a married woman...…...eh, then again I fall in and out of love easily so maybe next week I will have forgotten all about it...
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