look closely at that dancing couple or you'll miss it...
1. what is the most useless thing you know how to do?
one time, on my first try, i flung like a frisbee a giant whole pizza and it landed on top of my roof. that is not what they meant by toss. that's the origin story of jumbo slice. wait, do i actually miss Breaking Bad? i guess i do...
also, i've read the ENTIRE Driver's Test manual from CAA, the California Auto Association. and the DMV, the Department of Maximum Volume. i've installed speakers into my bumper. i could ace the written portion of the test in my sleep. but i'm still too nervous to drive...
2. do you use sex to relieve stress? how?
yes, the wrong way. folks, friends, please learn the lesson from me. heed my example. don't be like me. i lost two dear friends and a family over the holiday arc. next time i'm gonna relieve holiday stress by sipping more cocoa. it's impossible to maintain any semblance of relationships when you're a sex addict.
3. what sex act or position did not thrill you until you tried it? anal. take it from me, it's much more fun when you have someone in the room with you instead of toys.
4. what is the most unusual but fun sexual encounter you had?
it was with Graham from Doctor Who. we met and our eyes sparked. i told him i thought he was a great natural actor. he said something to me i couldn't understand. then he shot me with purple lazers coming from his shoes. this is the first time i've orgasmed all year.
5. what is something that can happen in the middle of sex that will make you put on your clothes and walk out?
when she puts on her clothes and walks out...
that happened to me mid-coitus. i had to call for the new Doctor Who to solve my problem and help heal my old wounds...
BONUS: what was a random compliment that someone gave you that really stuck in your memory?
one time a big burly man with a bushy beard and red hat came up to me like he was gonna pounce and told me, "if you were an alien, i'd fuck you till my roosters became chickens."
little did he know...
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2 comments:
My friend Tinkerbell was a good for just stopping in the middle of sex and walking out. Fortunately she never did it on me. Lately the sex has been so good it has been distracting.
Bath: a spoonful of pixiedust makes the medicine go down. I love your blog, you’re a great writer!
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