Monday, December 30, 2019


still not exactly sure what's going on in that cover, but it makes me uncomfortable. people folk and mystics in unnatural funky shapes as they commune to contemplate death. it doesn't sit quite right, it's not settled, it's like Romeo and Juliet but raw and real...

1. in 2019 did you
a) get a new job
b) get a new haircut
c) get a new car
d) move
e) get a new romantic partner
f) have a kid
g) take up a new hobby

a) i REALLY need to be Regional Sales Manager at a mattress store
b) Croydon facelift. i thought it was an actual facelift thus i wouldn't have the money. i pestered Dr. Zewert to do me for free but was escorted out by the Donut King regional manager...
c) flying car. but it got towed tho. do you know how hard it is to parallel-park a car that's flying?
d) no, but a guy on the bus called me a bitch...
e) this year i was hiring business partners. they thought it was for a business but it was to get busy. it was for them to give me "the business"
f) i'm a kid. i had me. only call someone Kid if they're good at pool. you know people who are named Junior, deep down they're thinking, come on, you couldn't give me my own name!?
g) hobby sounds quaint in this day and age, you know? like a hobby is something you did in the '80s, just you in your red argyle sweater with a toothpaste-tube of glue, putting thin-wooden model-airplane kits together. when i think of hobby i think of me in the '80s barefoot on the shag carpeting of my local woodland library putting away my shoes in the cubby-hole as i settle in for 3 hours of Judy Blume making a teenager cake before my mom picks me up

2. in 2020, will you...
a) get a new job
b) get a new car
c) take a risk

let me just say outfront that truly seriously without trying to be funny it's a miracle that i am still alive. typing this to you right now.

take a risk? being alive is a risk, fundamentally that is a choice, too. do you go for that big promotion or sweep that woman off her feet even tho she's married cos she's your soul mate. me? i like to remain safe in my cubby-hole at the library. where i tend to my potted cactus-plants who talk like Gonger from Sesame Street.

BONUS: what will be important to you in 2020 that wasn't important to you in 2019?

my tongue is slowly getting used to paper straws...


when next we speak, i shall be a man of the future!...i got a time machine...

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