Monday, December 2, 2019


1. what's new with you?

this week i reach a crossroad threshold: it's time for my doctors' annual eval of me. they've already declared me clinically insane but this is the part where they opine on my future prospects. they call me a user. i counterargue that actually i love people and always try to treat others with love and compassion. no, they say, a user of drugs. but this is not true. sure i once downed an entire bottle of McCormick Steak Seasoning Spice but...

2. what do most people get wrong about you?

writers are people, too...

3. who in your past would you like to have sex with again?

Jennifer Pizarro. third-year Berkeley drama. as in drama class. go to my Instagram and read all my stories, she's all in the main character, implied, or in the subtext of every word i write...

4. what do you always have time for?

helping resolve disputes between friends. everyone is my friend. like take this for instance which happened just yesterday at drama class:

Anna Paquin: i hate you, Bob, i love you.
Robert De Niro: i don't get it. what? i don't understand, which is it?
Anna Paquin: sorry, but those are my 7 words...

5. what is it about you that a lot of people comment on?

most people think i'm a lost cause. i go to a lot of people around the neighborhood for encouragement. but they tell it to me straight, which i appreciate. my priest stopped praying for me. my teacher substituted for me. i was the only kid on the block that Tony the Tiger told the actual truth to: that his cereal Frosted Flakes was just pure sugar, not healthy in any way...

BONUS: who has completely lost your respect?

Rodney Dangerfield. see i knew Rodney before he was Rodney. he was my next-door-neighbor and was more like Clint Eastwood old man get off my lawn, not the funloving grandpa who goes to college and widens his eyes like a guppy at all he surveys. in fairness, Rodney was a crusty carpet-salesman, it wasn't until he finally got a taste of fame in his later years did he loosen up his beltbuckle and not take things so seriously and dance every once in a while.


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