TMIT: SEXY TIME

1. what is sexy time to you? whenever Borat tricks me in an interview

2. who's sexier---men or women? clearly women. even straight women would agree. we men are just kinda here on this planet hanging out underneath the hoods of our pickup trucks trying not to get our dicks caught in the axle. the female form is the final proof that God is a woman.

3. how did you learn to masturbate and how old were you when you first succeeded? map teachers always did it for me. no, not math teachers, map teachers. they'd write in chalk on the board and smile:

up up down down left right left right B A Start

no, that wasn't the Konami Code............................that was how to masturbate...

i've almost succeeded, just a couple more online dollars till the crowdfund is complete...

4. do you like taking naked photos of yourself? i've been reading on Buzzfeed Tech or wherever that there's a whole etiquette to giving and receiving wanted nudes. it's all very complicated and step-by-step. wouldn't it just be easier to send noodles? or doodles? doodles of eggplants and stuff?

5. what is your biggest sexual fear? that i'll never do it in a clocktower

bonus:  to you what does the ideal penis look like? (feel free to include artwork or photos): the eggplant emoji, only red

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