Monday, August 6, 2018


1. is falling in love effortless? yes. i fall in love with literally every person who crosses my path. i love my enemies more than my friends. Jesus likes this but my friends don't. one time i had a heart-to-heart with Jesus but Jesus showed me His heart and there was nothing more to say really after that. look! there goes the neighborhood black cat again! hey, the black cat is running away from me! (cats are people, too, they're familiars for witches.)

2. is your significant other more like your mom or dad? i had peerless parents so i hate to compare them and judge my lover against their paragon of virtue. and society's rules. suffice to say all my lovers were lovely and there's enough love to go around. she was a healer like my dad and a paladin like my mom, she left the seat up on the toilet like my mom and always had a deathly case of the munchies like my dad. all three musicans in their own right. although one played at the Philharmonic and one was poorly in a hospital bed. when it came time for the operation, he was cut open bless and a large solid black rectangular FruitBar of slag was pulled out of me pappy's body and soul. it was that ominous silent black floating thingie from 2001 and we all locked shoulders and stared at it cos that thing represents, symbolizes the end of all comparison.

3. which parent do you identify with most? from my dad i take my love of books. from my mom i take kindness and rectitude in the face of unholy hardship. from my third and fourth parents i take a love of obscure cinema. like, say, The Flight of Dragons. i used to say to my folks when i was a wistful wanting kid that i had another set of parents. i only mentioned they lived somewhere out in the country. now, through 23 And Me, i've discovered they were real and they did live out in the countryside in a cottage. their names were Milisande and John Ritter. i always took to Three's Company from the start but i never fully grasped why. now i know, now i appreciate, i had a subconscious leaning to the voice of John Ritter.

4. what one thing are you lacking that you believe will make your life run smoother? books. i need more books. not self-help books, no, god no, real books, fiction books, books which will teach me to love again. love magic again. i had fallen in love with the pizza and forgotten about the magic. ('80s Shakey's's were dens of opium and Dungeons&Dragons. we had to move many times, it was a lonely life. when they kicked us out of Round Table we were scared but we were together. we eventually set up our own men's beauty parlor so we could talk in peace.) this is me whenever they allow me to get a new book in here:


5. which is sexier, constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules? playing by the rules. you see Tom Cruise out there? he got hurt slipping on a stunt he insisted he had to do himself and almost shut down production permanently. yeah, it's all fun and games, it's all biting your fingernails and clutching your seat's armrest until someone gets hurt and that armrest rips off and flies into the screen and makes a hole in the screen. that would have meant the loss and cost of many jobs, many livelihoods. please, everyone in the industry, i beg you, don't romanticize poverty, please take care of yourself and your friends. R.I.P. C. Martin Croker.

bonus: do you think confessions make a relationship stronger? only if you're in a relationship with a priest......wait that came out wrong...



Jules said...

1: Yes, but staying there is like going on the same package holiday for the rest of your life.

2: My significant other is Sir I and he is like no person alive. He can sate me mentally but physically he is useless unless on permanent vibrate with a full battery.

3: Family Guy/ American Dad.

4: Amazingly large false breasts.

5: Always push the boundaries because they don’t really exist. The boundaryverse is unfolding as we speak. Outside the box, the gifts Pandora dropped can be found. Follow this trail for unearthly tripping.

Bonus: No. Fake it for role play fervor. *)

the late phoenix said...

1. on holiday, I saw the Trivago Guy's package...

2. i use cucumbers my salad I mean. I talk to my salad. he's a great conversationalist. his name is Ensalada. or Sal for short.

3. make mine Family Guy in the Seth Wars. the Family Guy writers are just starting to feel what it's like to come up with new Simpsons episodes. one day, the Simpsons will end and Family Guy will take over that coveted 8PM Sunday slot on FOX. that will be one weird day.

4. your breasts are perfect, mah dahlin

5. yeah you're right, there are no boundaries. I think I figured it out: the universe always existed. it goes on forever because you have to look at the universe out there as the inside of a body...

6. I was a good Catholic boy. then I started watching this movie which featured a priest and a female congregant inside a confessional booth...

love ya *)