Friday, August 3, 2018



* one day this will all seem normal again...

* representation, more valuable than green money. cash that is, not a check. tho we need checks. greenbacks. poker chips.

* still the best logo in sports. a year old and already an Arthurian legend.

* lady A: wait for it...
lady B: mom?
lady A: if you want. you can be anyone in Vegas.
lady B: who's Lady A and who's Lady B?
lady A: doesn't matter. tho i've been called an asshole more than i've been called a bitch.

* lady B: thank you, i haven't showered since my parents disowned me.

* lady B: let's get married.
lady A: yeah right, on what planet?
lady B: we're currently on an alternate Earth. you read about this sort of thing in sci-fi paperbacks.
lady A: i wish they hadn't burned all the paperbacks. that was as sci-fi as it gets.
lady B: why do you wear that ring on your finger? is there something you're not telling me?
lady A: it's on my middle finger.
lady B: i've always wanted to ask, what does that signify?
lady A: down-to-fuck i think. i dunno, i don't go online. not even for tickets.

* Phoenix: lady A: Thelma, lady B: Louise. easier. i think, i think their personalities match. carry on.

* Thelma: we knew we'd get married when we met, it was love at first sight.
Louise: i thought you were my sister. we kinda look alike. agreed, we met here in Vegas, but this was five minutes ago, but if you want to get married, fine.
Thelma: *flashback* i didn't plan on anything to say to you.
Louise: well whatever, you just said it. that was your opening line whether you liked it or not.

* Louise: this is supposed to be a commercial, right?
Thelma: yes, about love is love.
Louise: why is everything hazy? why are all the pretty colors whizzing by my head? why can't i ride that blinking golden-lights horse in the sky?

* Thelma: what do you mean your parents aren't proud of you?
Louise: well i kinda converted all of their life savings to poker chips and gambled them away here at Vegas. this isn't my first rodeo. here at Vegas. i keep this gold poker chip around my neck as a reminder. the cops know it's me and keep me from the poker tables.
Thelma: you're beautiful. you're successful. you're charming and funny.
Louise: being beautiful is all that matters.

* Thelma: my shirt is a stack of plastic champagne glasses, drink up.
Louise: my parents would never forgive me.
Thelma: because they weren't invited? or the gay thing?
Louise: my mom and dad are both priests so it's hard for them to forgive.

* Louise: they don't see the world the way we do.
Thelma: what's this?
Louise: a rainbow-colored scarf against the backdrop of the Grand Canyon...replica.
Thelma: where did my peacock go?
Louise: i know, i don't have to ask. my parents are blind monks.

Louise: you are such a kid, that's why i love you. never change.
Thelma: only if you promise we never leave Vegas. hopefully i won't do something bad.

* Louise: Vegas is the only place where you can still play the petite bowling with the long candlesticks.
Thelma: grab one of those candlesticks for our moonlit spaghetti supper later tonight.

* Louise: Shark Week roleplay, intriguing.
Thelma: which one's the shark and which one's the chum?
Louise: i'm allergic to water. this is how much i love you.

* Thelma: we're gonna be together forever.
Louise: we just met.
Thelma: trust me. it's magic. i know these things. i'm a Romanian fortuneteller.
Louise: oh yeah, i just noticed your accent just now. i'm a gypsy, too, but more of the Stevie Nicks variety.
Thelma: i predicted the rise of Dracula.

* Thelma: look, it's a wedding! a wedding in Vegas, that never happens, it's fate!
Louise: no, dear Thelma, that's a candlestick bowling alley!

* Thelma: let's just peek.
Louise: as long as we don't peak. i have the doomy feeling this is the high point of our relationship. but i am blinded by all these pretty golden lights making my brain not work as it should so let's go in.

* Thelma: SURPRISE!!!
Louise: *verklempt and overcome with emotion* who are all these people?
Thelma: i bought all these friends and family for us. that kind nicely mom from the South who is my mother who is the stand-in mom for any same-sex couples who want to marry but are afraid of attending their own wedding alone is unfortunately out of town. she usually lives here at Vegas. so i guess we'll just have to use your parents.

* Thelma: here, use my phone.
Louise: this is my phone.

* Louise: where did you get the money for all this?
Thelma: stole it from you. long con. i still love you, babe---the love is real---but a girl's gotta get paid. yeah i don't really have a job, i'm a professional card-counter or something. here at Vegas.
Louise: i love the big hanging yellow balls, i never went to prom, scared my prom date off. the theme was Under the Sea But Aboveground like this wedding is. he later jumped in a lake.
Thelma: yeah, i always wanted a house that finally had stairs, never lived in a two-storey home, but you can't always get what you want. especially in the desert where the second stories tend to blow off by haboobs. okay, let's go.
Louise: go!? where!? why go back to our old lives? we must stay in Vegas forever, the outside world is dead and dreary, this is the only place that makes sense to me, this fantasyland of lights and lambs.
Thelma: we can't stay, i'm on the lam now.
Louise: what if we switch identities? that would solve both our problems.

* i once in Vegas started dancing to the beat in my head. i had drawn the curtains to my luxurious suite which i was staying in on someone else's dime, friend of the wedding, and i got the curtain caught in my faded-jeans zipper. not only did my curtain come down exposing me for all of Vegas to see, all of the curtains in every room in the hotel all came down in one fell swoop of a sweep. needless to say i was wearing my shame that night in more ways than one.


happy weekend, my babies. why did they bury Andy Murray to the graveyard shift? it's not cool to play tennis at 2AM, believe me i've done it. it seems like it would be cool but it only ends up being eerie. every bounce of the tennis ball magnifies and is heard by all the snarling hounds who howl nextdoor at the graveyard. nobody should be doing ANYTHING at 2AM except sleeping, and maybe watching anime. especially in Washington, D.C.!

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