MR. MALDARK: SWAILING, PAGE 2

later, when the offices are closed for the night, Mueller and company break back into the office.

Mueller: it's a 24/7 job we have.

Ashley: i miss him. this was Comey's old office, too, right?

Mueller: yes. i know. here, use this phone. it's untraceable.

Junior begins singing a little Italian ariata in front of the crescent moon.

Comey: that's amore!

Ashley: *smiling* you were listening in to our private conversation?

Comey: of course.

Ashley: *smiling* that is so cute! honey i miss you. i'll be over soon.

she heartily kisses the bottom circle of the phone receiver.

Junior spits on that bottom circle and wipes it with his pocket kerchief.

Junior: saliva is the best disinfectant. for coicles.

Mueller: untraceable.

______________________

at the weather center, Dr. Erika Navarro is interviewing a stubborn barkeep in the wake of Hurricane Nate. who has his arms around her.

barkeep: Nate? another one? now little lady, let me tell you you don't live to be as old as i am without learning to tune out. there can't be more and more of these storms, it's impossible. my shop was serving the slop and the juice through all kinds of disturbances and we ain't stoppin' now for some hype. some nother Nate. it's gonna come destroy us? record flooding for a Category One Half? come on! that's more of that fake news that's meant to divide us. i mean pick your poison, right? isn't it time for all of us in this world to be happy? come dance with me.

Erika: no.

Goody Paul: was he bothering you, dear? it's Goody in the studio.

Erika: yes. his staggering ignorance.

Goody: THE RAIN SHALL BE NAMED. this rain's got a name. unfortunately there's no rain relief in sight for those Cali fires. we name all storms around here at the weather channel, i wonder if we should name this firestorm.

Erika: probably in bad taste.

Goody: i was thinking........Fire Man!

____________________________________

Mr. Maldark is called into Intendo's office. at school.

Intendo: Mr. Maldark have a seat. well, you'd be shocked to witness the stuff i see everyday driving around on the job. why just this morning i see a whole car crashed into the garage of this house. these are our neighborhoods. that thing looks like it's been there for awhile. hasn't been moved or touched at all. i mean jesus.

Maldark: i have class.

Intendo: i won't keep you. my men searched your place. ransacked the shit out of it. every nook and cranny as they say in Englandia. we checked your victory garden, nice government-issued plums by the way. seedless, right?

Maldark: i cringe at what pesticides you sprayed them with to achieve that. came with the house.

Intendo: i'll be honest. your place is a mess. papers everywhere. sheaves of scribble and plans for something and long trails of numbers. formulas written in blood. sumerian symbols. stacks of dust. books pinned to a large hairy bulletin board which is really just your bedroom wall. red yarn hanging everywhere.

Maldark: that's for my cats.

Intendo: yeah, and your purple cats scratched my eyes out! it's a bit nutty. a conspirator's cave. all that was missing was the tinfoil. what are you cooking up over there? it was like a sniper's nest.

Maldark: but i hate guns. oh no, i don't cook extravagantly with tinfoil anymore, too pricey. i'll never eat a roast chicken again.

Intendo: and what was that flag? like a good citizen you had your American flag up 24/7 but it had orange stripes and green stars. what's that supposed to symbol? the only time we didn't have eyes on you was when you did that tinkerbell thing in your morning robe where you twirled around and put the pieces of bacon to your nipples before feeding your cats. watch yourself.

Maldark: art. and, uh, the art community.

Intendo: you're dismissed.

Maldark: class. hey class! listen up! this is not a traffic school. this is an institute. thanks for fixing my stickshift, Deen, it was sticking something awful.

Deen: no problemo, Mr. Dude.

Less: brodacious.

Less and Deen high-five under the stressed tile.

Deen: hey are you feeling okay?

Less: no, not really.

Maldark: okay the movie should work now. if the power doesn't go out in the middle. hopefully you complete this and the teachers' starvation pay the bills around here. follow intently,

THIS IS 100% OF YOUR GRADE, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

the students look on, mum.

Maldark: hopefully we all achieve. to dream like this. the first person to ever dream of space travel was a man by the name of Lucian of Samosata.

Less: and the aliens. and the women.

Deen: true story?

Maldark: yes, that was the name of his book...