EAT LOCAL

learned:

* Bonnie Swank is a maze babe. that's what i meant. she's a local celebrity down here. she's the green gilf. always organic, always natural. man my thing for older women is really starting to show...

* every season when the air starts to chill and the leaves die orange deaths, and the oranges die, though we had a 90 day recently, Ms. Swank shucks all the corn and bales all the hay and rides all the tractor and cuts her fields to 2000-whatever and adds cotton to all her crevices for cobwebs and slants all her outhouses and spookifies the chandelier lights and charges a fair fare. it's dubbed The Experience and it's wonderful. i hope to go someday. i assume there are candy apples to bob and a fog machine in their closet.

* no skeleton jokes.

* she has a husband, too.

* but she's clearly the star. she's not related to Hilary Swank but she looks like her. hey you know maybe she is. Hilary's baba or something. Hollywood is technically part of Hollister.

* bless. she is doing the devils work cos October is where Halloween goes to die. i don't know if you've noticed but nobody celebrates the Souls Day anymore. maybe it's recent events or that Wicca is year-round now or that there are no more full bars just funsize or that that last Simpsons segment made everyone lose their appetite or that costumes aren't a novelty anymore since the dawn of cosplay. nobody trick-or-treats anymore. not on my block or anywhere in my neighborhood. of course it doesn't help that there's one streetlamp in the whole town. on the mayor's porch.

* i now use the uncarved pumpkins for pumpkin pie. i used to like pumpkin pie.

* wait, there's an All Hallows High School in the Bronx? come on!

* this is what first got me hooked. she's a veritable Hitchcock blonde here: CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

* CLICK HERE you can tell she's had acting lessons. or she has a really bad cough.

* French noir phase: CLICK HERE

* this is what happens when you play with Pokémon cards: CLICK HERE

* really bad hair day: CLICK HERE

* relationship goals at the end of this video: CLICK HERE

Happy Halloween Long Weekend, my babies! federal indictment? now that's scary. you know, in this current climate, when i see people walking down the street wearing Guy Fawkes masks, i have no idea what they're revolutioning about anymore.