Jen R: if you want my time, you have to be my husband.
me: woman THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO!!!
Jen: trash hack. to save money on those tall kitchen garbage bags.
me: which are very expensive.
Jen: put TWO days' worth of trash in ONE bag. easy.
me: yeah but the bag will weigh 53 pounds.
Jen: i'll carry the load, i'm the strong one in this relationship. got your Stubbies on?
me: oh yes.
Jen: i got my dolphin shorts on...
Jen R: went to the wild reserve park and i saw the Hessian Hellcat up close roaming in her natural environment.
me: Annie Adamson, comic-book legend, horor expert, free-soul genius. one-of-a-kind. unique. no one like her before or again. her BREADTH OF KNOWLEDGE of pop culture was unmatched.
Jen: her empathy was unmatched.
Mac and Kieran Culkin: dad and Uncle John growing up in Huntington, New York. then moving to Manhattan Beach.
dad: except i wound up in Van Nuys.
me: wouldn't have changed my childhood for anything in the world.
dad: that's why you weren't raised in Manhattan Beach with the others. i didn't break up the family. it was always Aunt Cork and Uncle John. i was left alone to fend for myself.
Patrick Lavender: matcha? the Green Party?...
Starbucks: our wifi is NOT free. how much is it worth it to you to write your novel at Starbucks? how much would you pay for peace of mind? would you pay your soul?
atmospheric river: the Vaporwave of weather.
rain: in the 80s, rain was nice, rain came down nice, it wasn't violent like it is now.
Instagram: the land of a couple of opportunities...
Instagram: a couple of opportunities for couple opportunities. hurry, get yourself in a couple before everyone's taken.
Storybook International "Minu": agnosticism.
Claire Nielson: i like doing the voices...
morning rain: rain in the morning means 2 AM, not 9 AM...
Jesse Eisenberg: i mean i wrote the thing, where's my Oscar?...
Armie Hammer: remember when i was on top of the world as the Winklevoss twins?...
Lady Aberlin: i wanted to be Miss Yvonne...
Diff'rent Strokes: stoked.
Mr. Ramen: call me Ramen Sama.
Frog Dreaming: salty language for a family film. with the tadpoles looking like sex and everything...
Jen R: gotta love the '80s in Australia.
The Big O: Big Fau's controls are bulbous dark-vinegar glass bottles found in a Medieval tumbledown tavern.
voice god: not the voice of God.
Melissa Maker: Eric Bauza lives near me. we have the same house. all Canadians are neighbors.
Eric Bauza: Mel Blanc can't hear me anymore, right?..........i'm better than Mel Blanc.
Mel Blanc: i'm the voice of God. i heard voices in my head. but i got paid for it.
Bob Knight: Hoop Dreams was my childhood...
Isiah Thomas: Bob Knight gave me a grandfather chair for my birthday...
Bob Knight: didn't think you'd survive me to live long enough to be a grandad.
dad: John Feinstein was me as a sportswriter.
John Feinstein: Bob Knight is on the cover of A Good Walk Spoiled...
Crying Freeman: in anime all things are possible. even Japan and China getting along. long enough to come. together. to love each other. in a naked love story.
Chris Cornell: Outshine Outshine Outshine, those are good lemon bars.
Susan Silver: cake?
Chris Cornell: popsicles.
Crying Freeman.
Emu: do you cry during sex?
Yo: um, yeah.........
Emu: i'm wet.........because of your tears...
Obama: but you know, AFTER the election, booing is the ONLY thing you can do to those who won to let them know you disapprove of their existence, to let them know they're doing a bad job.
me: it was May 2, 2024.
Jen R: a Thursday.
me: Thursday night. i was TERRIFIED. my mom had fallen again and hit her head, i was fearing the worst, a concussion, a long hospital stay. i had nowhere to turn, i was alone in the house, fidgeting my thumbs at my computer looking at the ceiling, a new episode of Check Please Bay Area was just starting.
Jen: 7:30 PM, 10:30 PM in Baltimore. and as usual Leslie Sbrocco was no help.
me: i fumbled to my phone, your green light was on so i entered your DM.
Jen: think about how lucky it was that i just happened to be there at that time by my phone ready to talk you down. i had just tucked the kid in with my bedtime story and was free. that's fate. that's kismet.
me: we talked for hours. well, typed for hours. you were so gracious and comforting, a warm blanket at night.
Jen: i was steering you AWAY from your mom or you'd get all tense again and slur your words. we mostly focused on that bad Police Academy movie you were watching.
me: because of this incident i forever associate Police Academy with trauma.
Jen: we all do.
me: that's how it started!!! the you and me talking constantly on Instagram DM.
Jen: yeah. ever since then we text each other 400 times a day.
me: that is Heaven.
Jen: even when we're living together.
me: old habits die hard.
Jen: poor Bruce Willis.
me: you said something to me that night that made me CRY. i CRIED DEEP AND HEAVY IN THE NIGHT.
Jen: i texted you
I'll see you tomorrow
me: yes.
Jen: nobody had ever promised you that before.
me: everyone leaves me. everybody abandons me. and there you were, my first text at 4 AM.
Jen: 7 AM in Baltimore. i was munching toast.
me: i CRIED A LAKE that morning.
Jen: i could only ever text you forever after that, i had to always check in, because you were never gonna get better!!!
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