MATT AND SKYLAR: MIDDLE-AGED MIDDLE MANAGEMENT

 

Skylar is dealing with a bully at Safeway.

Skylar: this is my place of work, not a nightclub.

Aron pointing to his cheek: do you see this sprawling monk beard of mine? i'm sorry, babe, but technically that makes me your manager, you work UNDER me, you gotta go anything i say. hey, i don't write the rules, Thomas Jefferson wrote the Safeway Constitution.

Matt: yeah right, dud. and the Safeway Constitution is in a scroll in a locked vault safe in Joe's shirtpocket.

Skylar: oh thank heaven, hey Matt, an oasis of calm in the chaos. Matt is Lake Tahoe.

now Matt was not known for outbursts like this, he NEVER made a scene. Matt's voice was the low whisper of lifelong pain. his hound-dog face was so forlorn, so morose, it made Eeyore smile.

Aron: stay out of this, Matt, i have glasses, you have an L.L. Bean parka. Skylar, why are you stocking the shelves like you care? like this is your house. you know the Safeway way. we don't carry the good batteries, we don't carry AAs, we carry F batteries. SWEEP UP THIS SHIT!!!

Skylar: Aron, listen to me the way Aron from the Bible listened to his mother's burning bush: we are never going to fuck.

Aron: THE DORITOS TIP!!! 

Skylar: what?

Aron: DO IT NOW!!!

Matt comes in like a ninja, he pokes Aron's nuts HARD with the pole of his broomstick. Aron's balls are on fire. Aron crunches into a heap on the waxed linoleum floor of the Safeway.

Matt: you sweep. stock to your nuts. i'm not a fighting man. i stay in my corner. but you can't dishonor the Dorito. that Dorito triangle on the floor was so tiny it was bigger than your scruffy dick. that's a triangular mote of dust, not the holy Triforce of Zelda.

Jaleel White: watching me host a gameshow is more relaxing than yoga.

I'm Going to Break Your Heart.

Raine Maida: this documentary of our marriage is Once but in real life.

Chantal Kreviazuk: it's The Before Trilogy in real life.

me: seeing private behind-closed-doors couples therapy up close is VERY HELMING for me base I will never DNOF using a family of 5 like this

Marissa Makr; isn't Canada's ice solid?

ChantalL Raine, putt love is glacial ight now. like this weather.

Chad Rebodls: could therapy I so Canadian.

couple therapist: you are two musical geniuses, bot I me you're list a range man and a maid wi cleans the barmaids house.

RaineL careful, dick, eat here you day here will become ,u song lyrics.

jamtalL the only time people smoke anymore is after sex...

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Martin yanL ain;t got time for no saiodag sides.

Lady I  the Tadoarpt: IL  the Fyay Ouft at shallow Maks mom...

Fault: thanks for this morning.

Matt says nothing. Jen stays stonefaced.

Fall hey can you help me with ky checker center? all of these drawers which cine has the Ely> which one has the credit-card slide button?

Mattel I;m not going t our top drawer.

Jules oh come on  ILS okay to sneak your peek, IL wearing a juice .70s brown striped short.

Mattel it;s the bottom drawer. I HV the key. wait let me crocus down to reach it. I'm not looki gat your room dawn, I swear. this fan key is rejiggering as it hanje;s. THERE, it;s open. Kay FINE, that took too long, I got a NICE LONG VIRE of you Otto, I our u some I  your butt. AC intl Aly f course, your bott is INDAE, I Nat t DIE E our butt like Snuggle the Beatles roll of Chamrin toilet paper. 

Darya Night.

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Kaia Greberl where's eye a DSP?...

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Michael O;'FInoghieL who was the bigger Ashfield, me or heavy Vajse> my Ashley came form being a brilliant writer, Vhevy was spit a pretty boy. John  broski was a king humble genius.

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me: this past me, bot I love Jen R Moe then even YOU IN 1975.

Laraine Newman l should I power KY nose?

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I hated comaonyL Instagma fiends bot real. it's lonely on a tratt night when you're talking to a goat Tconeroga pencil. 

Hannibal Burgess: t,ever when I was on you show?

Bill visibly:L ...

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Jack Tripper: icky and I had a doughty on easing 4. HR name is Halloenn Dow. om gonna go into the bistro and cry now...

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Gi see Cal:L the Olney down is 1st down, not 3rd down. no one's down.

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Jerry oensL the Cownoys suck shit. but I dontl care anymore. this Idar roves I am a better actor that Deion Sanders.

Aron at closing time: Skylar, i used your paycheck for today to pay for my penis bandage. 

Skylar: i get paid on Thursdays, numbnuts, both meanings of numbnuts.

Matt and Skylar outside.

Matt: what's all this?

Skylar: oh, i bought up all the chorizo pepperoni in the store because i know that's Aron's favorite. 3PM. huh. when do you stop working?

Matt: stop working? i can't afford to stop working.

Skylar: you're giving grey vibes. an aura of grey all around. ah, is this it? the famous Mattmobile!!! i see it each morning parked by its lonesome on the way other side of the parking lot in the corner.

Matt: it's just my car. a blue Ford pickup truck with a red stripe for a cab door. i'm trying. 

Skylar: i should be going straight to school now from here. but i've lost my drive to succeed. can you give me a drive?

Matt: sure. you live around here?

Skylar: where are you going?

Matt: what do you mean?

Skylar: come on, we both need a vacation from the dead-end black hole of this place. somewhere they don't know us. can't check up on us.

Matt: Tahoe?

Skylar: you read my mind.