THE ANIME AEGIS: COWBOY GHOST

 

Steve Blum: babe, come over, let's sit on the rattan couch, Alan has something to show us.

Mary Elizabeth McGlynn: i love our wacky houseguest.

Alan Watts: can i call you mommy and daddy?

Mary and Steve: yes.

Alan: thanks i was wondering. my bio dad left me to become a Catholic priest. so you know when you wake up in the morning and your mouth is full of yuck?

Mary: gingivitis gunk.

Steve: my teeth are always yellow.

Alan: you rinse with mouthwash to feel CLEAN. it's the same with your dishwasher in the morning, it's waiting for you to turn it on.

Mary: with sex?

Alan: so it can experience that same clean-mouth feeling.

Steve: i feel you, brother. this could be our next joint anime, babe.

Mary: i see it all now, babe. gel pac as dishwasher's gel toothpaste. one of those trippy-as-fuck animes that only come out of Osaka.

Jen R: Cap'n Crunch for dinner.

me: yeah. cereal is the four food groups. Choco Crunch just tasted like tiny chocolate chip cookies, very unoriginal.

Jen: Christmas Crunch is STILL in my stocking.

Jen: Punch Crunch was Flintstones-vitamins-flavored...

Olivia Nuzzi: the Thwaites Glacier tho.........he doesn't have much of a face but Kennedy is still a name, you know?.........never met the guy, sexting is not a "relationship"...

Simple Minds "Sanctify Yourself": same sort of vibe as Toto "Hold the Line."

Steve Blum: i have to thank Toto, Gummi Bears was the cartoon where i really cemented within myself i wanted to voice for a living.

me: i KNEW there was a reason i have a starmap connection to Toto, they formed on my birth year in Van Nuys!!!

Dr. Drew: do you have a license?

Dr. Robbins: do you?

Dr. Drew: i don't need a license, i'm an entertainment doctor in Hollywood.

Dr. Robbins: i'm a shrink in Carmel.

Dr. Drew: it's all the same thing.

Valley of the Dolls.

doctor: this is a new crackpot disease from Huntington Beach...

Sharon Tate: what about you? 

Tony's sister: Tony's not really my brother, we have different fathers...

French man: hey, there's no pornography yet. we use terms like "measurements" and "undraped." sex scenes are still in the dark...

Dr. Drew: so it turns out pills don't go down with water...

Patty Duke: how are you gonna get out of my pool, you little tramp? best to stay in the pool, i don't want to see you naked.

husband: she makes my cock 9 inches tall i mean she makes me feel 9 feet tall.  

agent: come on, Neely, you know you can't eat during the making of a picture!!!

Patty Duke: hey, no bar bawls with me, mister, I Dream of Jeannie there in the back will save me.

Jim Cantore: i remember in the '80s, lightning storms would flash, thunderstorms would rumble, but the power never went out, no power cuts in the San Fernando Valley...

Valley of the Dolls.

San Fernando Valley: we don't want to be associated with these dolls.

Judy Garland: yeah i got fired. I'll Plant My Own Tree up your ass. i don't care, i joined the band Toto...

Leslie Sbrocco at the sanitarium: um, Patty Duke, that is NOT a mud bath...

Patty Duke: why am i so surly? stupid-ass nurse!! they put me in an oatmeal bath but it was a bad special effect with the canvas.

Patty Duke: never play checkers in the sanitarium, dangerous sport.

Sharon Tate: don't worry, they were just a couple of Hot Tamales candies...

Patty Duke: i'm a lil stinker.

Internet Archive: 69 cents pound chuck roast. there was still a chance back then to turn it around. 50 years of moral decay. of course the kids today don't see it, they're kids!!! just like we were the kids in the '80s!!!...

Patty Duke: Jennifer, where are you?!!! that would have been the most powerful line to end this movie on...

me: why are my windows ten feet tall?...

Jen R: you are in a lucid dream right now...

Mark Hapka: it's 6:11 AM and i'm at a 7-Eleven about to go in on a breakfast burrito...

Jim Cantore: flood warning tonight, no rain.

Abbot Butt: Saturday-morning silence...

Luke Russert: it's more like granny yoga than gilf yoga, you know?...

Tai: political stars, the politicians or the news anchors?...

Fuerza: mom is everyone.

hot dog: it's not rotten, it's relish...

Billy Corgan: a pickle in your hot dog, very Chicago.

Boc: also, my favorite.

Jackson Browne: "Somebody's Baby," the song used in the episode previews of Sailor Moon...

Kelly Slater: remember Wet Seal at the mall? 

Bethany Hamilton: contempo casual. all the clothes were silver for some reason.

Kelly Slater: why was surf wax called Sex Wax in the '80s?

Bethany Hamilton: i guess you could also use that gloop in bed.

Fuerza: Battenberg cake is proof i want you to have a good time at church...

Boc at Sharper Image: the silver desk balls hitting each other back and forth on a string, set of six, very Zen sex.

Mary Elizabeth McGlynn: how's everybody enjoying the cloud eggs? honey?

Steve Blum: they look like something out of Cloud City from Star Wars. i like my eggs cloudy, honey. 

Jen R: so cute!!! i'm doing these for my next dinner party.

me: there are 260 ways to prepare eggs.

Alan Watts: i like poached eggs because i need to be in a water bath.

Swig: religion created this drink. the divine created this dirty soda. this is Mormon Mountain Dew. this is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' purple drank.

Isaac Newton: Newton's cradle should be called Newton's Balls.

Mozart: ...

Kim Cattrall: mannequins to the moon? nice try trying to get rid of me, Sarah Jessica Parker...

Banksy: yeah, let's bring back the vernissage...

Suzy Lu: daily Dragon Ball will be the death of me. but it's delightful.

Steejo: why is this your life?

Goku: don't worry, Suzy, i'll save you...

the morbs: melancholic nostalgia.

toilet paper, tissue, paper towels: the trifecta.

Greykid: i have carrots in my lobster wet-treat, you have carrots in your soup. 

me: but are your carrots coin-cut?

Mary Elizabeth McGlynn: i'm tired of the rat race of anime.

Steve Blum: i'm glad i caught your tail. want me to nibble your cheese?

Mary: Steve i want us to do indie anime out of here in Hawaii. i'll set it up. 

Steve: what will our production company be called?

Mary: Cowboy Ghost.

Steve kisses Mary on the lips but he misses and hits her teeth.

Mary: the greatest thing the two of us ever did was not grow up.