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Deadpool: i'll just take that bomb off your hands...
Alan Watts: it's not a bomb, it's my pressure cooker.
Deadpool: i'll give it to my partner and life partner Wolverine, he's the one into all that war stuff, i'm just in it for the sarcasm.
dad: got any turmeric? we need to tranquilize.
Deadpool: i got a bottle of turmeric in the back of my Jack but turmeric needs to tea or it doesn't work. that stuff makes your stools rock-hard.
Alan: give me ideas, i'm dry as a mushroom.
Deadpool: bake Coca-Cola Oreos in your cooker, those fizzy red Oreos are the best things i've ever eaten in my life. talk about two things made for each other!!! made to squish into each other and cream like me and Wolverine.
Liam Gallagher: you can understand me, it's YOU who has the accent.
me: i'm just thinking about the Goonies sequel.
Liam: i'll play the pizzaface monster man. HEY YOU GUYS!!! no makeup needed, i Sloth'd my voice on a brick wall.
Steven Spielberg: somehow, a bagel will save the day...
Jen R: but who would play the big bad? Granmama Fratelli...
Darth Vader: you can never kill me, you motherfuckers. you space sons of bitches. i'm the only voice actor who matters. i'm an important voice in the world community. i was the one who stopped the Bomb!!! they dropped a bomb on me. at age 100 i'm getting married again, i'm off to my CNN wedding!!!...
Darth Vader: even Darth Vader gets a second chance at love late in life...
James Earl Jones: with my voice, i should have done anime...
James Earl Jones: i am The Voice, not that stupid NBC show!!!
Darth Vader: i ain't some squeaky white guy, i know what the yellow pages are.
Deadpool: Ace Bricklayers do good work, little buddy, they did my desert dwelling on a cliff...
Darth Vader: how do you eat?
Deadpool: my mask is temporary...
Brooke Nevin's boyfriend: why did we wait 20 years to have our FIRST child?
Brooke Nevin: i was just REALLY scared our kid would inherit my stuff and be an Animorph and turn into a shark in the middle of the night.
Edward Packard: ...
Edward Packard: and you guys don't have a waterbed?...
Paula Abdul: so the cartoon cat in my music video "Opposites Attract" is from Rock Odyssey...
MC Skat Kat: will i certainly wasn't one of Andy Warhol's cats...
Ralph Bakshi: hey toots, Rock Odyssey is something i would have done for UCLA Film School, no risks.
Michael Jordan: the Monstars from Space Jam are The Munsters in Rock Odyssey...
Hanna-Barbera: we had to do Rock Odyssey, they wouldn't let us draw Daphne from Scooby-Doo and Judy Jetson naked...
Pebbles: wanna see me knocked up? check out the SLIVER of Rock Odyssey found in Hollyrock-a-Bye Baby the Flintstones TV special...
Norm Macdonald at Denny's wearing a hat: yeah Rock Odyssey, that was my first role, i played Elvis...
Laura: class rings were big in the '80s. and in 1952. always at the prom the ring exchange was made. let's have this a temporary spurned-lover story, we don't want me turning into Belladonna of Sadness here...
hippies: SAVE THE GRASS!!! WE SUCK GRASS!!!
me: in my dream it's the Monty Python "Spanish Inquisition" sketch but instead of the Spanish Inquisition, John Cleese keeps yelling out, "The Terminator!!!"
Jen: this dream has nothing to do with you, it's about how John Cleese got canceled.
Jen: in my dream it's already Halloween.
me: i know why: Autumn in New York.
Jen: no place for Halloween halogen, candles only. i'm gonna say something very controversial: Kit Kat the wafer chocolate-piano-keys square should have never done flavors. the different flavors ruined the original taste.
me: would i be more attractive if i was in a piano bar?
Jen: MAYBE the lemon one. but it doesn't taste like lemon, it tastes like liqueur.
Doryce: i had an old boyfriend from Louisiana. i could fit inside his Little Hammock...
Deadpool: the Disney dream is not what life is. and nobody knows how to take us there.
Darth Vader: i didn't want to do Disney. The Lion King made me queasy. i wanted to do more adult fare like Rock Odyssey, animated ass, they said they wanted to animate my ass.
Deadpool: like James Earl Jones as a cartoon character?
Darth Vader: no, Darth Vader's butt having sex.
Boc: i'm walking through the intersection, RUNNING through the intersection in my short shorts.........when i get a CRAMP...
Boc: btw, these short shorts don't flatter my ass at all, i still have a pancake butt.
dad: i wore a bucket hat like Akira Kurosawa in the '80s. it just happened to be a raining day...
Howard Hesseman: yeah next year's musical for my Head of the Class class after Hair will be Rock Odyssey. students thrive on controversy. it's always a scary uncertain thing when you leave the placid park of the Golden Gate Bridge for Vietnam...
Howard Hesseman: everyone in those days could only do one thing: reject the world, carrying their acoustic-guitar case and suitcase as they got on a bus that was orange, pink, and blue. eating a chocolate donut, that was the hippie-est thing you could do...
Monterey Sports Center: where local Olympic gymnasts train...
Eddie Munster: Cara Delevingne stole my eyebrows.
Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic: what do we do now?
Kurt Cobain: replace me with D'arcy, this is gonna be rad.
D'arcy Wretzky: i am the lead singer of Nirvana.
Spalding Gray: and i play keyboard in the band.
David Pajo: sure, i have no friends, no family, no legacy, but a Rolling Stone interview will make my life better...
Meredith Baxter-Birney: who wants the Family Ties prequel? how Steven and i met at Berkeley then moved to Woodstock, two hippies falling in love.
Michael Gross: Woodstock, that happened a long time ago in a galaxy far far away...
Mallory Keaton: remember the warmth of slideshows?
Jennifer Keaton: if you want me to be normal, get me some grass.
Steven Keaton: i started the first Fat Slice at Berkeley. Elyse helped with the patty-cake.
Elyse Keaton: fuck you, Steven. i invented the concept of PBS but Mister Rogers stole my idea and told Jim Henson first. while i was making babies keeping NBC and Lifetime afloat they said i could puppet Elmo.
Andy Keaton: Beetlejuice sucks...
Alex P. Keaton: does this mean i have to get naked and dance around on stage?...
Nick Moore from The Art of Being Nick: i am a gang of one.
Ex-President Bump: this is why it's so hard to win two U.S. Opens in a row...
The Weather Channel: when it's a hurricane now, we put up the Apocalypse red screen...
No Pets: this is why you have to sell $50 boneless wings...
Roger Federer taps on the Bird Bus double-doors.
Roger Federer: let me in, this Indian-summer heat wave is harshing my buzz, man. i'm used to snow year-round.
Alan Watts: our path forward is dodgy, gentlemen. i might have to eat the liver of a cow.
Roger Federer: do you know what my dream was all these years? i wanted to eat low-carb celery for every meal to keep fit enough as a pro tennis player to be able to win enough tournaments so i could retire early and have enough money to eat 10 Big Macs from McDonald's a day...
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