EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP: BUT WHO'S BANKSY'S WIFE?

 

Takahashi: street art is near and dear to my heart so if you don't mind, Eye.

Eye Luggage: not at all.

Takahashi: Exit Through the Gift Shop and go.

Banksy: because that's the Disneyland thing to do, you know? the only exit is blocked by all the Pluto plushies. to be fair, art galleries do this, too...

Kamala Harris: speaking of art, when i'm President all Doritos bags will simply have a triangle, no words.

Hitomi from The Vision of Escaflowne: i have the best tennis shoes in anime...

Hitomi from The Vision of Escaflowne: that rhymes!!! i use my tennis shoes for track...

Super Mario of WM Waste Management: yeah you're gonna have to put your bins blocking your driveway, do you want us to collect your trash or not?

Banksy: tennis shoes, we call them trainers, trash, the unrecyclable bits, this is all art. just ask my best friend Thierry Guetta, he's gonna be Pasqually in the live-action Chuck E. Cheese movie.

Thierry Guetta: i'm actually a street artist like you. they call me Mr. Brainwash. your voice sounds familiar even masked. 

Banksy: i know, i sound like that BBC presenter. or John Major. or that host of that college quiz-bowl show.

Thierry: no you sound like Anonymous.

Thierry: it was REALLY LUCKY that i'm related to Invader. or you know, none of this would have happened, none of it would have kicked off.

Thierry: i was the first lifecaster!!! also i was the first person to sell cheap clothes for Saks prices by making them "vintage."

Jen R: hardy har har har.

Banksy: see to be a street artist first and foremost you need to be a NIGHT OWL. you have to sleep 12 hours IN THE DAY or none of this is gonna work.

Thierry: what happens when the cops bust us?

Shepard Fairey: quickly douse your 4x4 car in pink paint.

Shepard Fairey: Kinko's. oh Kinko's tho. that was heaven. those were the good times, the nostalgic times, students the world over would come in to get their photocopies. the smell of a Kinko's shop was life, it was progress, it was fresh carpet. some of these photocopies would be term papers, some of these photocopies would be butts...

Shepard: hey man, don't shine that bright light directly in my eyes, don't you know an artist's most prized possession is their eyes?

Thierry: i thought it was a GIANT GLUE BROOM.

Banksy: who ever thought the stencil, which you gave up in 4th Grade, would make such a comeback.

Thierry: i gotta ask, your adoring public needs to know, who's Banksy's wife? we all see your ringfinger.

Banksy: but i'm not one person, i'm a group of people.

Thierry: so polygamy?

Amanda Fairey: i need him home by 2AM. okay? or i get angry. a phone call explaining exactly where he is and what he's doing on the cold dark streets is common courtesy. you know? or he sleeps on the couch, i give him a fat lip, i give him a shiner.

Thierry: yeah i'll make sure, i'll be with him, all the time i'm filming him.

Shepard Fairey: this is why marriage is the best, someone to watch over you.

Banksy: think about it, i was able to paint a mural of a hole in the wall, holes in the most treacherous war walls in our world: Iraq, and the wall separating Palestine and Israel. surely the inspiration of that, painting on a ladder through bullets, in a war zone with no helmet, will end all wars.

news media: but how did you not get footage of Banksy's face?!!!

Banksy: why didn't you make a film out of all this?

Thierry: the tapes were too small.

Banksy: i knew i hit the big time when CHRISTINA AGUILERA attended my show...

Banksy: i mean how do we have the budget for a real LIVE ELEPHANT? who's paying for this? artists are poor.

Banksy: when an art piece by Banksy sells, who gets the money? where does the money go? into whose account is the money transfer wired?.........i'd really like to know this...

Banksy: it got so bad i had to print my own money, dollar bills with Princess Diana as the face. which is what the British public wanted anyway, what should have happened in the timeline, so all that cash was good, it was all legal tender...

Banksy: Thierry has a HUGE LARDER.

Thierry: i have a big penis?

Banksy: there's a camera crew following me down a busy London street but don't look at my face, i'm not Banksy...

Laertus: this is the funniest scene in the documentary:

Banksy: two tickets for Disneyland please.

Thierry: will Mickey Mouse be here?

window woman: Mickey Mouse is waiting for you two guys in ToonTown...

Banksy: probably not the best idea to go to Disneyland right after 9/11...

Thierry: there is nothing more disturbing than when the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad suddenly stops.

Thierry: there is nothing more disturbing than when Disneyland security starts following you, walking with you all over the park.

Banksy: Escape from Tomorrow bad vibes all up in your face.

Thierry: four Disneyland security guards pinned me to the ground in the middle of Main Street USA.........where the fuck were you?

Banksy: i was in the middle of riding It's A Small World. have a heart, mate, you can't get out of those boats. there are no Old Mill rides in Europe.

Thierry: there is nothing more disturbing in this life than being interrogated in the Disneyland interrogation room.

Banksy: what does that interrogation room look like?

Thierry: i closed my eyes through the whole thing. all i know is it's located behind the Peter Pan dark ride.

Thierry: i left Disneyland with a pair of Mickey Mouse socks...

Disneyland: as for the allergy lawsuit, Disney Plus is just that good, we have the good shit, have you seen that new Star Wars thing we're doing?!!!

Thierry: Thierry, as in theory of the case...

Banksy: fast cutting is not film art, it's just lazy...

Oliver Stone: ...

Banksy: you know when you have a friend but his art is terrible, what do you do? it's an eternal dilemma.

Jen R: friends are more important than art.

Thierry: why did i go crazy in scale with my big-ass art show at the end? an artist only gets one show...

Banksy: i gotta admit, the tomato-soup can as the spray-paint can, that was ingenious, that was clever, that was Warhol.

Jen R: i would have been Banksy if i didn't go to art school. then again, maybe i AM Banksy...

Thierry: what happened to that cavernous building after my art show?

Dan Rather: i work there now.

Roger Ebert: so maybe the joke is on us. maybe this whole thing is one big prankumentary. so what? who cares? it's still cool. wouldn't it be more interesting if the whole thing was fake? all movies are fake. g'night folks.

Alan Watts: i invented street art. the problem was nobody saw my street art because it was only on all the walls of my mountain retreat.  

Banksy: get a butter knife, yeah? get ready to spread. make yourself a peanut butter sandwich. wipe the knife laced with peanut butter on your white T-shirt, it looks like a painter's smock, brilliant, you're an artist now.