TMIT: THOSE OLD CARTOONS WERE KINKY

 

1. select a kink. you're a first-time visitor to a dungeon and you are CENTER STAGE because a sizable crowd has gathered to watch you

i don't do crowds. i get very self-conscious.........wait i can't say that, i'm an ACTOR!!! even when i was a kid at Magic Castle in Sherman Oaks for Dom's birthday party with Dom's dad Michael Jackson's manager Frank DiLeo paying for everything. it matters the dungeon, you know? if it's the Diamond-White Last Level Ganon's Dungeon in the original Zelda game that's one thing, that's scary as fuck, so many twists and turns trying to navigate, you have no idea where the fuck you're going, you're a mouse without a cheese. you're lost and you will never see the outside again. now if it's Dragon's Lair you're cool, you're a valiant knight who WILL get the girl, eventually, cos there are only so many cutscenes. if you're at a sex dungeon in  San Francisco you can breathe a sigh of relief cos you WILL be seeing Jeri Ryan there.........NOT in her Seven of Nine bodysuit.

a) writhing from bare-hand spanking easily solved, always wear a motorcycle glove. even if you don't ride a motorcycle. not everyone can be cool enough to ride the yellow scooter from Fooly Cooly.

b) restrained on an X-cross receiving a whipping those ESPN X Games really are getting kinky. whether it's on the snow or on the mud these really are the alternative sports of our generation.

c) dangling in air wrapped in an ornate web of rope that's how Spider-Man's mom became my wife. don't worry, i won't reveal Peter Parker's identity. she was on the flying trapeze when i bought a ticket to the circus...

d) naked on a floor mat with 3 people pleasuring you we call it the Three Branches of Government veda. we have a Yoga Night every Tuesday at the monastery.........the Catholic monastery.

2. if you selected #4 in the last question, tell us how you are pleasured: Whatchamacallit bars.........IN BOTH WAYS.

3. bind, blind, tease. write a 50-word story and include those 3 words:

BLIND ITEM

the woman in the ballroom gown and sunhat was tied up and bound on the tracks. the man with the handlebar mustache, tophat, cape, and pointy boots was not teasing with death, he really had never seen a cartoon before, he was the first thirsty kinkster in early Americana, just as movies were being created. the woman escapes her ropes, she had beaten skin cancer after all and was a professional dancer so she was light on her feet. the man realizes he was never meant for trains, he was more into derby hats---Kentucky Derby hats---and wacky racecars...

4. sex doll play: the "doll" is the human version of an inflatable sex doll. the doll must lie completely still on a bed and let their partner have at it. the partner is free to control the doll's body and movements, and do what they please. which will you be---the doll or the doll-master?

Disney paid for Geppetto's rehab but it didn't take. Courtney Love has come out of retirement to join this league. maybe THIS will get those Blade Runner: Black Lotus DVD sales up. i'm in the room with Bjork as she sings and we recreate  the "All Is Full of Love" music video. wait Bjork canceled? she got canceled? she's a no-show? she retired from the music business? okay well there's still Mary Elizabeth McGlynn doing the voice of The Major in the other other room...

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