Monday, February 28, 2022



1. covid dating behavior

a) are you choosier?

yes. i spread my lover only with Jif, choosier milfs choose Jif.

b) are you less choosey? 

choosey, that's a fun word to say

c) are you more frank and up front about what you want?

you have to be with Frank Grimes or he'll turn into Putin

2. what is stable in your life? 

a) job: what's that?
b) finances: because of this new roof i have to be a monk against my will the rest of my life, this is not what a spiritual life means

c) romantic relationships: if only i had a Persis Khambatta like Stephen Collins...

d) economy of your country: EVERYONE MUST pray for Ukraine right now. seriously. it all depends on Ukraine.

e) mental health: can't fix this if i want to be any sort of interesting writer...

f) physical health: you can't cure a concussion, right?...

3. have you lived in a different country than the one you were born? did you have to learn the language?

this one stings cos i have never and i've always thought i was born to be a travel blogger. i want to travel the WORLD, cheaply. Bourdain-style in hostels. i don't need my own tv show, David Dobrik has his own travel show which after EVERYTHING is mindboggling. 

first stop: El Salvador. if i survive that, The Netherlands. if i survive all the chocolate in wet damp grassy irrigation ditches, Poland to stop Putin.   

4. can you speak other languages? English. well. that's what all English majors have to say or the degree gets stripped from them at night by alive mortarboards which cover your dick as you sleep. 

5. how do you manage your fears? those alive mortarboards are really scary, they haunt me when i'm trying to get dressed. also, a giant fat raccoon perched on my half-fence which i'll get into more on Wednesdays...

BONUS: what would you pick to add to your coffee: Baileys, Amaretto, or whisky?

Baileys in a shoe. did you know Old Gregg's shoe is the new Bronny shoe? from LeBron's kid. people don't know this but Old Gregg's waters were actually quite warm and salty. it's not the weeing on each other at a club that's the most satisfying, it's the fact that all the wee comes from manginas. Old Gregg is not one of Putin's little green men, Old Gregg is a right country gentleman. 


Jules said...

1: I am A++

2: G - None of the above. One might say the weather is the most stable thing in my life and that’s turbulent at the very best of times. And the very worst of times. In fact, at all times.

3: Yes. I had to learn Tex -Talk. I drawled so much my bewwwts slipped on the floor and everybody thought I’d mastered the two-step like a pro.

4: I speak every language including Splinglish and intergalactic screaming.

5: I whittle. I write. I draw. I watch monks for mental help and Ted talks for stability.

Bonus: Baileys every time. *)

the late phoenix said...

1. i am Blood O, i don't think we were ever infected...

2. i can build you an ark but i'm not sure Noah actually existed...

3. wolves have their own language, it's called anime

4. Kahnese

5. I AM your stabilizer, mah dahlin!!! every time a TED talk starts i want Ted Danson to come out on stage and start brushing his hair

bonus: i'll provide the bewt

love you, my sweet


Smu Doodle said...

When it comes to milf spread I'm a Peter Pan man myself. Just mentioning spreads always gets Tinkerbell's little wings in a flutter.

the late phoenix said...

smu: in the '80s a jar of Peter Pan Peanut Butter was the ultimate prize for a young boy, i would often dream i was flying in the sky and Sandy Duncan would hand me the jar...