Monday, February 7, 2022



as i'm typing this the roofers are building a new roof on the monastery. ladders, lasers, the good not evil saw, trucks on lawns, portapotties on the neighbors' lawns, electric pipes, hammers, nails, drills, attics, blue Dodger tarps, and one plastic protractor. and contractor. the contraction of a contractor's heart of love. and palpitations. constant noise, i'm a little distracted, please pray for us and the scaredy cats under the bed.

1. how do you survive an intimacy famine? Intimacy Famine, that was my band in college.

how do i survive not getting any? i go up to the desert to meditate. there i see two visions, Mary Elizabeth McGlynn and Steve Blum who know how to do love right, those two are hot n heavy on twitter. lots of pics. pics of waterfalls and everything. that's a waterfall not a mirage.

i go up to them and ask if anyone's seen my uncle who went to the bank when the roofers came. just to see if there's enough in the account. MEMc and Steve Blum answer me in whale. that's okay, i say, and then i just want to borrow from them five dollars for a piece of pizza.

2. the loss of which of these would most affect your mental health or outlook on life?
a) loss of physical intimacy
b) loss of emotional intimacy

putlock? my mood would improve if Putlocker ever came back. emotional. i am so emotional, i take after my mom, and my dad when it comes to writing about emotion. btw there is a real crisis in this world when it comes to mental health. THIS is the underreported pandemic. a lot of people who go missing never to be heard from again...

i mean if i just wanted to fuck there's an orgy every Friday night at the monstery after the Eucharist is handed out. i pray that one day The Major from Ghost In The Shell walks through that double-door.

as a monk i simply MUST know what robot sex is. cybersex as in sex with a cyber animatronic babe with a fully-human body and a brain much sharper than mine.

3. give us a tip on how to get more intimacy in our day-to-day lives.

you gotta get off the computer. go outside. catch a Dodgers game. accidentally touch the Starbucks girl's pinkie as you exchange money at the barista counter, that happens to me everytime. and then go back home and watch Days of Our Lives and copy everything Stefano does to acquire love.

4. do you think modern technology helps or hinders intimacy? it's complicated.

on the one hand the computer will never be your friend, you can't touch and caress a computer. unless she's The Major. no matter how much you like the person on the other end of the online there's a certain element of air and ether to the whole thing, none of this mattering unless you two actually do meet in person.

on the other hand, if it were not for the computer, you never would have been able to meet CERTAIN people. you're not gonna bump into Julia Roberts on the sunglare street despite that Pretty Woman scene down Sunset. the access these days is a blessing. you can slip a comment to Kathrine Narducci telling her how much you love her acting on Euphoria and her Nike art philosophy and she responds to you in real time on her Insta Live! you just couldn't do such things in the '80s, you'd have to wait three days in a long line at a convention in sweltering Anaheim for a factory-issue autographed B&W photo of the star at a card table.

5. would you utilize the services of a professional cuddler?

OH MY GOD I WANT TO BE A PROFESSIONAL CUDDLER!!! i mean right? is that not the best job ever? except for pro Nintendo player. pro bandleader. pro cardplayer who only plays Hearts not Poker. pro tennis hacker. person who works at Toys R Us cos you get the Tenderheart Care Bear first before the customers.

with the rise of the cold internet and the eroding of person-to-person contact in society a slew of strange new unusual jobs are hitting the market. never-before-seen jobs. it's not just a Japan thing anymore! i would be the best cuddler, instead of that scene in Planes Trains and Automobiles where Steve Martin's butt is in the grubby hands of John Candy thinking it's a pillow, i'd want my clients to be relaxed and hug my butt except instead of my butt it's Tenderheart Bear...


Beatrix_B said...

#4 - is totally a catch-22 kind of scenario.
#5 - Your enthusiasm to become a pro at this made me laugh out loud. More power to you! 😁

the late phoenix said...


4: yes but i must concede that without tech i would have never met Juli Smith so i am forever grateful for it

5: i think i just want that Tenderheart Bear i never got as a kid, wink wink