Lance Lear: the recipe is very simple, Floyd Landis.
Floyd Landis, crying: why did you pick me off the street with a garbage-truck claw? why didn't you leave me there to die!
Lance: cos i liked you. you had a name similar to mine, i liked saying it. you realize without me you're nothing, right? a blank baseball card in a spoke. i'm your landing spot, you're my bitch for life.
Floyd, hangdog: yes.
Lance: i mean look at you, you're so skinny 4 of you would be my bicep.Floyd: but i did it clean, man.
Lance: don't make me bitchslap your mouth again. open that mouth up, stick your tongue out, i'm placing 4 Froot Loops on your wet pink snake, 1 of each color.
Lance: now the croissant recipe calls for flour.
Floyd looks at Lance with tears in his eyes.
Lance: THAT kind of flour...
Lovato: did you get the Kagome bicycle seat with the spywire in the seat that buzzes your butt?
Floyd: no, that's a rare item. why do you want this? the Kagome voice actress says anime is trash.
Hampshire: did you get the wheel with all the Hollywood agent numbers on it?
Floyd: the witch wasn't home, she was huffing her own mushroom house. maybe get a bicycle wheel instead and take up sports?
Floch: did you get the stretchy stuff for dad?
Floyd: look man, i don't appreciate you girls coming into my room early morning to stretch out my naked body until i form two Floyd Landii. i don't like sex rough like that, i just wanted to race to help my mother and avoid business school.
daughters: okay we'll kiss your toes first.
Floyd: no i meant i'm asexual.
Floch: i meant the paste.
Genoa Candy Dance: where you'll find the last original printing of the Candy Land board game, with the rare cement-boots gamepiece.
chocolate neck: what those Hershey kisses are really for at Halloween
Mardith: what are you doing, Dirg?
Dirg: trying to get Instagram bots to love me. what am i to you? i'm either a blessing or a lesson.
Mardith: lesson. definitely a lesson.
Dirg: can you say "good morning, beautiful" to a chick who's taken?
Mardith: spoken-for is a woman's loudest voice.
crones: we just gotta survive.........forever.
Dirg: i could never work in customer service, i hate people too much.
Doryce: so the new slushes at Sonic uncork your vagina?
Mardith, Madame Pons, Eye Luggage, and the crones: when we watch Diary of a Future President a tear comes to our collective eye.
Hilary Clinton: i cry for a different reason.
by the lake's lighthouse.
Robert Pattinson: hey! lantern jaw is not a machismo thing! it hurts like hell!
Dirg: okay.
John Kerry: it's not a caveman thing.
Geico Caveman: i needed an operation to smile again.
lantern fish: do you know what it's like when you can't sleep at night?
Doryce: don't use TOO much olive oil, i got drunk off olive oil. that stuff stings the back of your throat.
Gladyce: you once got drunk off sparking mineral water, dear.
Tracy J Butler: i know nothing of weather. except when Prohibition ended and the booze flowed from the sky. i voted for Obama. the funny thing is, i'm not a furry. but people are boring, cats are more colorful characters.
Mlem and Blep: we will protect you from the con mobs. we cat familiars take on many clients concurrently during our lifetimes.
Gladyce: why do you collect so many glass shot glasses from theme parks, dear?
Doryce: that's where i put my pills to count them for the day.
Pan at the Library of Congress: you hacked my private Instagram photos! of my bare butt in the woods! those are MINE not YOURS! the pics date back to 1900...
Library: back then there weren't as many mobs...
silver maple: Mlem and Blep know this is where the babiest cat lives.
Silver Sable: a silver ring is a girl's best friend.
English: i'm English. i play golf for the Ryder Cup.
Rory McIlroy: for us? for Europe?
English: no for the Americans. the course is playing schauffele i mean softly.
Madame Pons: everything always happens at 2:30PM.
Biden: after 4 years of noise i need 4 years of quiet.
Billy Corgan: ...
Olivia Benson: hi it's me at the Laver Cup. thought you got rid of me now that you don't watch SVU anymore? you'll never get rid of me. i really don't venture outside of New York, especially to go to Boston.
Roger Federer: loving your son's hat.
Nadal: why is Mariska worth $100 million, the show's not that good.
tv: it's all about the power of me, i'm a little tiny cute box of power.
Dr Greg Postel drinks a clear-glass bottle of pumpkin-spice vodka on the set of The Weather Channel.
the La Brea tv show: we're Lost but hosted by Sasha Grey.
Dirg: why does nobody work anymore?
Laertus: it's too hard.
Emilia: wanna see my new comic book i wrote and drew M.O.M.: Mother of Madness?
Seth MacFarlane: ohhhhh so THAT's why you dated me.
Carmelo Anthony: i'm a Thronie.........actually i'm just a fan of Emilia's tits.
Dirg: when i see a skinny 30-year-old who still lives at home in a gray J Crew shirt and crewcut haircut reviewing Red Baron Super Slice Pizza, i see the future, i see the end of men.
Takahashi: i mean at least review the pepperoni one, not the four cheese one.
Dirg: does anything in Oakland have a vibe?
Takahashi: if i worked at an Oakland McDonalds, i would INSIST it NEVER be open 24 hours, ESPECIALLY the drivethru.
plumbago: i did it in the greenhouse with the caliper.
Next time on Dragon Ball Z:.........we meet author Wu Cheng'en...
Dirg: it's weird cos as Eileen on Regular Show you were cute cuddly and adorable but as Kez the concierge bell you're grating exhausting and annoying as fuck.
Minty Lewis: same voice.
Ben Roethlisberger: i'm a Just For Men model now.
Billy Corgan: what rhymes with covid?
Madame Pons: i'll admit, the dirty hippie hard orange block of soap from Whole Foods is good. but i'd like to think ours is better.
Dirg: best place to meet women, Whole Foods on a Saturday morning, 9AM.
Mardith: the one thing i like about the Del Monte Center...
Eye Luggage: ...is Hot Topic?
Mardith: no, the sofas outside.
Madame Pons: i've worked at a high-end classy restaurant at the mall. the thing is, you're still working at the mall.
Laertus: i love the electric-charging stations for your car there. or carriage.
Marco Pantani: there's a banner of me at the Del Monte Center that flutters in the wind. under it is the word
Perseverance
Doryce: i'd rather be busy than bored, i keep distracted. otherwise i'm staring at an egg all day...
Zoe Roller: before the drought gets us all, help the Native Americans first for fuck sake! i was in that pirate play at Berkeley with Jen, Scott Trimble, and Pat, in the troupe. yes i'm playing Megan Rapinoe in the movie.
Nada Tawfik: my husband's a way better singer than R Kelly. as a maiden i heard Trent Reznor perform for my family in our living room with carpets on the ceilings, we had the hippest place in the country pre-Revolution. it's not volleyball unless you play for UCLA. i don't care what no one says, Jared Gosling will always be my Rams teddy bear.
Dirg: it's too hot to porn.
Laertus: why is it if you're a horror movie fan you're automatically a Republican?
Pete Davidson: i was blessed to get the part on The Suicide Squad cos for the first time in my life i had normal eyes.
Rick: we couldn't secure the rights to Bugs Bunny...
Steve Dildarian: that animation quote of mine, when i say how much i hate inbetweeners, i wasn't being funny, i was being serious. i am a dildo.
Eye Luggage: why do all the alt-right radio hosts have bug eyes?
Dirg: they're crazy cos they know the truth but no one will believe them.
James Woods: ...
Laertus: how can you do Ghosts of Mississippi and still be the way you are?
James Bond: spoilers, i get shot and killed at the end of No Time To Die, which is ironic.
Phoebe Waller-Bridge: you'd puff out your chest too down the red carpet if you'd just written a Hollywood film!
bum: got a dollar?
Dirg: my man, why are you panhandling in Obec? how did you get here?
crones at Subway:
Gladyce: dear which is the bigger sandwich?
Doryce: not the bigger one, the bigger one has more bread, the smaller one has more meat.
Tom Brady: ...
Andy Murray: i eat bread. everyone thinks i'm 50 but i'm 30.
Mrs. Butterworth and Mrs. Dash playing Clue as themselves.
Mrs. Butterworth: Mrs. Dash is salt-free?!!! what's the fucking point then?!!!
Mrs. Dash: shut up! you only get sex cos you're made of maple syrup and can be used as a dildo! you're an ugly woman otherwise!!
Zuly from Bruno's: it's not a real tamale unless it comes in a paper tray of red-and-white-checkered picnic tablecloth.
Generac: we are HUGE in Texas
Linda Evangelista: CoolSculpting should take me seriously. i'm not just another model. i got DEEP pockets.
brown cows walking downtown Obec: do not go to Grasing's. it's a trick. besides the meat there is tough. go instead to Kim Weston Photography. she made us feel pretty again after our udder surgery. we felt comfortable being nude in public for the first time.
Kim Kardashian West: ...
Eye Luggage: i did mine there, too. black and white. i was nude completely draped over a clay oven.
Laertus: hot.
Dirg: the poor get their steak well-done, the rich get their steak medium-rare.
crones: when we hug we smell of old money.
Felicia Combs at The Weather Channel: wait why do i have to wear heels when Goody Paul gets to wear Vans skateboard shoes?
Dr Vacc: Palm Springs will be unlivable and uninhabitable in ten years...
Ham Castle: we convicted OJ Simpson the first time.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt: i play Camus.
on the pirate ship:
Fena: did you see that extraordinarily-animated scene of the ginger bitch's pirate ship completely disintegrating itself into a mountain ball of a billion sharp pointy woodchip shards in a hail of nuclear missiles and red yellow orange purple and black and white fire on the water?
O'Malley with spyglass: don't be so sure i'm in Davida Jones's locker. ghosts live. the Rumble Rose got its name cos wrestlers and prostitutes die hard.
Bugs Bunny: that mast with crow's nest was sliced into a carrot and cabbage!
Fena: our animators copied frame-by-frame shot-by-shot the scene in Pirates of the Caribbean with the Endeavor being destroyed bit by bit into bits square panel-by-square panel for 30 minutes.
Jennifer Pizarro: girl we gotta talk. men don't commit evil atrocities cos girls are pretty. you don't cast a spell on a man that traps him and relieves him of all moral and just responsibility just cos you're hot. you can't help it if you're irresistible.
crones: tell it like it is, my bitch.
Fena: i know. but in my case i really am a witch. plus i'm French.
Pat: imagine if your name was Clarissa Trujillo.
Jen: think about it tho, you look me up on Instagram, and you see five crushing photos: my wedding photo, my labor-ward photo, me in Paris doing research for Casablanca 2: The Prequel, my kid's first day of college, and my grandson hitting a lacrosse ball like a baseball. those pics would break you.
Pat: tis true. and there wouldn't even be an older-woman bikini pic or a video of your bare foot's toes rolling over the lacrosse ball slowly.
Michael Phelps: Keller? i barely know her. just kidding. he should have come to me for therapy. strange fellow, he swam in soccer cleats. we did a swim meet at Washington DC where the lanes were divided by barbed wire.
David Bowie: Lightyear isn't Toy Story 5. I am Toy Story 5. i birthed ALL the ewoks and ALL the munchkins.
Madame Pons: i can't go on vacation! i'll lose all the Instagram friends-and-contacts momentum i've built up!
Mardith: yeah but someone's gotta mind the store.
Madame Pons: you can do that, dear! of all the new Downy Infusions soap bars i carved by hand myself with my Rambo knife the only one i will make into a candle is Romantic.
Edgar Allan Poe: ...
Edgar Allan Poe: i like the Rambo aesthetic tho, very black.
Mardith: got the dip? both meanings.
Mlem and Blep: the only people who are truly apolitical are animals.
Hitler's dog: nah, i hated him.
Jim Cantore: i'm doing color commentary for the Women's Road Race bicycling at the London Olympics cos i rode my bike to work at the Weather Channel set once on a rainy day.
Princess Jasmine: don't blame me! i was wearing my mask!
Doris Wishman: i'm Betty White but even filthier.
Eye Luggage: what were we talking about again?
Maureen Teefy: the Fame song is famous.
Debbie Allen: that's my line, white bitch.
Eye Luggage: Amelie and go.
Emilia: so close. my code name when i spy in the French Kingdom is Amelie.
Amelie: yeah but you're not a better spy than me. i don't need armored horses and covered lances. i'm The Fixer. but The French Fixer, i'm not in the mob. and contrary to popular belief i don't have any tats.
Amelie: do NOT call me the modern-day Audrey Hepburn! if you print that one more time i'll stick this floured baguette down your throat and make you swallow it whole in front of me.
Don Quixote: HELLO! BONJOUR! copyright infringement much?
Amelie: we got around it by making two of you.
Nino Quincampoix: i don't know why i wasn't more successful in politics, my name goes well on posters.
Amelie: your name is more the name of a soccer team.
Andre Dussollier: this film is NOTHING without me! after this ALL narrators were pronouncing words the way i did, from Anthony Hopkins to Orson Welles to Unicron.
Rufus: i'm so cool i have one name, which is RARE in France. not even Belmondo had one name! the only thing is i get called for autographs cos they think i'm RuPaul.
Dufayel: the exact opposite of a doofus. i'm scared of water.
Lorella Cravotta: i invented crayons. sidewalk chalk was used to outline my body.
Gina: hello, Pat.
Isabelle Nanty: don't be a nancyboy, don't be a ninny, i can quit smoking if i want. my hypochondria has nothing to do with being a tobaccoist. i cough at everything and this was BEFORE covid. tobacco, bronchial, bronchitis, laryngitis, it's all connected in a conspiracy.
Dominique Pinon: i'm not a clown, i wrote this script, that's why i have such a jaded look on my face, all the twists and turns of the script i knew about beforehand. got a call from Trent Reznor saying he reluctantly got me tickets to the Maury show and was willing to fly me over on his steamboat.
Collignon: this is what happens when you rule the college football world for 12 years with a national championship but no playoff. this is how the arrogance welled up in me.
Jamel Debbouze: you can't use the R word anymore. let's just say i'm "simple". i'm made of clay. i drink a lot of booze to get by. my CHARACTER drinks the booze that is, i'm perfectly normal. in fact i'm a stud. i landed the woman the internet universally acknowledges as the most beautiful woman in the world who ever lived in all the lands.
Melissa Theuriau: can't a newscaster go to the beach, too? i went there not to splash not to make a splash not for the Little Mermaid musical but for therapeutic reasons inside a heatvane cave.
Jamel: babe the paparazzi were just making sure you were a woman with tits and not an extremely handsome bishonen Japanese boy.
Claude Perron: *drinking water* French porn, that's an oxymoron.
Armelle: not Amelie. French peep shows just don't have the bristling writing of the British peep show.
Laertus: this film is the final film of the Old World. it's the film version of Macy Gray's "I Try". it came out one month before 9/11 when the world changed forever for the worse. you can feel the sense of innocence here, it's of another time and place, when people were more easy, casual, friendly, hopeful about finding love and the future. the biggest crisis facing the world back then was the Death of Diana.
Dirg: there's only one word to describe this movie.........whimsical.
a daisy by the tower turret loses all of its petals.
Eye: this fine film was a slow burn. at first when it came out it was deemed provincial and boring. but slowly it caught the eye of James Bond who funded it with the full faith and credit of Her Majesty the Queen's money and an oil palette and scraper. and the rest was history.
Dirg: how much is Queenie worth?
Mariska Hargitay: not as much as me.
Dirg: i mean we have to talk abut this movie poster. look at that creepy face! Amelie's face is weird and it makes me uncomfortable. it's like she's trying to smile but can't quite contort her face to do it. she's got unnatural unhuman rubbery kewpiedoll lips. if that were a man's face she'd be a serial killer! a serial killer with a Beatles moptop. Shemp Stooge hair. holding that spoon just makes it worse! killer!
Amelie: nah, i look like anime in real life.
Laertus: okay, now we're in it, the girl starts playing doctor on a fat 6-foot talking frog. now this isn't boring anymore. frogs were innocent back then, frogs were only a French thing.
Amelie: i didn't have a heart defect, i just loved too much, i loved too hard. you'd go crazy too if you saw right before your own kid eyes your own mother getting crushed to death by a jumping suicidal Canadian tourist, from the roof of a church no less.
Melissa Maker: wasn't me.
Amelie's father: please daughter, you look strange, like you're pretty but in a strange floor-model mannequin way.
Amelie: i tried a boyfriend once but it didn't work out. he hopped out of my life. he was a rabbit named Peter. but i got a nice body, right, pere?
Amelie's father: yes. promise me you'll become a professional garden gnome, you got the look.
Eye: how does it feel when you dip your hand in the grain sack?
Amelie: like Sting's sutra.
Dirg: is it like a penis sack?
Amelie: creme brulee.........that's my pet name for my vagina.
Eye: i'm jealous, my cunt doesn't jiggle like that.
Princess Di: excuse me, miss, this is a hot set! we're testing nuclear-explosive landmines here!
Bjork: sorry, i thought this was the set of "Where Is The Line".
808 State: we would have been Depeche Mode if you hadn't been so pretty, Bjork! pretty but like weird pretty.
Bjork: all over my butt, watching Three's Company and playing with my yoyo.
Princess Di: i don't know about college but this dorm is fit!
Ski Bob: I Am Bob. see me do things. see me do tings. want me to do my Bill Clinton impression for you again? ski bob doesn't refer to my name, it refers to an action performed on my penis while the two of us are high up on a ski lift.
Dirg: a wall tile? that's boring. shoulda been a green book you tip that opens up to a secret stairwell in the den library stack.
Calvin Klein: ...
Dufayel: i'm a very pleasant man. i wear 3 winter overcoats and a ski mask cos i'm cold cos i'm old. you'd be quick to anger too if you lost a bone on your skeleton everytime you reached for a shot glass of orange juice.
Amelie: drink milk.
Dufayel: Renoir never drank milk! he USED milk to mix his paints! Renoir didn't have a pink or orange psychedelic neon fluorescent bulb! he had flour! i need an assistant named Nadal. you see the girl in this painting who's drinking water? she's the loner of the group, doesn't quite fit in, she's you.
Amelie: i thought i was the only one! i thought i was the only human being who was ever born on this planet who was afraid of water.
Dufayel: worry not, mademoiselle, date-rape drugs don't exist yet, drink water to your heart's content! it's healthy for you! maintains that youthful glow to your creepy face. want a crepe?
Michael Weiss in a Revolutionary beret: ah, the spyglass, what neighbors used before Instagram.
Amelie: that's what i used to see all 15 orgasms in the neighborhood.
Dirg: speaking of faces, and O faces, there's no more humiliating thing a woman can do to a man than make that face Amelie does when the man is trying his best to thrust her with his bare back to get her to cum and it's not working and she makes a face like this is not worth it and all men are a joke.
Bretodeau: i'm a man with the name Dominique, i can either be a clown or leave the country. considering my dark skin...
Amelie: why didn't you connect with your estranged daughter?
Bretodeau: she's Meghan Markle. she wants nothing to do with me. it's not like she's Lear's daughters.
Amelie: print rears its ugly head again. and your grandson?
Bretodeau: plus she started to eat bread again after Tom Brady did Brecht on stage. eating bread is a big no-no. my grandson is the next King Of England i mean France! England, France, same country.
Amelie: on my days off from playing Mother Teresa i like to take in the cinema. i like everything but soccer movies. and propaganda films like that FIFA one. i notice things others miss, while everyone is staring at the screen watching the 15 orgasms i noticed the grasshopper in the back. i watch the AUDIENCE, not the movie. when will Rocky Horror come to Paris?
Amelie: WATCH OUT FOR THE CAR, BLIND MAN!!!
blind man gets runs over.
blind man: it was worth it to touch your body.........all those curves and nooks and crannies!.........wait you're not Mrs. Butterworth!
Amelie: you can't be a shut-in, dad, you don't have the manga for it. you gotta get out and travel. i'll airmail you.
father: okay, but is there an envelope big enough for my body size?
garden gnomes: we were content sunbathing on Clint Eastwood's lawn. we never wanted to travel! we get airsick! we vomit rainbows!
Collignon: can you be gaslit if you're a man?
Ex President Bump: ...
Collignon: this simply will not do. i can't have shaving cream in my toothpaste, then i'll never brush my teeth! i can't have bad teeth like the British! i'm French!
Lucien: Bruno's is coming to Paris, only three rows of produce...
Amelie: hi, you're creepy.
Nino: pardon moi? but i look like Emmanuel Macron.
Amelie: i mean you sleep at the train station in hopes of collecting discarded corner-bitten passport-booth photos. isn't that the letters serial killers use to paste their ransom demands on their letters?
Nino: i'm handsome so i'm quirky instead. i used to be Ms. Krause's kept boy, i thought i was on easy street the rest of my life but she died.
Amelie: okay but drop that scissors you're holding. i'll drop my spoon.
Amelie: is this your photo album?
Nino: is it green?
Amelie: it says Hogwarts.
Nino: keep it.
Dirg: why'd you fall apart into a puddle of water? you're not pretty enough to be an X-Men!
Amelie: no, that was me confronting my own insecurities and the fact that the helper couldn't help herself. i was drowning in truth.
Eye: now see, the papers got it all wrong, the cat-and-mouse game between Amelie and Nino through the cobblestone cul-de-sacs of Paris was voted as one of the greatest love races in cinema history.
Dirg: more like boatrace.
Eye: but they missed the bigger scene:
THE KISS!!!
my Goddess that kiss! that kiss between Amelie and Nino, the long drawn-out one with the closed eyes and no dialogue, is THE sexiest hottest most beautiful romantic kiss in cinematic history!!! sensual, warm, loving, the commitment, the care, the tenderness, it's all there!
Mlem and Blep: Amelie is pretty, okay? she's not mousy. we know mice. she doesn't look like a man, Dirg.
Takahashi: whoa, very Speed Racer with the imagination bubbles up top there.
Mlem and Blep: OKAY THAT IS UNFAIR!!! it's not the cat's fault! you can't blame the cat for Amelie's lifelong romantic woes, as if it's some sort of symbol of all that's wrong with non-humans! besides, look how cute that cat is!
cat: i'm not the metaphor for Amelie's dry pussy.
Amelie: the kiss, you're right, we took five. as in five takes of it, i intentionally messed up. i pointed to where i wanted to be kissed. no words, just body movement. each cheek for five minutes, eskimo kiss, butterfly kiss, ear nibble, neck lick, hair pull despite my short hair. all over my face but not a drop of cum.
crones: i know, right? we don't get kissed by men like that anymore! ever!
Ray Gillette has his arm around a grieving Amelie.
Ray: girl, it's just cafe hot goss, it don't mean no thing. you're so pretty when you cry, i see your reflection in the stainless steel French press.
Amelie: *wipes herself on her cardigan* thanks, Ray, i go marry Nino now.
Audrey Hepburn: sweet whip! burn rubber!
Amelie: oh my scooter? yeah, stole it off the FLCL set.
Audrey Hepburn: you got bigger tits than me. my scooter on Roman Holiday didn't go as fast. you speeding, girl! you buzzin'! the lights are wavy lines of acid! who are you, Run Lola Run?
Amelie: no i'm just on speed. quaaludes, you know. hey you passed by the statue with the nanopenis.
Nino: what? ninopenis?
Amelie: LOOK OUT DON'T RUN OVER THAT BLIND MAN!!!!!!!!!! g'night, folks.
Rubikon: you presented a France that's all lily-white, lightskinned, and colonial.
Director Jeunet: not true, Lucien is black.
Rubikon: but he's a retard!
Eye Luggage: Laer and i went on one of those tourist trips to the actual cafe where the film was filmed. two things we'll always travel for: food and film. we recognized that heavy yellow lighting immediately. but we were disappointed.
Laertus: yeah the mirror with Amelie's writing was just writing, not written in lipstick.
Dirg: i was disappointed Nino licked sugar off the table not cocaine. and i thought there'd be a memorial to Michael K Williams with the cigarette lady.
Eye: yeah, and no tourist is allowed in the bathroom to see where that earthquake fucking took place. g'night, folks.
Amelie: can an introvert find true love?
Nino: only if you're a mediator. i wish i had a mediator during my divorce from Ms. Krause.
Amelie: there's nothing wrong with me, i'm just an introvert. i fall in love at first sight and i'm always lonely.
Eye Luggage: girl i gotta know, what's your situation? you've never mentioned a boyfriend. or girlfriend for that matter.
Audrey Tautou: i'm shacking up with the Biker Mice From Mars.
Celine: impossible is not French.
Gorton Fisherman: i agree with the King's polices. Kyle Fisherman was a Democrat. Lear has imposed an eternal lockdown to battle the plague. all drawbridges are up and the chain broke. there was a run on toilet paper again but why was only MY shack left empty and devoid of toilet paper after the panic buying?
Lance Lear: bad trade policies with other kingdoms. toilet paper is extremely difficult to manufacture during this time period.
Gorton: there's a gas shortage, there's a fuel shortage. the ogre swamps aren't producing the bubbles of tar they used to. the only solution is for more people to dump their cars and walk. or bike. or boat. i need to start serving my fish in croissant sandwiches. cos we all know any meeting at a Subway never ends well.
Lance Lear: gotta go to the Kingdom of Austria for croissants...
Lance Lear: did you get the flour?
Floyd Landis: no. i can't do this. can't bear it. murder me if you must, i won't be your drug dealer anymore. i won't sell for you. i gotta stand up and be a man despite my pencil goatee. i'm my own man. i like to ride!!! but not bitches!!! i live with my parents but it's only because i'm working on my first album in their garage.
Floyd is last seen at night by the tavern. he walks home alone, opens the garage door, puts the finishing touches on his debut album Bleach, fills in his mustache and beard with a dark pencil, leaves a note for the barber not to cut it, and is never seen nor heard from again.
all that's left in the garage in the morning are a microphone wrapped in white tape and the missing strings from his electric guitar on the lake.
