Friday, September 10, 2021




* remember the cold microwave? those medivac tubes that space-vacuumed your vacuum-sealed lunch out the chute, one tuna sandwich impossibly pressed into a wheat cube the size of a dime? can we go back to those days?

* Shirley Manson wearing a Chick-fil-A apron, visor, and spatula: imagine going from Hawaii to Wisconsin...
Butch Vig: Chick-fil-A is the hardest word to spell in the English language.

* Quentin Tarantino: take all the time you need. i need it by today.

* Billy Corgan: the band Hum is like Smashing Pumpkins before i ruined everything.

* Roger Federer: pops, why? why'd you do it to me? i was loyal to you and the Family my whole life since i was a little chocolate squirt. why'd you leave me sleeping on my stomach in the ditch by the Wimbledon ice machines?
Rod Laver: who is this?
Roger: is this the Los Angeles number?
Rod: is Djokovic winning? Zverev winning would not be a good look. i live in Carlsbad, i want to live in Calabasas with the rest of the tennis elite but they said i look like a lawn gnome.

* NFL We Run As One:
Mardith: this is a very special commercial for me, it illustrates the exact philosophy every actor takes with them as they hop up on that stage: the art of being present in the moment. the actor is not concerned with the missing of that one and only opportunity to bag her soulmate. or the fact that if this local production doesn't sell tickets it's back to the concession stand with Drake Bell. the actor is concerned merely with the EXACT moment of NOW, learning the lines for this piece of art to perform NOW.
Bucs: we got your'll take a bit longer cos we're on a boat.

* Flo with sadface: i wanted to do the live-action Addams Family version...

* Camila Cabello Cinderella: GET ME OUT OF THE BASEMENT! i don't want to end up an adult-swim viewer!

* kid: we got a bake sale tomorrow.
mom: tomorrow tomorrow?
kid: can i skip school tomorrow?
mom: what are you going to do?
kid: play video games and buy the apple pie at Gelson's.
mom: don't you dare!

* Tom Brady: i told you, 10 more years...
Gisele: i know, 10 more years until the divorce.
man in green: i'm not a fireman, i'm a Jets fan.
Elon Musk: we couldn't get any of the rugby guys?

* Windows 11 is not real.........or are you already inside it?
Mark Hapka at 11:11: HAPKA!
Charles Addams: hey that's MY art!
the entire Library of Alexandria is contained within the beating wings of a hummingbird

* Not Wasting My Twenties:
- wait am i a boy or a girl? oh yeah my hair, i'm a Muppet.
- i'm not a butterfly insectologist, i'm a beauty influencer...


* Baker Mayfield: as you can see by my helmet color i play for the Mexico Limes. it's this thing run by the wrestling guy.

* LL Cool J: who were the other two celebrities?
Kevin Hart: me?

happy weekend, my babies

TOMORROW: no bake sale. is it a taco? or is it a sandwich? is a taco a sandwich to begin with? is it Taco Bell trying to remake the taco for the 150th time? 

Sand City: our Detroit

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