Monday, October 26, 2020

TMIT: SOFT PANT





i love home. but i'm tired of home. i want a new home. like in a NYC voting line know what i'm sayin

1. favorite form of adult pajamas: kimono, soft pant, romper, or Winnie-the-Pooh style?

Winnie went bottomless and the Forest didn't care, that's why i love Disney. i learned what a honeypot was from that book. you can only order an adult coloring book from Amazon if you're wearing adult pajamas...

2. what time do you wake up in the morning? wake up? i've never woken up. i'm still in my lucid dream...

3. your favorite chore to do is ___

the S Pattern if you know what i mean...

4. least favorite chore to do is ___. why?

the A Pattern…...cos it hurts my thumbs...

5. tell us about a home-cooked meal you cannot forget:

it was the night of my first Confession. i was nervous. i wore a suit for the first time in my life, with holes where the professorial felt elbow pads should have been. at midnight i turned the key and entered the cave...

all i saw was his white-hot smile like the Cheshire Cat, glowing in the black purple hole. my priest was creepy as fuck, but i wouldn't let him be creepier than me! the session went well i dunno i don't remember a thing i blacked out...well it was already black but...…...

next thing i remember i'm at the McDonald's on Vine. with no headache and a cool breeze filtering through the spacious outdoor-French-café-style patio eat area. i'm the only one who feels that night air, that crisp chill, i'm the only one there and there are no windows.

the priest beckons me to come from behind the counter. he is wearing a McDonald's green visor and the Carol Burnett Show maid outfit. i think it's near Halloween but i forget to check. 

priest: come round back and help me make this. it's your favorite, right?

the priest holds out a vat of chicken soup the way mom used to make: Lipton noodles cooked for 14 minutes on the stove, skinned white potatoes dipped in broth, sour tomato slices.

me: soup at McDonald's?

priest: for your sins your penance is to memorize the ingredients to the Big Mac. you're gonna need them, son, i have seen into your future and it's a bleak one.

me: hey, none of that black-magic sorcery lookin-into-crystal-balls witch shit, man! you're going to Hell, man!

we both have a laugh and hug each other over the counter. we watch the dawn together as we take all the little ketchup packets and squirt them at all the wing mirrors of every car that enters the drivethru till twilight and dusk hit again...

BONUS: is tired the new norm?

no, zoom masturbation is...






2 comments:

Bathwater said...

A romper would be too much work. I prefer a tee shirt and light weight thermals in the winter but Firefly like me in just my boxer briefs. I don't argue because she is usually in just panties.

the late phoenix said...

I used to wear thermal underwear till I realized I hate heat and adore and should embrace the cold!...