notes:
* Malcolm Gladwell: for all my success, writing books about success is not what i was put on this Earth to do. i don't think of this as this thing that only i can do that needs to be done on this planet. like Malcolm McDowell, who was BORN to play the creepy milk dude from A Clockwork Orange.
Kevin Hart: don't mind the dog, he's drinking all your milk...
* Malcolm: do you know why i became a writer?
Kevin: couldn't get into Hollywood?
Malcolm: i was never able to crack a window when i was kid, never experienced air...
* Malcolm: have you read any of my many books, Kevin?
Kevin: well, sure! there was the one that opens up on a paragraph about...like a hockey team or something...yeah, and the lake is frozen...and you explain the one who eats the puck first knows what it's like to eat shit in life, you know cos of the cow puck---which where i come from is called a poo puck---hence that player is the most successful in life cos he's experienced hardship. great read...i thought it was a sports almanac and i wanted to get into hockey but...
* Malcolm: i'll make you a deal, Kevin, you get me into the Oscars and i'll write the patter for you...
* Malcolm: why does everyone have a podcast now?
Kevin: it's trendy.
Malcolm: I HATE IT! give all your money to Tom Green, he invented podcasts!!!
Kevin: green, i get it.
* Malcolm: sleep stories...
Kevin: Malcolm? you nodded off there...
Malcolm: i die once a day, that's why i'm so successful...
* Malcolm: have you written a bestseller, Kevin?
Kevin: come on, man, we all know the only MasterClass that's actually on Audible is the Natalie Portman one for obvious reasons...
* Kevin: let me see your snuffbox.
Kevin: what? why is there powdered soy in here instead of snuff?
Malcolm: i'm SOY BOMB. i had the ideas for The Beatles and everything...
* Kevin: you know they're just making it seem that this is my house and we're in separate rooms but we're in the same room it's painted half.
Malcolm: i didn't notice, i was dead.
Kevin: how'd you get all this money? is that a Monet? how'd you afford all this fine art? all these paintings?
Malcolm: all the paintings you see displayed before you are stolen. i was the inspiration for Sideshow Bob...
happy weekend, my babies
TOMORROW: i don't have a car anymore. a deer jumped in front of it. don't worry, the deer's fine. i have to walk everywhere now...
...so i can only go as far as my The Store. my local The Store. get me one of those readymade sandwiches. i love those sandwiches not only cos they're good and easy but cos of where they're stored: in that cool cooler. i climb inside that cooler and stay there till the next pallet slides into me...
one time the butcher at Safeway winked at me. so i started a conversation with him. he had all gold teeth and one white tooth. he said his London broil was the best meat in all of downtown Pacific Grove. even the wooded areas. but then he said he had watched Bambi 100 times and memorized it and i was like "nope, nope" and walked out...
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