WEARING NOTHING BUT MY STAN SMITHS

notes:

* yeah so there used to be this cool 3-minute commercial around about 2016 or so which had the adidas Stan Smiths and all the cool celebrities at the time---Black Eyed Peas and Neo and Elmo and that hip hop mogul who wears the Canadian mountie hat---back when he still worked with Muguruza developing fun sexy yet loose and airy tennis clothes. looking back, he should have just let Garbine wear his hat. with all manner of beatladen testimonials and purple and green neon lights in boxed rooms with hanging grabby gardens in Brazil and all the street folk amazed that their precious shoe came from some dusty Australian...it doesn't seem to be anywhere anymore...got deleted...oh well...

* Stan Smith: g'day my name is Stan Smith. i don't know how it happened but i'm a hip-hop icon and civil-rights leader. i've had this same mustache on my lip since i was a wee lad on the barbie. no, my mustache is not simply a big vegemite stain...

* rapper on stage: blood on the dancefloor! *crowd cheers* no for real!...…...oh that's just red crayon scratches on that dude's Stan Smiths.

* Stan Smith: they're Stan Smiths.
adidas: no, they're adidas...adidases...
Stan Smith: they're Stan Smiths, easier to say.

* big fat dude: am i on the list?
girl: we're a cool club, you have to have your name penciled on the heels of your Stan Smiths to get in.
dude: this sucks! the doctor says i can't wear shoes no more. and i was looking all fly with this pencil behind my ear, too.
Dr. Dre: bro i was joshin' you.

* kids in the parking lot: yes, EVERY single commercial has teenage kids pushing each other in an empty shopping cart in an empty parking lot, from Gucci perfume to Gap turtlenecks, that is THE symbol of teenage rebellion and freedom. the ultimate Skins script. but in this case, it's warranted, there is nobody in this parking lot. nobody buys food anymore.
Stan Smith: blimey. this can't be right. this is a tennis court! why isn't the parking lot full! tennis doesn't require fans!!!

* man drops his pizza on the toe of his Stan Smiths.
man: damn.
potential mate: they look fly with that red on the toe, keep em.
man: really?
potential mate: you're in Brooklyn and you're not eating a jumbo slice? the problem is that goofy shirt you have on, i was gonna get medicine from you, candy-striper.
wingman: remdesivir don't work. bra, you got played. you should have said you would donate your old pair of sneakers to the mill to impress her.

* Chuck E Cheese: which way to Sesame Street?

* Chuck: yeah i'm Chuck E Cheese, fuck Chuck D!!! all y'all shooting hoops with my basketballs in my arcade now, you AIN'T gonna make the NBA! you know late at night i stare at the tickets as they come out in that straight line...streaming like streamers or a hot comet...looks like a frozen rope shooting...

* it's okay, they're waterproof, you can take them to a backyard inflatable pool...just the rubber tips...

* look at the indoor overhang of my bedroom, remind you of something?
friend playing video games not looking: Skins.
you're a genius.
friend: you know how rappers do it? they push the buttons on their scratch records like if they're thumbs on a video-game controller...

* what field sport are we playing on the green grass? rugby? but the ball is flat...

* can i take my monthly bath here?...

* young Bob Marley...…...reincarnated Bob Marley...

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happy weekend, my babies

TOMORROW: i'm thinking Taco Bell. but not the one downtown. fitted into that row of small boutiques along the cobblestone sidewalk where the short cut-out parking lanes are LITERALLY the center road itself. no, see, there's no drivethru in that one. i remember i went there once and the power went out...just as the girl was about to deliver my Doritos Locos Taco. she was so sweet about it, she threw her hands up in the air---no more chandelier lights, pitch black---and was like, "okay. okay, everybody calm down, we'll get through this together.........i can still hear the hum of the frozen-smoothie machine..."