TMIT: THE FIRST TIME I FORCED MYSELF TO DANCE...

1. if you are self-isolating, under lockdown orders, or quarantined, what is your main daily activity? not dying

2. would you rather be alone for the rest of your life or always be surrounded by annoying people?

i'm going stircrazy up in here and i'm a monk!!! gotta say, this is for the first time really making me reevaluate myself in my life WITH people, the benefit of it. my entire life it was always the exact opposite, i was looking for any excuse to get away.

funny story. for the first time in ages i reached out to my next-door neighbor. we decided to go to an Olive Garden together to finally hash things out. still following the guidance of course---even a year before---i was on the WAY other side of the restaurant corner and he was on the WAY other side of the OTHER restaurant corner. when i get my parsley i promptly suck it up my nose. when he gets his parsley he promptly throws it in the fireplace. the waiter refused to come near us, either of us, he tossed our waters to us like a softball pitch.

later, 12 feet apart, i told my neighbor:

me: you aren't such a bad guy. everyone says you're ornery and horny because of the way you voted, i always found you to be the most annoying person who has ever lived.

neighbor: that's so wild, i always found YOU to be the most annoying person who has ever lived. whenever i see you in your monk robe humping a tree my heart falters and i punch my bracelet. all you Illuminati are the same, you never think of others, you're inconsiderate. i said to myself, one more, JUST ONE MORE orgy at our community Taco Bell and i'm calling the cops. cos it was Taco Bell i called Border Patrol.

3. would you rather never again use social media apps and sites or never watch another film or tv show?

one word: Quibi. it's like Q*bert but without the math. by the way, Q*bert was the first time as a kid i had ever seen an asterisk. later, when my dad asked me why i cried so much as an adult, i told him it was cos of Barry Bonds. that scene in Sportscenter when Barry waves at the crowd one more time and tips his cap with his bat. and then the asterisk blocks the screen and i just start to cry cos Barry is one of us, he's a Frisco native, he's ours.

4. would you rather live in a utopia as a normal person or in a dystopia but you are the supreme ruler?

nah i mean look what happened to Anakin Skywalker...…...he never got another part in Hollywood again...

5. are humans better at creation or destruction?

there is only one human who is better at both: Trent Reznor

BONUS: would you rather find your true love or a suitcase with five million dollars inside?

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