Monday, April 13, 2020


1. as the world deals with covid-19, are you masturbating more?

that is the perfect entre into this week. that is the perfect question the more you think about it. as i am fond of saying,

it's Easter, where do you want me to cum?

as Lil Baby Aidy is fond of saying,

i destroyed my vibrator from overuse it committed suicide

2. with stay-at-home orders and lockdowns, are you able to have more kinky fun at home?

nah. nah nah nah as Chalamet would say. my abbot noticed i was leaving the monastery a little too often. i said it was for food but really it was to feed the pigeons at the park with the food i got. the pigeons are teaching me to fly, meditating is not working. so the abbot forces my window to stay open so he can look at my fridge which is always empty. he squats down on the grass and stares into my window dusk til dawn, he should be doing Mass but his excuse is if the Pope don't gotta celebrate Easter no more he don't gotta do nuttin. i can't masturbate under my monk robe.

3. do you think you are watching more porn since you are home more?

no but i'm watching more Charlie The Unicorn and Schitt's Creek...

4. fill in the blank: i am so sick of ____


5. if this is your first time having an outside job with which you are now working from home, do you think you are more productive now versus when you were at the office?

i work two jobs, construction and working at a factory, so working at home has been a pleasant change of pace, it's made things easier. i don't have to wear that heavy orange jumpsuit anymore, i can wear my orange pajamas. now i construct things in my mind. don't worry, my psychiatrist visits every breakfast to make sure i'm not eating too many oranges. he pushes the blender button for me when i'm in my fugue. and i can easily work the metal arm at the factory in Simi Valley from the comfort of my ipad mini. we make plastic tiny food. i used to like working at an office but there was this guy there who was always pestering me to take his picture while he sprawled on the breakroom table in a white wifebeater and jeans. had one of those mustaches that you knew he cut himself during quarantine.

BONUS: would you rather know when you are going to die or how you are going to die? you can't change the time or method of your death.

oh no, i'm a Whovian, i know that game, that knowledge literally makes life meaningless. sure before it was meaningless but in the human-condition cool way. the only thing i would do if i were Morty is see into that crystal as to how Rick dies. cos Rick is annoying. Rick claims he's better than God so the crystal would show that...



Bathwater said...

I would like to know when I am going to die. I like to plan accordingly. Imagine all that 401K money could be for not! I could be blowing it on more strippers and whore!

the late phoenix said...

haha, tru tru. but it's the not knowing that makes life fun. without mystery you have nihilism. it's the thing with the time machine, in concept a time machine would be cool, but if you actually really had a time machine that would negate Heaven forever. that's the thing, you don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow, in a month, in a year, in 20 years, you have no idea who the new people are you're gonna meet...

ancilla_ksst said...

I missed out on the bonus question, but that's ok, I was getting a perfect score anyway.

the late phoenix said...

ancilla: the last college test I ever took I got a 100% on. too bad it was an essay test...