notes:
* alas, it just isn't the '80s anymore. Nintendo was king in the '80s. in fact in the '80s the symbol of ALL VIDEO GAMES was that Nintendo gray box. when you thought of video games, you thought of Nintendo. or maybe a used Centipede arcade cabinet screen smeared with the grease off your jumbo-slice pizza you gasping for air at midnight at an unlit parking lot staring down the glare of Pasqually. ah, innocent times, when a centipede was still a centipede. nowadays PlayStation is king. cos of their commercials. if Nintendo invested in making filmic commercials the way PlayStation does...like why not hire the Mario & Zelda dude to do them...but...Nintendo is content now to just be the kiddie department.
* of course all of this is moot now cos Disney Plus owns everything.
* captive: what are these markings?
captor: potato in an alien language.
captive: i'm a nobody! why do you want me? i'm just a potato, useless on youtube!
captor: you're more valuable than gold. we're doing a little collective global experiment on our homeworld: we're not bringing back the McRib, we're bringing back when the fries were cooked in beef fat...
* DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. ONLY KILL IN VIDEO GAMES
* Lev & Igor: it's not what it looks. we're delivering Santa to the kids in the dead of night. carrying and unloading him in this sack of potatoes. to keep it a grand secret. yes he's inside his own gift sack but that's for security reasons.
* with this oculus, you can finally see inside Mark Zuckerberg's mind...
* what's missing from this neon Japanese scenescape from the year 2049?
a) it's a utopia
b) bicycles
c) this is EXACTLY how 2049 is gonna look
d) flying cars
* now-playing movie marquee: Detective Pikachu…
* what's the difference between this scene and my home scene?
a) the sky darkens, there's an electricity in the crisp air, sparks fly tender yonder and thither...and then it only actually starts to rain over there, not here where we've just been teased for a whole year now…
* Keanu: can you see?
woman on pulley: my glasses block the rain.
Keanu: are you doing a sexy dance for me?
woman: not everything is about you, Keanu.
* Norman Bates: i have that quirk in my personality where i can't have the O light in that MOTEL sign be dark, can't let that slide, my brain organizes differently, i'm gonna go fix that instead of stepping into this shower...
MEANWHILE the girl from Frozen stares intently at her glass of water...not waiting for it to freeze but for dinosaur steps...
* dominatrix: the Millennium Falcon was MY ship! it was stolen by Han when i refused his advances! no need for a soft balloons landing, my ass is so sweet it cushions the fall. yes it's a slave ship...a sex slave ship...but it's all consensual...
* Scully: holy SHIT what's going on at this gas station! ever notice how all video-game commercials have at least one scene at a gas station at night? same with Denny's and Prius and Reebok commercials. this is too weird, i'm calling my hubby Mulder...
* Scully: up in the sky! a bird! a plane! a dragon! yes it's a dragon dropping...? THE REAL ENDING!!!
* Emilia Clarke: i was the one who pushed for the end. and that was the producers' way of getting back at me for it. look, i want to do romcoms, okay? i was BORN to do romcoms! more cute kisses, less nakedness. who's my favorite writer? Seth. Seth doesn't write Family Guy anymore you say?...
* Scully: who are you? are you okay, mister?
man: i've been through harder hits. i, uh, well i have a lot of time on my hands now. i used to play for the NFL.
*fire wall blazes forth*
Scully: are you gonna be alright, mister?
man: see all this fire? this is the belly of the beast.
Scully: the dragon?
man: no, Roger Goodell's office.
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happy weekend, my friends.
TOMORROW: it's gotta be that Double Chalupa from Taco Bell. right? i am completely influenced by commercials, they determine what i eat. i mean after that Taco Bell PlayStation commercial...with the guy with the beard who looks like Bull from Night Court if he had facial hair...
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