TMIT: WORLD CUP NETS

...with red cards for armbands

1. what excites you beyond belief? the tv show Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction. especially when Commander William T. Riker would stare at you through the tv with his widened eyes and shit-eating grin when he was trying to sell you the BS story. even through his beard you could sense his rosy cheeks and the excitement with which he took his job seriously to fool you and crush your spirit when you started to believe in anything fantastical.

Riker: stick with science, kid...

2. your significant other has asked you to sleep with his cock in your mouth. what are your first thoughts? would you say yes or no? why?

take it from me, say no. it sounds exciting, but it gets boring and prosaic after, like, 5 minutes. it's impossible to hold that position the entire night, wrists start to get limp and tired from the fatigue of keeping it up. just enjoy some popsicles or something instead.

3. have you ever had someone sleep with your cock in their mouth? yes. when i was dating the Tooth Fairy. before her whole business when she realized she needed to make a living, when she was a wild twentysomething, she was a biter. but then she saw how pleasurable it was for me to receive a gumjob. hey, even this isn't as disturbing as the Teen Titans Go version of The Tooth Fairy who actually eats the teeth...

4. fill in the blank: spank ______

since i can't say blank cos blank is already taken, i'll say spank bank. another bank in which i have deposited no funds lately...

5. write a sexy sentence (or two) and use the phrase "harness of rope":

my reputation as a writer is staked on this one:

i harnessed the rope of Wonder Woman to squeeze out all the Girl Power it could muster to help a sadsack skinny man with a thin build and feeble frame such as i through life.

Wonder Woman: do you want to know the Truth? i don't see you living much longer unless you can Lasso that wild boar over there.

we lived on a mountain in the clouds you see.

me: can this thing be converted into a Lariat? i get sad when i see everyone down below having fun at the Salinas County Fair and i'm a city boy who will never adjust to cowboy life...

Wonder Woman: don't jump. remember, just cos you're a Phoenix doesn't mean you can fly...

BONUS: whom do you laugh and play with more often? your friends or your significant other?

i want my two factions to come together, but they don't get along, they're constantly in competition struggling for my time and attention. it already doesn't help that i sleep 23 hours a day.

and so i play with my friends during the day and i laugh with my SO in the bedroom at night...and neither one of them knows about the wall...it's a The Promised Neverland situation...Mom is in the next room over to mine constantly telling me to lower the noise...

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