Friday, July 19, 2019

THE CLAN OF THE CAVE BEAR IN A DIFFERENT WORLD




notes:

* okay, as always, start off with a quick story:

so i LOVED A Different World. but there are two A Different Worlds, the one with Lisa Bonet and the one with Jasmine Guy, or, the one that went unnoticed and was quickly dropped and the one that soared into millionsville popularity. see, i'm talking about that first season. i love it precisely because many people forget that's how this series started, with that cast. it's rare and intimate and surreal and mystical and sage-burning and otherworldly. frickin' Marisa Tomei was in it! the future Aunt May was in it! i love the soulful opening credits and end-credits song. i love that hunk that passes Bonet in the phone booth, he's hot---i say this as a straight man---and, nostalgist that i am, i love it cos it still has a telephone booth. i was so proud when i finally got my hands on the Complete First Season DVD, as proud as i was when i finally tracked down that 1984 from 1984 disc. i felt as i binged it that i was watching the secret episodes nobody knew about, these stories when everybody else was still concerned with The Cosby Show so nobody knew of Lisa's adventures into the great wide open. or misadventures, what kind of college mischief could our heroine and the gals get into? turns out: plenty. my favorite episode is when Lisa & the gang go to a Chinese restaurant on the outskirts of campus and have to follow all the rules: you know, the usual: kneeling, crossing legs, not hitting your head on the low tables, drinking your friend's tea as a symbol of bond. and then there's always the geisha line. meanwhile, while the smart dude was getting a profile on Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous, the most memorable moment for me in that initial season is when they all come back from being stuffed and enter the dorm lobby area...and there's a poster for The Clan of the Cave Bear posted on the bulletin pin foamboard. and Dwayne Wayne---not Dwayne Wade---begins to list his favorite moments from that film and is excited to continue the discussion in-depth with it in his dorm room into midnight. man, THAT was the college i wish i had gone to at that time of that film opening!

* the line: Jean M. Auel, Ursula K. Le Guin, Margaret Atwood: my heroes. not good women writers, good writers. there would be no J.K. Rowling without these ladies.

* technology isn't bad, it's impossible.

* caveman: let's go!
cave fam: too tired! we don't want to get up.
caveman: aren't you hungry?
cave fam: yeah but if we sleep the hunger goes away...wake us up at Apollo 11...

* cave fam: i know this is a radical idea, but what if we put down our sporks and let the elephants and the saber-tooth tigers roam free? you know? what if we wear plants instead of these heavy fur coats in the obscene summers. we'd be more comfortable...and like, the planet would thank us millennia down the road, the millannials would LOVE us.

* Tarantino: remember when...
Leo: careful...
Tarantino: ...you could get ice cream at a druggist's?
Brad: this movie of ours is so fun and colorful...until the Manson stuff...
Harley Quinn: let's all hold hands right now in this audition room and imagine a world where Sharon Tate becomes what Twiggy became...

* man on couch: are we exercising?
woman on couch: i'm exercising my brain...watching Jane Fonda...
man: i'm gonna throw away all of these VHS cassettes...

* i'm not tired, i am tired of this world...

* man by pool: if you don't wear the glasses, it's not real.
woman by pool: is this pina colada real?
man: do you wear glasses?
woman: no i'm not a nerd.
man: HA! revenge of the nerds!......now i'm drunk...

* man is pulled through a wall by an invisible hand.
Putin laughs.
Putin: that'll get 'em to vote.

* woman cliffdives.
woman: ahhhh! my feet landed on the water and started tapdancing!
Rory McIlroy: that's virtual reality, lass, don't worry. not really water.
woman: oh, hello, Rory, what are you doing here?
Rory: got some free time...

* group runs through a Lazer Tag maze of flashing purple lights on the walls.
group: yeah, Lazer Tag, cool, but this thing was called Purple Rain. we thought it'd be different.
Stranger Things counterboy: what were you expecting?
group: like Prince survived but his soul is trapped in a Lazer Maze robot or something.
counterboy: wanna sniff my stranger thongs?

* make sure you paint your pits liberally, when you eat it when your bike flips over you're gonna land on the handlebars on your armpits…

* A: i love your silver hair!
G: are you making fun of me? this isn't a silver confetti wig. i'm going gray...

* celebration on the tennis court includes bottles of champagne being popped and sprayed all over the court.
counterboy: great! now these courts are ruined! they're hardcourts!
Joker: we thought they were grass courts. isn't this still Wimbledon?
counterboy: it's only a grass court if you can smoke grass on it.
Joker: exaclty. *hahahahahahaha*

* man: don't shave your pits with a razor...have someone lick your pits instead...

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happy weekend, my babies.
TOMORROW: the Cheetos Sandwich from KFC. had to after that 2019 '90s commercial.





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