Friday, September 28, 2018



* only Barbra Streisand has the Jewish-motherly power of warmth to turn something which has been hotly debated and hotly contested by the greatest science-fiction minds of this or any generation that has lived in any dimension of space, this thing which most agree isn't such a rosy idea, could lead to scary consequences and the robot takeover of Man and Wives taking a Step down: cloning. Babs makes cloning fun n' cuddly.

* and only Babs can spell Barbara Barbra and not be laughed at (cos y'know bra)

* Alicia Vikander: this is my doing, i got myself one Fassbender for each season. in my native Sweden, we have two extra seasons of cold...

* dude actually looks like my friend Chad with the Canadian beard

* there's nothing in that Aztec stone coffee's tea, the Aztecs never knew what tea was, they went straight from coffee to chocolate.

* clone 1: am i the Original?
clone 2: there is no more Original, we killed the Original, remember?
clone 1: i do not remember this occurring.
clone 2: this must mean it was you and you are dead.

* clone 1: this watch screen is too small, can i get it in an ipad size?

* clone 1: what are you doing in my house?
clone 3: i'm not in your house, this is my house.
clone 1: it's technically my house once you cross that sidewalk outside.

* woman: don't mind me, i'm that old Japanese agony aunt from Paranoia Agent. you never saw me...

* clone 3: why are you following me?
clones 1 and 2: you're following us.
clone 3: is your girlfriend Sofia, too?
clones: this is not the time to talk about a Devils Triangle.

* clone 4: see? you were too distracted looking at me you missed the last payphone on Earth outside. the world is too distracted now, always on their phones to see the payphone.

* Rachel Maddow in Hawaiian shirt: you can't juke me, fellas, i'm Rachel Maddow. i'm only interested if this so-called Market has quinoa. do not talk to me till after the Midterms. if things don't go my way i'm liable to grow a beard and become an ol' salty sea captain, living out the rest of my days on lonely big waves. i got my boat and my sideboy and my parrot. i even went to another commercial which i know you're not allowed to do once you're in this commercial to check out turns out my relative was also a sea captain with blue eyes like me. when i wear contacts.

* jogging clone: i'm running, well walking fast, in order to appear in the same frame as that UPS Brinks truck that will be the scene shortly of a robbery gone bad. i won't stop the robbery mind you, i'm running to be involved in the frame.

* running clone: excuse me, is this the Pizza Place?
attractive woman on the street: yes...
running clone: you didn't answer fast enough, gotta go, now i have to eat quinoa pizza.

* clone 1: why is it only I have sweat running down my front?
clones: it's a feature, not a bug.

* swimming clone: i look good with tan metal.
clones: remember, don't swim all the way out unless you plan on never coming back cos you're saving your brother.
swimming clone: the shark?
clones: Michael Phelps ate him.

* clone 1: but where do i come from?
clones: believe us, you really don't want to know how the sausage is made.

* clone 1: it's just that, well, if i draw a brown cow how do i know it's really me drawing?
clones: your drawing of the brown cow is the brown cow drawing herself. this is how God functions. God is a shrewd operator.


happy weekend, my babies. what is the Los Angeles Dodgers' Magic Number? don't tell me, i want to be surprised.................sigh...............maybe it's better to only have that one shining Dodgers memory cut in my gut where the cotton candy used to be. those 1988 Dodgers are fading from my memory like eating chili in a wheat forest on a hot summer day, like Pedro Martinez's tiny mustache and jheri curl...

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